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Patricia Rind - Womens Best Friendships: Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise

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Womens Best Friendships: Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise: summary, description and annotation

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Explore the distinct relationships of close female friends!
Womens Best Friendships: Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise gives new and comprehensive insight into the complex world of womens closest friendships. Recent studies have shown that women place enormous value on best friendships and consider them to be woven tightly into the fabric of their lives. Using in-depth interviews, along with close readings of relevant literature and theory, this book focuses on the many facets of these relationships.
With heartfelt first-person accounts and insightful commentary from the author, this book examines three intertwining themes: feelings of competition, issues of dependence and independence, and knowing/understanding. This book sheds light on areas of tension among women, especially difficulties in communication, frustration about not being entirely let into a friends life and thought processes, and the feeling that one friend may value the friendship more than the other. It also discusses womens struggles to maintain closeness over increased distances and the realization that ones friends are flawed, even as friends. This informative book, grounded in established research and theory, presents stories of real friendships--told by the people who live them. These women talk candidly about what makes a best friend, about navigating the choppy waters of friendship, and much more: Somehow, when we started living farther apart there were ways in which we were being insensitive. We recognized that there was a really strong bond, but we were taking it for granted. So we talked about how close we feel to one another and perhaps how that leads to some arguments or hurt feelings. --Liz, on how distance has affected her relationship with her best friend Susan
Em and I dont fight at all. I dont know if thats good or bad. I dont think I do well with fights. I think thats probably a lot of conflict avoidance on my part. And I think it does lead to some distance, even though its a best friendship. I think Im uncomfortable asserting myself. And so its easier not to have to do that. So maybe my inability to deal with the problems keeps the friendship at a distance, where its safe and comfortable for me, in that one respect. --Linda, about her desire to avoid any confrontation with Emily, her best friend
Womens Best Friendships: Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise is a fresh and exciting look at the inner workings of relationships between women. Drawing upon a multitude of issues and insights, this book is a must-have for womens studies classes.

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NOTES FOR PROFESSIONAL LIBRARIANS AND LIBRARY USERS This is an original book - photo 1
NOTES FOR PROFESSIONAL LIBRARIANS AND LIBRARY USERS This is an original book - photo 2
NOTES FOR PROFESSIONAL LIBRARIANS AND LIBRARY USERS
This is an original book title published by The Haworth Press, Inc. Unless otherwise noted in specific chapters with attribution, materials in this book have not been previously published elsewhere in any format or language.
CONSERVATION AND PRESERVATION NOTES
All books published by The Haworth Press, Inc. and its imprints are printed on certified pH neutral, acid free book grade paper. This paper meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information Sciences-Permanence of Paper for Printed Material, ANSI Z39.48-1984.
Womens Best Friendships
Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise
HAWORTH Innovations in Feminist Studies
J. Dianne Garner
Senior Editor
New, Recent, and Forthcoming Titles:
Gods Country: A Case Against Theocracy by Sandy Rapp
Women and Aging: Celebrating Ourselves by Ruth Raymond Thone
Womens Conflicts About Eating and Sexuality: The Relationship Between Food and Sex by Rosalyn M. Meadow and Lillie Weiss
A Womans Odyssey into Africa: Tracks Across a Life by Hanny Lightfoot-Klein
Anorexia Nervosa and Recovery: A Hunger for Meaning by Karen Way
Women Murdered by the Men They Loved by Constance A. Bean
Reproductive Hazards in the Workplace: Mending Jobs, Managing Pregnancies by Regina Kenen
Our Choices: Womens Personal Decisions About Abortion by Sumi Hoshiko
Tending Inner Gardens: The Healing Art of Feminist Psychotherapy by Lesley Irene Shore
The Way of the Woman Writer by Janet Lynn Roseman
Racism in the Lives of Women: Testimony, Theory, and Guides to Anti-Racist Practice by Jeanne Adleman and Gloria Engudanos
Advocating for Self: Womens Decisions Concerning Contraception by Peggy Matteson
Feminist Visions of Gender Similarities and Differences by Meredith M. Kimball
Experiencing Abortion: A Weaving of Womens Words by Eve Kushner
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FatA Fate Worse Than Death?: Women, Weight, and Appearance by Ruth Raymond Thone
Feminist Theories and Feminist Psychotherapies: Origins, Themes, and Variations by Carolyn Zerbe Enns
Celebrating the Lives of Jewish Women: Patterns in a Feminist Sampler edited by Rachel Josefowitz Siegel and Ellen Cole
Women and AIDS: Negotiating Safer Practices, Care, and Representation edited by Nancy L. Roth and Linda K. Fuller
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Women in the Antarctic edited by Esther D. Rothblum, Jacqueline S. Weinstock, and Jessica F. Morris
Breasts: The Womens Perspective on an American Obsession by Carolyn Latteier
Lesbian Stepfamilies: An Ethnography of Love by Janet M. Wright
Women, Families, and Feminist Politics: A Global Exploration by Kate Conway-Turner and Suzanne Cherrin
Womens Work: A Survey of Scholarship By and About Women edited by Donna Musialowski Ashcraft
Love Matters: A Book of Lesbian Romance and Relationships by Linda Sutton
Birth As a Healing Experience: The Emotional Journey of Pregnancy Through Postpartum by Lois Halzel Freedman
Unbroken Homes: Single-Parent Mothers Tell Their Stories by Wendy Anne Paterson
Transforming the Disciplines: A Womens Studies Primer edited by Elizabeth L. MacNabb, Mary Jane Cherry, Susan L. Popham, and Ren Perry Prys
Women at the Margins: Neglect, Punishment, and Resistance edited by Josephina Figueira-McDonough and Rosemary C. Sarri
Womens Best Friendships: Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise by Patricia Rind
Womens Best Friendships
Beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise
Patricia Rind
2002 by Patricia Rind All rights reserved No part of this work may be - photo 3
2002 by Patricia Rind. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, microfilm, and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Printed in the United States of America.
The Haworth Press, Inc., 10 Alice Street, Binghamton, NY 13904-1580.
Client identities and circumstances have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Cover design by Marylouise E. Doyle.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Rind, Patricia
Womens best friendships : beyond Betty, Veronica, Thelma, and Louise / Patricia Rind.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-7890-1539-0 (alk. paper) ISBN 0-7890-1540-4 (pbk. : alk. paper)
1. Female friendships. I. Title.
BF575.F66 R56 2002
158.25082dc21
2002068755
For Michael, my love
About the Author
Patricia Rind, PhD, is a specialist in womens sexuality and psychology. She has published articles in The Journal of Sex Research, Family Planning Perspectives, and International Family Planning Perspectives. She has taught and co-taught undergraduate and graduate classes in human sexuality and qualitative research methods. Dr. Rind is currently working on a project in which she will explore aspects of female sexuality using qualitative methods. Her current professional affiliations are with the American Psychological Association and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. She currently conducts seminars for parents on talking to kids about sex and sexuality.
CONTENTS
Preface
Do not start. Do not blush. Let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things sometimes happen. Sometimes women do like women.
My mother tells a story about when we first moved to the house in which I grew up. I was around four at the time. Apparently, along with all the disarray that accompanies moving, my mother had to contend with my continually crying to her that I needed a friend. I can imagine my mother, younger than I am now, shy and phone phobic, dreading the idea of having to call her real estate agent for the number of someone with a child my age, but understanding my apparent desperation. She somehow made that call and the next one, and got me a frienda girl who became my best friend throughout my youth.
Many of my childhood memories are inseparable from that friendship. One of the things I remember most is that we wore the label best friends as if it were immutable. People at school and at the YWCA, where we took various lessons together, knew that we were best friendsand we knew they knew. There was an understanding that we could be friends with others, but that no one else could take on that role of best friend. What did that knowledge give us? I would imagine we felt happier and more confident knowing that whatever else we might have to deal with, we had each other. And if we made no other new friends, at least we were together. We understood each other. We played games that we made up and we shared confidences. We were teased by my older brother and we, in turn, teased her younger brother. We loved each others families and walked in and out of each others homes as if they were our own. We had minor disagreements and major fights, but we
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