Buelow - Insight: reflections on the gifts of being an introvert

Insight: Reflections on theGifts of Being an Introvert

by Beth L. Buelow

First Smashwords Edition, copyright2012

This ebook is licensed for yourpersonal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or givenaway to other people. If you would like to share this book withanother person, please purchase an additional copy for eachrecipient. If youre reading this book and did not purchase it, orit was not purchased for your use only, then please return toSmashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respectingthe hard work of this author.

All hyperlinks were accurate at thetime of publication (July 2012).

For Andy, my favoriteintrovert.

I love you.

CONTENTS

Authors Note

Part One: What It Means tobe an Introvert

About the Author

Further Reading

Authors Note

My favorite kind of books are thosethat offer me a bit of inspiration combined with information I canuse. They include humor alongside the profound, pragmatism upagainst imagination.

Above all, they challenge me to seemyself and my world differently.

I like bite-sized chapters that allowme to browse and get just the right dose of information before I'moff to the next thing (usually falling asleep!).

That's the idea behind Insight:Reflections on the Gifts of Being an Introvert. It's a compilationof pieces that speak specifically to the introvert, mixed in withtopics that are more general but still interesting to anyone whowants to deepen his or her self-awareness.

My wish for everyone - especiallyintroverts - is that we all live in alignment with our naturalenergy and strengths.

I hope you find this book an affirming,thought-provoking companion on your journey.

Beth L. Buelow, July2012

Part One:

What It Means

to Be anIntrovert

To be a soulfulperson

means to go against all thepervasive,

prove-yourself values of ourculture

and insteadtreasure

what is unique andinternal

and valuable inyourself

and your own personalevolution.

~ Jean ShinodaBolen

1| The Secret Life of Introverts

Painfully shy.

Low self-esteem.

No self-confidence.

No social skills.

Afraid of people.

And yes, a loser.

How do I even survive in the world, ifthis is what people think of introverts!

These were just a few of the words agood friend used to describe an introvert when I asked him todefine one. He even referred to it as something that may need to befixed.

Now, I love my friend dearly. He isincredibly smart, aware and mature. However, on this point, hescompletely 110% wrong.

Once I set him straight (and as nice asI can be, I can definitely set someone straight), I recognized thata large part of the reason I feel called to specialize in coachingintroverts is because we are a misunderstood, stereotyped bunch.There are stories about introverts ones made up by others, oneswe make up about ourselves that can hold us back in apredominantly extroverted world. I wish to empower every introvertI know to understand, own and leverage the gifts and strengths thatcome with being inwardly focused.

What is an introvert? According to theJung Lexicon, introversion is a mode of psychological orientationwhere the movement of energy is toward the inner world.

So, what does that mean? In simpleterms, it means that an introvert is someone who gains energy whenalone and drains energy when around too many people.

An introvert can be, as one of myfriends puts it, happy as pie spending time alone. An extrovertis likely to become bored or lonely after 15 minutes ofsolitude.

Other introvert traits and preferencesinclude (this is a generalized list; there as many differentvariations and levels of introversion as there areintroverts):

Think carefully before speaking oracting

Prefer to express feelings in writingrather than talking

Excellent listeners

Have a selected few deep, closefriendships

Dislike small talk

Enjoy self-reflection andintrospection

Can have different public and privatepersonas

Its that last one that trips people upthe most. Anytime Ive mentioned Im an introvert, I almost alwayshear No way! I never would have guessed. Its not that Im asplit personality or that what you see in public is not the realme. Its simply that over time, Ive learned to manage my energy tomatch the situation. I know how to be super social or spontaneousand still take care of myself and my needs.

All of us, no matter what ourorientation, have elements of introversion and extroversion. In mycase, its a dial by which I can turn the volume up or down as Iwish, and my dial default is several notches towardsintroversion.

One point I want to be crystal clearabout: claiming the word introvert is not about slapping a labelon you, or putting you into this little box. Its about havinganother piece of information that can help you understand yourselfbetter, to help you be true to yourself.

If youre an extrovert, you may beasking, Hey, what about me? Wheres the love? Rest assured, Ilove you, too. ;-) My mission as a coach, writer, teacher andpersonal development fanatic is to facilitate self-understandingand empower people to trust their truth. While I may use the wordintrovert a lot, that doesnt mean that extroverts wont findvalue, meaning and insight in my message.

2| Can We Stop with the Introvert=ShyAlready?

Oh dear, did that title soundexasperated? I think it did. Because I am.

Over the past 18 months, Ive beenespecially in tune with articles and posts that mentionintroversion. And so often, there is a collapsing of thedefinitions of introvert and shy. The article will start out OK,positing that introverts can be leaders, or business owners, orsales people. Then they will highlight a particular person, firstby describing how he or she was shy as a youth. The shyness may betrue, and its somewhat irrelevant to his or her status as anintrovert.

As long as I see credible news outletsand bloggers interchange introvert with shy (or almost worse,with passive, which is what the Harvard Business Review did inreports of recent leadership research), I know that we need to keepbeating the introvert-does-not-equal-shy drum.

(Quick note: I am NOT saying theresanything wrong or shameful with being shy. Its simply that as longas we accept incorrect definitions, well not have access to thesolutions or information that can help us the most. Making anaccurate assessment of the situation leads to bettersolutions.)

The past 12 months have found me infront of more than 25 different groups, for a total audienceexceeding 1,500. Each time I speak, I start out by asking peoplewhat words or phrases come to mind when they hear the wordsintrovert and extrovert. 100% of the time, introvertimmediately triggers shy. Other words that make a regularappearance: quiet, reserved, thoughtful, pensive, contemplative,recharges through alone time, and sexy (sexy? Yes, that one wasshouted out at a presentation. When someone mentioned it was truefor extroverts, too, I affirmed that yes, anyone who embraces whothey are and radiates confidence in it is indeed attractive andsexy!).

Heres what I share about thedifference between introvert and shy: Introversion is a personaltrait that informs where we gain and drain energy. Introverts gainenergy from solitude and quiet, and we drain energy from socialinteraction. We are internally oriented, most closely in touch withand living from our inner world. Were also likely to be internalprocessors; we think before we speak, rather than thinking outloud. We live from the inside, out.

I can see why this can be confused withshy. We see someone being quiet, or not approaching people at aparty, or squirreling away to work on a project, and we think thatperson is not comfortable with people, i.e., shy. And that personmight very well be shy. Or, he might simply be introverting. (Moreon that in a second.)