Guy Kettelhack - Second Year Sobriety: Getting Comfortable Now That Everything Is Different
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Second Year Sobriety: Getting Comfortable Now That Everything Is Different
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This second volume in Kettelhacks series takes on the terrible twos. Here people in recovery share their experiences and insights in dealing with long-suppressed feelings of anger, loss, guilt, love, and self-acceptance. Kettelhack shows how sticking with it--persevering with the struggle to deal with new feelings and refusing to give in to addictive impulses--ultimately creates the sense of life as an ongoing adventure, one more vivid, exciting and sustaining than had ever been thought possible. Guy Kettelhack has written seven books on recovery. He is completing a Masters degree in psychoanalysis, and is an analyst-in-training at the Boston and New York Centers for Modern Psychoanalytic Studies. A graduate of Middlebury College, Kettelhack has also done graduate work in English literature at Bread Loaf School of English at Oxford University. He lives in New York City.
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Getting Comfortable Now That Everything Is Different
Guy Kettelhack
Page iv
Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176 1-800-328-0094 (Toll-free U.S., Canada, and the Virgin Islands) 1-651-257-1331 (Fax) www.hazelden.org
1992 by Guy Kettelhack All rights reserved. Originally published by HarperCollins Publishers First published by Hazelden 1998 Printed in the United States of America No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kettelhack, Guy. Second-year sobriety: getting comfortable now that everything has changed / Guy Kettelhack. p. cm. Originally published: 1st ed. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992 (Harper sobriety series; v. 2). Includes bibliographical references. ISBN 1-56838-231-6 1. AlcoholicsRehabilitationUnited StatesCase studies. I. Title. HV5279.K484 1998 362.292'86dc21 98-28453 CIP
02 01 00 99 98 6 5 4 3 2
Book design by Will H. Powers Cover design by David Spohn Typesetting by Stanton Publication Services, Inc.
Page v
Contents
Author's Note
vii
Acknowledgments
ix
Introduction Do the "Terrible Twos" Have to Be Terrible?
3
One Taking Stock
10
Two Discovering What's NormalFor You
30
Page vi
Three Emotional Storms: From Danger to Self-Discovery
53
Four Service: The Adventure of Reaching Out
73
Five A Second-Year Take on Spirituality
101
Suggested Reading
131
About the Author
135
Page vii
Author's Note
I'm a recovering alcoholic, and a writer who has grappled for some time with how to express what "recovery" means. The triumph and beauty of recovery from addiction is, to me, endlessly fascinating. Seeking to understand what goes on in recovery seems to me to be exploring what it means to become fully human.
So far, the best way I've found to convey the miraculous consciousness I find in recovery is simply to report what I hear from other recovering people. I've tried to be a kind of journalistic spongesoaking up information, attempting to pass it on with as little interference as possible. This approach brings me one especially happy dividend: The sponge, as it soaks up information about recovery, ends up profiting as much as anyone else. The adventure of sobriety chronicled in this and other books I've done applies to me too. The bottom line is that I feel like a wide-eyed kid listening to what other people tell me about their recoveryas excited and grateful to have been helped by their experience, strength, and hope as I hope you will be too, reading about it in these pages. The spirit of this book can be expressed simply: We're all in this together.
What I hope to do here is to offer you, via the voices and insights of hundreds of recovering alcoholics and drug addicts I've
Page viii
listened to across the country, a rich sense of the strange, sometimes frightening, usually baffling, but ultimately wonderful adventure sobriety can mean. Whatever year, month, day, hour, or moment of sobriety you may be facing right now, you will, I hope, find strong evidence herein that you can get through it in full consciousness: You don't have to pick up a drug or a drink. That's the main testament of the people whose stories you'll read here, and the main message of hope. It's our experience that life lived consciously just about always beats life lived blindly. I hope you'll let the people in this book show you how and why, one day at a time, we've found that to be true.
Page ix
Acknowledgments
Every one of the recovering men and women whose stories are chronicled in this series is owed a debt of gratitude I cannot ever hope to repay, except, perhaps, by passing on their messagethat we can all live more fully, joyfully, and consciously, no matter what our "stage" of sobrietyto as wide an audience as possible. I am thankful to them, and to you, for teaching me that we can all live sober and satisfying lives.
Page 3
Introduction: Do the "Terrible Twos" Have to Be Terrible?
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