David E. Clarke - Married but lonely

David Clarke has done it again! Married... but Lonely is an incredibly practical, biblical, and insightful book. Guys, read this book. Youll rise up and call David Clarke blessed when your wife rises up and calls you blessed. And, oh yes, youll thank me for recommending it to you.

STEVE BROWN
PROFESSOR EMERITUS, REFORMED THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
RADIO HOST, KEY LIFE
AUTHOR

Its time for intimacy in your marriage, isnt it? Do I have a book to recommend to you! Dr. David Clarkes Married... but Lonely has proven steps to get you and your spouse to the marriage youve always dreamed of having.

PAT WILLIAMS
SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT, ORLANDO MAGIC
AUTHOR, LEADERSHIP EXCELLENCE

David Clarke has done it again! Married... but Lonely is a savvy mix of wit and wisdom, practical advice and biblical counsel that gets to the heart of the causes and cures of the intimacy-challenged husband. Both the clueless husband and the frustrated wife will find sensitive and thoughtful guidelines to discovering or rediscovering the intimacy every marriage deserves, every marriage requires.

DR. WOODROW KROLL
PRESIDENT, BACK TO THE BIBLE

Dr. David Clarkes book Married... but Lonely addresses the issue of what women most want out of marriage and men are reluctant to give: intimacy! Understanding what men and women both need and want, Dr. Clarke gently leads couples into a deeper, lasting, and fulfilling relationship. For couples who know there is more out there than they have but didnt know what they were searching for, its a must-read!

HAROLD J. SALA, PHD
FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT,
GUIDELINES INTERNATIONAL MINISTRIES

Most CHARISMA HOUSE BOOK GROUP products are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchase for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, and educational needs. For details, write Charisma House Book Group, 600 Rinehart Road, Lake Mary, Florida 32746, or telephone (407) 333-0600.

MARRIED... BUT LONELY
by David E. Clarke, PhD, with William G. Clarke
Published by Siloam
Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group
600 Rinehart Road
Lake Mary, Florida 32746
www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2013 by David E. Clarke
All rights reserved

Cover design by Lisa Cox
Design Director: Bill Johnson

Visit the authors website at www.davidclarkeseminars.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:
An application to register this book for cataloging has been submitted to the Library of Congress.
International Standard Book Number: 978-1-61638-698-6
E-book ISBN: 978-1-62136-005-6

People and incidents in this book are composites created by the author from his experiences in counseling. Names and details of the stories have been changed, and any similarity between the names and stories of individuals described in this book to individuals known to readers is purely coincidental.

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors or for changes that occur after publication.

To Rocky Glisson

A loving husband to Debi

A great dad to Beth

A terrific therapist to his clients

And my best friend

Contents

PART ONE
Help! I Cant Get Close to My Husband

PART TWO
Seven Steps to a New Husband

Step One
I Need a Team

Step Two
This Is Exactly the Kind of Husband I Need You to Be

Step Three
Honey, I Need to Forgive You

Step Four
I Need to Know Exactly How I Am Killing Our Intimacy

Step Five
This Is Exactly the Kind of Wife I Need to Be

Step Six
I Need Your Help to Heal From My Past Pain

Step Seven
I Need to Get Tough and Rattle Your Cage

PART THREE
What if God Wants Me to Stay in a Lonely Marriage?

PART ONE
HELP! I CANT GET CLOSE
TO MY HUSBAND

Chapter 1
He AutomaticallyAvoids Intimacy

T O EVERY WOMAN reading this, regardless of income, social level, or educational background, the chances are very good that your husband has no idea of how you want him to get close to you. My research over the past two decades, as a clinical psychologist and as a speaker presenting marriage seminars nationwide, shows that 85 percent of all husbands have noclue when it comes to achieving closeness with their wives. However, to make absolutely sure, take my intimacy avoider (IA) Quiz:

Fine.

OK.

Pretty good.

Sure.

I dont know.

Nothings wrong.

I dont want to talk about it.

I said I was sorry.

Get over it.

Youre overreacting.

You shouldnt feel that way.

I forgot.

I never said that.

Its that time of the month, isnt it?

How about some sex, baby?

Whats on television?

Do we have to visit your parents?