Johnson Susan M. - Created for connection: the hold me tight guide for Christian couples: seven conversations for a lifetime of love

I can see now, GOD, that your decisions are right;

Oh, love meand right now!hold me tight!

just the way you promised.

Now comfort me so I can live, really live;

your revelation is the tune I dance to.

P SALM 119:7577 (T HE M ESSAGE )

T his is an exciting time for anyone aspiring to understand and begin deliberately shaping their most important love relationship. The first, bestselling version of this book laid out the revolutionary new science of adult love and the couple therapy model, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), based on this science. It also described the explicit map to lasting love that this science now offers us. The book was designed to reach a broad general readership. However, a trusted Christian colleague of mine, Kenny Sanderfer, recently asked me to consider writing a version of this book specifically for Christian couples. His rationale was compelling: Christians seeking guidance for their love relationships want to know not only that what they are reading is grounded in sound research, but also that this guidance is completely consistent with their faith and the Scriptures that guide them in their pursuit of divine wisdom. This made perfect sense. As Kenny and I placed the science of EFT alongside the ancient wisdom of the Christian Scriptures, clear and consistent parallels between EFT and biblical teachings about divine love and Gods teachings about human love leapt out at us. It is not surprising that a system of understanding love relationships based on the best of modern research on adult love is so consonant with the wisdom of this ancient book of faith, which is bookended with images of marriage (Gen. 2 and Rev. 22) and emphasizes the centrality of love from beginning to end. Science and spiritual wisdom often teach us to see things that, once we are aware of them, seem obvious and mirror our own innate sense of truth.

The main reason for the revision of the original book, which is titled Hold Me Tight, is the passion that both Kenny and I share for helping couplesall couples. Kenny communicated to me that, as a Christian, his deep calling in life is to help couples of faith find the love they were created to experience, with God and with each other. I agreed that it would be difficult to find an institution more committed to the task of reconciliation and the restoration of loving relationships than the church. Kenny pointed out that, unfortunately, divorce statistics show just how much people of faith struggle in their marriages. It seems that there has never been a time in Western societies when the challenges to long-term relationships have been so great.

Over many long, fascinating conversations, Kenny helped me see the natural connection between what EFT has to offer and the urgent need of the church to help people of faith shape more positive and lasting relationships. He is passionate about bringing this powerful, effective system for helping couples to people of faith, and helping Christian readers connect with the insights offered by EFT from the vantage point of their own biblical worldview. Our conversations also explored the broadened application of attachment theory to mans relationship with Godthe ultimate giver of secure connection and love. Christians believe, as do I, that we are indeed created for connection. The Bible teaches that as creatures made in the very image of God, we bear the likeness of the One who made us in love for love, and who, in and of Himself, dwells in a community of love: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I was touched and inspired by the realization that my work could guide readers back to the unhindered loving connection that we were created for and that the Bible refers to again and again.