Welch - Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do

Copyright and disclaimer:

LoveScience Media, publisher, Austin, Texas, USA. First edition, 2015.

All information in this book is copyrighted by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D. All rights reserved. With the exception of writers who quote short passages in their reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced, shared, quoted, distributed, sold, or in any manner disseminated without the authors express written permission.

Dr. Welch is not a therapist, but a social scientist who applies relationship research to peoples questions about their intimate lives. The opinions expressed are hers, based on her interpretation of the existing relationship research and her observations. Duana C. Welch, Ph.D. and LoveScience Media shall be held harmless and are not liable for the results of using the advice in this book; science indicates likely odds, but even the most rigorous research cannot predict exactly what will happen in an individual persons life. The reader is the only one who can decide whether the information in this book is a good fit for them, and so the reader is responsible for his or her own actions and decisions. Neither the author nor the publisher assumes any responsibility or liability for actions and choices made by purchasers and readers of this book.

The stories, letters, comments, and examples in this book are real. However--except for the author and her husband Vic Hariton, and the scientists, authors, and sources identified by last nameeveryone elses names and identifying details have been changed, and their quotes and letters have been edited, to protect their privacy and dignity.

The e-version of this book contains affiliate links to some of the recommended reading and books and works used in writing Love Factually. Purchasing through these links provides a small sales commission to the author. However, the author was not approached by any of these authors or publishers to include their work in this book; Duana Welchs decision to include these books is based solely on the works merit and usefulness in her experience. Readers should examine the books to determine their value to them before making any purchase.

If you want to communicate with Duana, email her at . As with content at her blog, your letter may be published, either on-site at LoveScienceMedia.com, and/or in a future book. If your letter is chosen, your name will be changed, your other identifying information will be removed and/or changed, and prior to publication the letter may be edited for brevity or to maintain your anonymity.

Advance praise:

If you are going to read any book about love make it Love Factually . Duana Welch has written an inspiring, perceptive, truthful analysis about love, which will undoubtedly lead you to finding a better relationship, and hopefully what you are ultimately searching for.

~Jeannie Assimos, Sr. Director, eHarmony

Finally we have a research-based guide for how to sensibly select a partner. A must read for all those of us seeking a lasting love.

~Dr. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

" Love Factually is a great book. It's anchored in solid science. It brings key principles to life with gripping real-life mating stories. And importantly, it brims with practical advice in the form of concrete actions everyone can take to improve their love lives. If you plan to read one book to improve your mating life, this is the one to read."

~David M. Buss, Ph.D., author of The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

Love Factually is a real treat: a smart, funny page-turner, full of heart and based on the best science. If you're at any stage of the dating process, you'll get the clear, doable steps you've needed all along to find and keep the right life partner. And if you're already happily wed, you'll be entertained by all the sage advice you can pass on to others. I was hooked from the first chapter, and I'm married and know the research inside out!

~Dr. Linda J. Waite, professor of sociology at the University of Chicago, and author of The Case For Marriage

This book is a ray of hope in a world of cynicism. Even better, it's hope founded on fact. In my twenty-plus years writing about and helping couples find and keep good partnerships, I've seen an increase in fear, a major roadblock to love. Readers of this book will learn why holding onto hope is realistic, as well as how to move through their fears, create lasting love, and feel better about themselves in the process. Love Factually is a helping, healing journey.

~Susan Page, author, If I'm So Wonderful, Why am I Still Single?

"If you want to transform your dating life into an effective search that significantly increases your odds of meeting the right person, Love Factually is a must read. Dr. Duana Welch is like having a kind, gentle, funny, and firm love guide/guru beside you as you traverse the rocky trail of being able to fully embrace a healthy, deeply fulfilling, satisfying and enriching relationship. I recommend this book to my clients, and to men and women who are serious about investing in themselves in order to become, and attract, the person they want and deserve."

~Carrie Lynne Pietig, LPC-S, using Gottman Method Couples Therapy in private practice

Love Factually is like having Malcolm Gladwell and Bren Brown gene-splice with Dear Abby and The Rules. The Steps here are fantastic, and it's a great, fun read we highly recommend!"

~Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider, authors of The Rules , All the Rules , and Not Your Mother's Rules

Love Factually is a sure bestseller you wont be able to put down until youve read it cover-to-cover. Duana Welchs wise counsel, warm voice, and fact-based approach ensure that men and women alike will never again have to suffer the stomach-churning pain of yet another relationship gone wrong. Love Factually offers encouragement, hope, and well considered, proven answers for all who want to know how to find and sustain a loving and secure relationship.

~Derek Collinson, HowDoIDate.com

Dedication:

For you, today.

For Julia, tomorrow.

For Vic, always.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Not *Another* Learning Experience!

Perhaps youve seen the bumper sticker: Oh no, not another %#*@ learning experience. And maybe, like me, youve lived it.

In 1997, I was closing in on a doctorate in psychology. My specialty wasnt relationships, but memory. If you were worried about it, wanted to know what changes are and arent normal with age, wondered what causes memory decline, or needed to regain what youd lost, I was your woman.

My unofficial occupationwhat I spent at least as much time on as research--was finding Mr. Right. Like some of you, I knew unreservedly that I wanted one Love O My Life, and I figured it was worth investing a lot of time and effort. I was working hard. But I was not working smart.

In fact, I was succeeding in my career while failing (flailing?) at love. I actually had an emotional sensation of groping around in a dark room, hoping Id latch onto the right relationship and keep it. Somehow. Maybe. ?

One night, after a devastating break-up that Little Debbies, chocolate, and the charity of friends could not console, I was standing in a bookstore nursing a broken heartbecause as a nerd, I go to bookstores when Im feeling heartbrokenand I had The Moment: the epiphany that transformed the way I lived my love life, and led me to verifiable, objective answers to all my questions.

Questions like:

*Is finding love just luck? And even if I find it, can I hold onto it?

*Why are the guys Im not into, into me, and the guys Im into, arent? Am I doing something to attract men I dont want and repel men I passionately desire?