Johnson - Understanding the Man You Love

T he idea for this book stemmed from several women asking for a book similar to my book on authentic masculinity, The Power of a Man . They wanted to know how to be the best wife possible and how to best meet the needs of their husbands (many of whom were unable or unwilling to articulate their needs and desires to their wives). They wanted to know what men really need and want from a wife so they can fulfill those expectations. They said most books only address the physical aspects of a woman that are attractive to a man. They felt they could not live up to that Barbie factor and so were discouraged. Instead of guessing, they wanted to understand a standard that men have of women. They wanted to know (from a man) all the things that are attractive in a woman and what a man needs or expects from a wife. After all, if you dont know what is expected of you how are you supposed to meet those expectations? I think many women feel like they are playing a losing game in this arena.

As usual when I write books for women, I asked a large number of females for their input. I was curious about what they wanted to know most about men. I surveyed a wide range of women, both young and mature, married and single. I talked to women from as many races, religions, and backgrounds as I could. These women were surprisingly (even shockingly) open about the questions they had regarding men (youll see some of their questions with my answers at the end of each chapter). I also surveyed a number of menparticularly about their relationship with their mothers, which seems to be a topic most women are interested in.

I received quite a number of responses from women who feel the way this woman does:

This particular topicalthough probably neededdoes not appeal to me and in fact seems demeaning to women. If the church werent so busy telling wives that they need to please their man maybe the men would need to stop being so spoiled and blaming their wives for their own poor communication skills and simplistic approach to life.

Hmmm, I wonder what she really thinks? But I believe she has a valid point, at least in some regard.

I also received just as many responses from women at the other end of the spectrum who feel like this woman:

I really wish women could just get over themselves. The world doesnt revolve around us, and maybe instead of unloading all of our blah-blah-blah on our husbands, who arent equipped to handle that sort of mass woman-formation, we should meditate and learn how to quiet our minds and save our need to emotionally vomit for our girlfriends. Then wed be more apt to put on something sexy and meet our man at the door at the end of the day than to unload on him and then freak out that he doesnt understand whats going on.

Im not sure that those radically diverse answers were specifically helpful, but they did confirm to me how complicated women are regarding most issues, including this one.

I know some of you are thinking, Not another book on what men need! I spend my whole day meeting the needs of other people. What about my needs? When is someone going to write a book about what I need? Believe me I sympathize with you. I realize the brunt of nourishing families and maintaining relationships falls upon women. I also know that men in general tend to be a bit self-focused or even selfish. I acknowledge that this is a heavy burden and that without women there would be no civilization (in fact, no human race at all). But women have been uniquely qualified and gifted to be able to meet these challenges. Part of what makes this responsibility easier is understanding your motivations and the expectations of those whose lives you fulfill and complete.

Many womens frustrations stem from wondering, What does he expect from me? Im doing everything the best I can. Doesnt he know Im at the end of my rope here? Maybe if, instead of guessing, you are able to put your efforts into more efficient and productive endeavors, it will help ease that burden.

Women seem to be driven to make all things in their livesrelationships, marriages, childrenbetter. Part of the challenge most women face is they interpret their husbands needs through their own filter. This book gives women an open and honest look inside the world of a mans needs (which even he might not recognize) and helps them understand how best to use their powerful influence to have a satisfying and exciting relationship.

My previous book, The Man Whisperer , focused exclusively on how a woman can communicate with her husband. This book addresses a wider range of topics about how a woman can satisfy and support the needs of her man. It will help a woman understand a mans sexual needs and how he feels about work. It will help her encourage his emotional growth, recognize common traps most men fall into, encourage him as a father (and in his other roles in life), and know what men admire and desire most in their wives. This book gives women a look at the insides of a man to understand how he thinks, how he operates, and what motivates him. It also sets a standard of desirable femininity from a mans perspective.