David E. Clarke - Honey, We Need to Talk

Any relationship is only as good as its communication, and without great communication youll never obtain the deep levels of intimacy that God designed us to experience and enjoy. While Honey, We Need to Talk is a unique and rich resource for married couples, it also includes great insight for couples who are seriously dating or engaged. Its an easy read that goes beyond theory and clichs to practical tools and skills that can make an immediate difference in your relationship. This is a book that youll read, refer to, and want to pass on to others.

GARY J. OLIVER, THM, PHD

EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, THE CENTER FOR

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

PROFESSOR OF PSYCHOLOGY AND PRACTICAL THEOLOGY,

JOHN BROWN UNIVERSITY

If you feel scared, tongue-tied, frustrated, or overwhelmed by the thought of having a heart-to-heart with your spouse, this book is for you. The level of communication in your marriage will skyrocket as you implement this proven advice. Plus the stories in this book are flat-out hilarious!

ARLENE PELLICANE

AUTHOR, 31 DAYS TO BECOMING A HAPPY WIFE

Honey, We Need to Talk by Dr. David Clarke confronts the greatest single challenge to marriages todaycommunication. He addresses the issue with enough candor, admission of personal failure, and humor laced through serious issues to make the cure palatable and even pleasant. Dr. Clarke brings professional expertise, experience, and biblical insights to bear on the issue of communication lapses. I also appreciate the fact that [the book] allows unmarried couples to confront their futures, evaluating where they are and making the decision to either marry or walk away from the relationship. I recommend Honey, We Need to Talk without reservation.

HAROLD J. SALA, PHD

AUTHOR AND FOUNDER, GUIDELINES INTERNATIONAL

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HONEY, WE NEED TO TALK by David E. Clarke, PhD, with William G. Clarke, MA

Published by Siloam

Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group

600 Rinehart Road

Lake Mary, Florida 32746

www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked MEV are taken from the Holy Bible, Modern English Version. Copyright 2014 by Military Bible Association. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Copyright 2017 by David E. Clarke

All rights reserved

Cover design by Lisa Rae McClure

Design Director: Justin Evans

Visit the authors website at www.davidclarkeseminars.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

An application to register this book for cataloging has been submitted to the Library of Congress.

International Standard Book Number: 978-1-62998-967-9

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62998-968-6

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate Internet addresses and phone numbers at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication.

CONTENTS

I LOVE THRILLER NOVELS. They always start out with a bang. That first dramatic sentence sends a chill up my spine, and Im hooked.

Mr. Smith didnt know it, but he had thirty seconds to live.

The terrified woman and her paddleless canoe rushed toward Niagara Falls.

The helicopter carrying the senator shuddered as the missile struck.

As the glamorous actress left the hotel bungalow, the lone assassin raised his rifle.

This book you are holding is a relationship thriller. So Im going to start out with my own dramatic sentence:

I know the secret to deep, lifelong intimacy between a man and a woman.

Im not kidding. I really do know the secret.

I should know it. Ive been married to my beautiful blonde, Sandy, for over thirty years. Together we have learned a lot about intimacy. Ive also been a Christian psychologist in private practice, working with all kinds of couples with all kinds of problems, for over thirty years. Thats a total of sixty years of experience with opposite-sex marriages!

The secret is this: learning to tell each other the truth about practically everything.

I say practically because there are some private matters that are only between you and God. I say learning because no one has the natural ability or inclination to communicate clearly and deeply with the opposite sex. No one. When we begin a relationship, we are not prepared or even able to be open and honest with the other person.

Quite the opposite, in fact. We hide the truth. We hold back the truth. We distort the truth. We have no idea how to truly connect in conversation and get to know each other.

Why? We dont speak the truth because it is human nature to protect oneself and not be vulnerable. Sharing truth, especially with the person we are closest to, exposes us to potential harm and pain. It feels a lot safer to keep truth hidden.

THAT SLIVER OF SOAP

A communication breakdown can happen so easily too. Heres just one example from my marriage to Sandy.

For the first ten years of our marriage, Sandy and I had no problems with our shared use of the bathroom shower. She showered in the evening, and I showered in the morning. Her shampoo was on the top shelf of the shower organizer; mine was on the middle shelf. She was in charge of buying her shampoo, and I bought my own.

Most important, we shared equally the replacing of the essential element of every successful shower experience: the bar of soap. Sandy always kept a good supply of soap in the hall closet, a mere ten steps from our shower stall. It was an unspoken agreement that we took turns putting a fresh bar of soap in the shower whenever it was needed. The soap bar rested in the place of honor on the bottom shelf of the shower organizer.

As Im sure you know, theres really nothing worse in a shower than a sliver of soap. When a bar of soap reaches a certain level of sliverness, shall we say, it will not produce any lather no matter how hard you rub it. Instead, it splits into two or more pieces, and when you try to rub the pieces in your hands, they fall to the shower floor. Once the fragments hit the floor, the centripetal force of the water hurries them toward the drain.

Of course you quickly bend over and try to collect the pieces before they slide out of reach and become irretrievably lodged in the drainpipe. You fail and thus are forced to touch the slimy, hairy, incredibly nasty drain to clear it of the pieces. Your hands are now infected with the drain residue and eleven kinds of bacteria. But you cant wash them because