Crowe Ellie - Caregivers survival guide: caring for yourself while caring for a loved one

Advance praise for Caregivers Survival Guide

Even for someone as supremely accomplished as scientist, inventor, and waterman Dr. Rob Yonover, nineteen years devoted to caring for his wifes MS seemed at the outset an outsized challenge. Where do you start? How do you endure? How do you create the best life for the one you love and will eventually lose, as they can no longer live the life the two of you had planned? Caregivers Survival Guide is the hard-won, easy and entertaining to read, step-by-step how-to/memoir of the Yonovers intimate journey, wrapped up in a love letter to his late wife, Cindy. Its packed with practical advice and deep personal insightsall designed to provide focus and equilibrium in the face of the overwhelming. This is what you have to know as a caregiver to care not only for your loved one, but to also care for yourself.

David Rensin, co-author of American hero Louis Zamperinis best-selling autobiography Devil at My Heels , and All for a Few Perfect Waves

Based on research and nineteen years of experience, this family caregiving narrative provides an honest, compassionate, and humor-filled guide that will appeal to those involved in any kind of long-term care partnering. From how to source expert help and services, deal with extended family and visitors, to self-care, carving out a niche for joy, and managing grief, the Caregivers Survival Guide illustrates how love, in very tricky times, can both sustain and enhance relationships.

Cathie Borrie, author of The Long Hello

An informative gem that can only inspire admiration for Dr. Rob Yonovers decades of full-time work keeping a loved one alive and a family together. Hard-won practical tips included.

Ethan Podet, MD

Caregiving is hard work under any circumstance, particularly so when the recipient is in a condition which declines. Just when you think youve reached your limit, caretaking demands increase. Beyond the incredible personal story of Rob Yonovers unexpected challenge, caretaking of his wife with MS, and raising his two young children, is the psychological process of finding ones resilient core. His story is a guide to all about redefining ones identity and values in an authentically sustainable way with everything at stake. Sustainable, because often the person saving another gets drowned themselves. I recommend the book as a highly readable, informative guide, a story of love and personal struggle filled with support, practical day-by-day tips, but most importantly a path to discovering ones own core resiliency.

Wayne Giancaterino, PhD, clinical psychologist

Caregiving is one of lifes most brutal, yet fulfilling experiences. This honest, unflinching, yet humorous guide is sure to help others who are about to start their own journeys.

Noriko Wada, active caregiver

Robs wry sense of humor, combined with his unflinching observations, are a refreshing departure from the usual literature. As a fellow caregiver, its reassuring to see there are universal truthsI just wish I had this guide before starting on my own journey!

W. N., caregiver for parents suffering from dementia

Copyright 2018 by Robert Yonover and Ellie Crowe

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Yonover, Robert, author. | Crowe, Ellie, author.

Title: Caregivers survival guide: caring for yourself while caring for a loved one / Robert Yonover, PhD, and Ellie Crowe ; illustrations by Janet King; foreword by Carlyn A. Tamura, PsyD ; introduction by Robert Yonover, PhD.

Description: New York: Skyhorse Publishing, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018005562| ISBN 9781510731776 (pbk.: alk. paper) | ISBN 9781510731783 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Caregivers--HawaiiPopular works. | Male caregiversHawaii--Popular works. | CaregiversFamily relationshipsPopular works.

Classification: LCC HV1441.8.U5 Y66 2018 | DDC 649.8dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018005562

Cover design by Mona Lin

Print ISBN: 978-1-5107-3177-6

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5107-3178-3

Printed in the United States of America

To Our Son and Daughter
and to All the Children of Parents with Medical Challenges
Rob Yonover

Contents

Foreword

BY CARLYN A. TAMURA, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist, Child and Family Therapist

If you are a caregiver of a spouse, parent, or child with a serious illness, dont think twice before you read this book. In Caregivers Survival Guide , Robert Yonover, PhD, presents a humanistic, compassionate, and practical look at the tools one needs to survive and thrive on the emotional rollercoaster of caregiving. Although the authors wife had multiple sclerosis (MS), a chronic, disabling disease that attacks the central nervous system, his dilemmas are similar to anyone in the depth of caretaking.

This jewel of a book is filled with useful and practical advice that covers topics from Dr. Robs personal journey with his wife, Cindy, and their intimate battle with MS. For two decades, the author has immersed himself in the emotional, psychological, and medical research to be the best caregiver he could to his partner. At the same time, he also continued to raise his two children, who were relatively young at the time of their mothers diagnosis. Rob Yonover walks us through a heartfelt journey with ease to understand explanations of the ins and outs of finding appropriate support services, dealing with extended family, and the art of self-care as the primary caregiver.

The advice in this book not only guides you through the challenges but also is entertaining. Dr. Robs raw ability to take you into the throes of his life as a caretaker, husband, and father is not only refreshing but his story also offers guidance and hope. Reading the researched ideas and the accompanying compassionate story is well worth the limited time a caregiver has on a daily basis.

Turn the page and start on your way to better caregiving through solid advice and this heartfelt personal story....

Carlyn A. Tamura, PsyD

Introduction

BY DR. ROB YONOVER

As a scientist, inventor, and extreme waterman, I trained myself to analyze all situations and solve any problems in the most efficient manner possible. I had my world worked out, I thought. And then my world changed.

Suddenly, Cindy, my wife, and I were two people who were not only in deep love, but also in deep shit. Cindy was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I wasnt going to let this major challenge ruin the family and love we were so fortunate to haveit doesnt come around that easily.

Dont kid yourself, if you find yourself becoming a caregiver, you are in for the biggest challenge of your life, physically, mentally, socially, and financially, that can ultimately rock the foundation of your relationship. This book is my attempt to equip others who face similar challenges in all types of caregiving with some tips and guidelines to make their situation survivable.