Clarke - Kiss Me Like You Mean It: Solomons Crazy in Love How-To Manual

Dr. David Clarke knows people. Dr. David Clarke knows humor. Dr. David Clarke knows his Bible. These come together in the perfect storm to put passion back in your marriage.

Dr. Woodrow Kroll, president of
Back to the Bible International

If youve lost that loving feeling but would like to get it back againand in the process take your marriage to a whole new levelthen Kiss Me Like You Mean It is a book youll have a hard time putting down. It is humorous, witty, wellwritten, but most of all practical! Davids keen insights from the Song of Solomon will help you see marriage from a new perspective and free you to enjoy the deep levels of passion and intimacy that God designed us to enjoy in a healthy marriage relationship.

Gary J. Oliver, Ph.D., executive director of The Center for
Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University
and author of Mad About Us: Moving from
Anger to Intimacy with Your Spouse

Dr. Clarkes book is a clarion call to the reality that marriage is not a business relationship but a warm, intimate interface of two unique individuals becoming one, and that this relationship can be kept vibrant and meaningful by a romance that need never grow cold. It will help reignite the fire that has grown cold for many.

Harold J. Sala, Ph.D., founder and president
of Guidelines International

Kiss Me

Like You Mean It

Solomons Crazy in Love How-To Manual

Dr. David Clarke

a division of Baker Publishing Group
Grand Rapids, Michigan

2009 by Dr. David Clarke

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Clarke, David, Dr.

Kiss me like you mean it : Solomons crazy in love how-to manual / David Clarke.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-8007-3329-2 (pbk.)

1. Bible. O.T. Song of SolomonCriticism, interpretation, etc. I. Title.
BS1485.52.C53 2009
223 .906dc22 2008047710

Scripture is taken from the New American Standard Bible , Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

To Bill and Kathy Clarke,
who have had a Song of Solomon love
for over fifty years

Contents

Why doesnt passion between a man and a woman last? Why, in 100 percent of all marriages, does passion disappear just a handful of years after the wedding? What kills that glorious, heart-pumping, electric, sexually charged feeling of love and desire?

I have the answer. And its not pretty.

After two decades of intense marital research, I have discovered the shocking truth about passion. To cushion the emotional blow youre about to receive, I urge you to sit down, take a deep breath, and hug your favorite stuffed animal to your chest. Ready? Here are my findings.

Something completely unexpected and terrible happens two to fourteen years into a marriage. The person you fell passionately in love with is replaced by an alien. Im not kidding. The alien looks exactly like the wonderful person you married, but its behavior is bizarre, unbelievably annoying, and obviously designed to drive you insane.

You and your spouse used to have so much in common. You enjoyed the same activities. You laughed at the same things. Your feelings and thoughts were so in tune. You were soul mates. But now you and this alien have virtually nothing in common. The differences between you could fill a book. Actually, an entire library.

My research has also revealed that aliens always replace both spouses in a marriage. In my twenty-one years as a clinical psychologist, Ive worked with a lot of married couples. Hundreds and hundreds. Marital therapy is my specialty. Every husband and wife has said words like these to me privately: Doc, who is this person Im now living with? You wouldnt believe the changes Ive seen in my spouse. I want the person I married to come back!

Im telling you, its aliens. Here are some alien transformation stories. Draw your own conclusions.

Communication

When the man was dating you, ladies, he could communicate. He actually talked to you and shared personal things. Now, his communication skills have vanished. He has very little to say to you. Everything in his life is a secret. Its as if hes joined the CIA and all of his informationthoughts, feelings, opinionsis on a need to know basis. And, apparently, he believes you dont need to know much at all.

Almost every day you ask him, What happened today? He almost always responds with the one word that drives you crazy: Nothing. Youd like to reply, Nothing? Really? Were you drugged when you got to work and tossed into a storeroom for the entire day?

Hes angry, agitated, and irritable. Obviously, something is bothering him. You ask a simple question motivated by compassion: Honey, whats wrong? He slams the door, conversationally speaking, on your fingers with his trusty one-word answer: Nothing. Now youre angry, agitated, and irritable. You know good and well somethings wrong! How can you help, if he wont tell you? How can you get to know him better and build intimacy, if he wont tell you?

The mans other tried-and-true response is: I dont know.

Woman: How was your day?

Man: I dont know.

Woman: What did you think of the movie?

Man: I dont know.

Woman: When do you want to discuss finances?

Man: I dont know.

Woman: How do you feel about what I just said about our marriage?

Man: I dont know.

With these three words, he indicates there may be some information in his head, but he is unable to access it at this time. Hed love to talk, but unfortunately, hes drawing a blank. Of course, youre on to him and his little game. No one draws a blank that often. Either hes in the early stages of dementia, or he just doesnt want to talk to you.

When you were dating the woman, husband, you knew she was expressive. Shed talk about all kinds of things, and you enjoyed listening to her. You didnt mind. Now you mind, because it seems as though she talks five times as much. Shes gone from being a medium-size waterfall to Niagara Falls. She is drowning you in her torrent of words!

She wants you to know absolutely everything that happens to her every day. No event is too small to share. And you will hear not only what happened, though shell cover that in incredible, minute detail. Youll also have to hear her feelings, her thoughts, the feelings and thoughts of the other persons who were there, the feelings and thoughts of persons who werent there but to whom she talked and found out their feelings and thoughts, past events in her life that this current event triggered, and what the event means about her, you, and your relationship.

If you can somehow gut your way through her detailstudded monologue, youre not done yet. Shes not just telling a story. She wants your feedback, and shes going to ask you for it. Repeatedly. Shell pepper you with all kinds of questions. She wants to know your thoughts, responses, reactions, and feelings. Its like living with a private investigator whos always probing for information. She wants to know how her experience of this event impacts you and resonates with you and your relationship with her. She wants to know how this event has helped you to understand her better. All you can think to say is: