Table of Contents
acknowledgments
I dont even know where to begin in thanking all the people who have made this book so special.
It all started with my agent, June Clark, who believed in me and this project from the start. I loved meeting you in New York, June.
I have thoroughly enjoyed working with my editor at Wiley, Christel Winkler, who really helped me keep the stress down while I was writing this book. I love your easygoing spirit, Christel.
I have so many Earth Angels who made this book possible by helping me keep on track. Just a few of them: my children, Naomi, David, and Daniel, who continually remind me how beautiful life can be; Judy and George Benz, who provide a home spa environment for my body, for my soul, and for my emotions; Renee Piane, who is the best love coach a friend can have; Melodee Hunt, my administrative assistant and friend, who always balances reality with love; Theresa Baisden, who checked in on me daily for months; my brother, Sherman Gross, whose warmth and strong sixth sense reminded me of my heritage; and Barbara Lincoln, whose words and wisdom helped me stay on a lit path. You are the ones who kept me going when times were rough, who kept me laughing when I didnt feel like laughing, and who believed in me when I was having doubts. To all of you, thank you for sharing your wisdom, your time, and your hearts.
To all my other Earth Angels, you are too numerous to list, but you know who you are and you know I keep you safely tucked away in my heart.
introduction
Think how much happier, healthier, and more fulfilled we would be if each of us had our own de-stress kit to minimize the stress of daily living.
Inside this book, youll find myriad ways to downshift the stress in your life. You will find simple tips to help you avoid stress when you can, and better weather it when you cannot.
As I was completing the book, I received a call from Cynthia, a dear friend with whom I had not spoken in a long time. She left a message saying that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was recalling the people in her life who made her laugh and inspired her; the real gift was that I was one of them. Cynthia and I began to socialize again on a regular basis. As divine serendipity enjoys the dance of life, so too, did we enjoy our conversations about stress and cancer. Through her cancer treatment, Cynthia learned a lot about herself and noticed some of the red flags surrounding her lifestyle choices. She had not seen them when she was in the midst of living her busy lifestyle. I asked Cynthia what her points of stress overload had been. She told me they were exhaustion, lack of mental clarity, and lack of physical strength. She said, Recognizing that I stuffed my emotions, I stopped laughing. She realized her life was out of balance; it was mostly work, with a little family time and a little time with her friends. She did not exercise or watch what she ate.
When you read this book, I urge you to use the de-stress tips while following the guidance from your heart. This will allow you to remain mindful of what youre doing and focused on the present moment. Cynthia shared with me that she never noticed or appreciated many things in her life. She was living from her intellect rather than her heart.
Stress does not discriminate between the poor or rich, women or men, younger people or older people. Through my work with clients ranging from teenagers to stay-at-home parents, and from solo entrepreneurs to Fortune 500 captains of industry, I know that unbridled stress can wreak havoc on anyones work, health, relationships, goals, and dreams. Our thoughts, positive or negative, are the foundation for who and what we become in our lives and in our relationships.
I have lived a full life replete with my own share of stress and emotional pain. The daughter of two Holocaust survivors, I have raised my own children through the highs and lows of modern life and relationship losses. Through my personal experiences, I have accumulated many ideas that help downshift the stress in life and to find the joy again, not just for my clients but for myself.
As you read this book, I urge you to be kind to yourself, and honor the person you truly are inside. It is possible to be calm and not give in to negative stress, even in the face of terrible crises. It is also possible to learn, forget, and then re-learn how best to reduce your stress. My hope is this book becomes your lifelong guidebook.
I did not write this book because I never experience stress, and I certainly did not do it because I have mastered stress 100 percent of the time. On the contrary, I have experienced great amounts of stress and have searched for and found numerous ways to counteract it, and now I will share all my hard-won tips with you!
chapter 1
forget perfect
1 think positive
We can sabotage the positive ways in which we begin and end each day when we let negative thoughts gain control of our minds. Negatives attract negatives, and negative thinking can cause chronic, dangerously high levels of stress. To downshift the speed and the stress in our lives, we must ratchet down our tendencies to expect the worst or beat ourselves up for things we did or didnt do.
The ordinary stress in our daily lives can be exacerbated by negative thinking and can lead to high levels of hostility, according to a study published by the Journal of Psychosomatic Medicine. Positive thinking, on the other hand, can benefit our physical health, reported researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. The study suggests that people with positive attitudes have less risk of developing heart disease and have lower levels of stress hormones.
dear diva
I often obsess about situations I find stressful, and Im exhausted and tense so much of the time. How can I make healthy changes?
secrets from the de-stress diva
Our thoughts color our perceptions and our experiences in life. If there is one thing that we can focus on 99 percent of the time, it is our thoughts. If we are able to focus, we will readily see the hundreds of thoughts that arise each day. Here is a simple, yet insightful, way to become aware of your thoughts. It will help you understand your behavior, increase your energy level, and improve your ability to enjoy relationships.
Thought Exercise
Carry around a notepad and write down your thoughts every fifteen to thirty minutes for two full days, from the moment you wake up until just before you fall asleep. You will be amazed at what comes up. Once you identify where your thoughts take you and how they dictate your feelings toward yourself and others, you will have a perfect place to start making changes. Dont be like most people and try to change your thinking process without understanding your own thought patterns.
Here are a few examples of how different individuals express their thought patterns:
The Yes, but pattern. This response comes from people who listen to what youre saying but, more often than not, will insert a yes, but reason why they cant do something.
The Maybe, well see pattern. People who find it difficult to make a decision react in this way. Perhaps they are afraid to make wrong decisions, and thus choose not to decide or to delay their answers.
