Thomas F. Crum - The Magic of Conflict

Turning a Life of Work
into a Work of Art

Thomas F. Crum

Foreword by John Denver

Photographs by John Denver and Doug Child

Illustrations by Tammie Lane

This book is dedicated to those who suspect that there is more to life than they are presently experiencing and are willing to enter into the unknown to claim it.

Touchstone

Simon & Schuster Building
Rockefeller Center
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 1987 by Thomas Crum
All rights reserved
including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form
First Touchstone Edition, 1988
TOUCHSTONE and colophon are registered trademarks of
Simon & Schuster Inc.
Designed by Eve Kirch
Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 Pbk.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Crum, Thomas F.

The magic of conflict.

Bibliography: p.

1. Interpersonal conflict. 2. Conflict (Psychology) 3. AikidoPsychological aspects. I. Title.

BF637.I48C78 1987 158.2 879691

ISBN 0-671-63818-1

ISBN 0-671-66836-6 Pbk.
eISBN-13: 978-1-4391-3502-0

The author is grateful for permission to reprint material from the following:

Critical Path by R. Buckminster Fuller. Copyright 1981 by R. Buckminster Fuller. St. Martins Press, 1981. Used by permission.

The Secret Sits by Robert Frost. Copyright 1969 by Holt, Rinehart & Winston, Inc. Copyright 1942 by Robert Frost. Copyright 1970 by Lesley Frost Ballantine. Reprinted from The Poetry of Robert Frost, edited by Edward Connery Latham, by permission of Henry Holt and Company, Inc.

Two Tramps in Mud Time by Robert Frost. Copyright 1969 by Holt, Rinehart & Winston, Inc. Reprinted from The Poetry of Robert Frost, edited by Edward Connery Latham, by permission of Henry Holt and Company, Inc.

Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury. Copyright 1981 by Roger Fisher and William Ury. Houghton Mifflin, 1981. Reprinted by permission of the authors.

My Speech to the Graduates, from Side Effects by Woody Allen. Copyright 1980 by Woody Allen. Random House, 1980. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

On Peace by Robert Muller, from the Transcript of the First Annual Windstar Choices for the Future Symposium, Snowmass, Colorado, 1986. Reprinted by permission of the author.

The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe by Jane Wagner. Copyright 1985 by Jane Wagner. Reprinted by permission of the author.

Its Alright Ma by Bob Dylan. Copyright 1965 by Warner Bros. Inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Please Call Me by My True Names by Thicht Nhat Hanh. Copyright 1983 by Thicht Nhat Hanh. Reprinted by permission of the author.

How Can I Help? by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. Copyright 1985 by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. Alfred Knopf, Inc., 1985. Reprinted by permission of the publisher.

Photo Credits

Photos on pages by John Denver.

Photos on pages by Douglas R. Child.

Id like to make a toast to all those people who have made a difference in my life, and as a result have contributedin one way or anotherto the shaping of this book. You know who you are. You are the ones who told me the truth even when it was uncomfortable. You are the ones who, through your coaching, your listening, your inspirational models and support, helped me clarify my thoughts and focus my vision.

A toast to Barbara Heckendorn, whose dedication and willingness to do whatever it takes has been a source of support to me since word one.

To Richard Compton, who helped with the last drafts of this book. His writing and thinking skills brought it to a new level of clarity and quality.

To photographer Doug Child and his wife, Suzanne, for their artistry.

To my friend and agent, Jan Miller, and to Editor Bob Asahina and his staff for their confidence in me.

To Chrissy Gibbs and Judy Warner for their ideas, time, and support.

To my Aiki assistant, Tom Eckstein, whose clear thinking, loyalty, and commitment to the Aiki Approach has been a true source of strength and friendship.

To all my students, workshop participants, and friends who share in the Aiki work/play, giving honest suggestions and lots of enthusiasm.

A toast to Windstar, its staff and members, for the opportunity to serve and be served.

To my martial arts teachers, friends, and colleagues: Morihei Ueshiba, Koichi Tohei, Rod Kobayashi, Bob Bishop, Richard Bustillo, Clarence Chinn, John Clodig, Terry Dobson, Bob Duggan, Al Huang, Marshall Hoo, Dan Inosanto, Harry Ishasaka, George Leonard, Walt Muryasz, Clayton Naluai, Minoru Oshima, David Shaner, Jon Takagi, and Mitz Yamashada.

A special toast to many supporters, nurturers, and inspirations: Michael Abdo, Nan and Fouad Azzam, Peggy and Donald Abell, Russell Bishop and the Insight group, Ken and Marge Blanchard, Bill Browning, Cheryl Charles, Ashley and Doss Carrithers, Diane Cirincione, Linda and Steve Conger, Richard Diehl, Werner Erhard, Bill Farley, Bucky Fuller, Tim Gallwey, and Bruce Gordon.

To John Graham, Susan Greene, Herb Hamsher, Willis Harman, Terry Hubka, Arthur Jackson, Jerry Jampolsky, Spencer Johnson, Elisa Julien, Dawn Kairns, John Katzenberger, Larry Kendall, Randy Kunkel, Richard Lamm, Tammie Lane, the Leary family, Jim Laue, Amory and Hunter Lovins, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Ann Medlock, W. Mitchell, Bev Moore, David Neenan, Richard Noffsinger, Klaus Obermeyer, Rod OConnor, John Phillips, Vince Pugliese, Chuck Racine, Ram Dass, Dave Randle, Tony and Becky Robbins, Bob Samples, Rusty Schweickart, Ellen Stapenhorst, Ray Schonholtz, David Spangler, Kollene Sublette, Hal and Dorothy Thau, Bill Thistle, Marshall Thurber, Tom Vondruska, Ian and Vicky Watson, Treya and Ken Wilbur, Wyatt Woodsmall, the members of the Alive Tribe, Buckminster Fuller Institute, and The World Game, Inc.

To my parents, Tom and Lucille Crum, who have always been there for me with total love and support.

To Cathy and our children, Tommy, Eri, and Ali, who have been my greatest teachers and closest friends.

And especially to John Denver, who is like a brother to methe best kind of brother, the one you can count on when the chips are down. Thank you, Johnand all of youfor all that you have given to me.

When Tom Crum and I began working together, I knew I had found a true ally, someone who could help me put my feelings into practice. For all of my life I have abhorred violence. When I was a child, I would walk away from a fight, even at the risk of being called chicken. My fear was that I would hurt someone. My faith was that there were other ways to take a stand: ways that would strengthen a relationship, not break it down; ways that would prove a point, not negate it; ways that would demonstrate the value of a position and not diminish it through violence. Being stronger or tougher or meaner didnt make that someone right. As far as I was concerned, resorting to violence, more often than not, was proof of a persons self-doubt and insecurity, not their strength. It demonstrated not a lack of intelligence, but a lack of consciousness. And to me, that is just what the resolution of conflict is all about. Consciousness. It is what moving beyond success is all about. Inner and outer peaceas a conscious choice.