Hogan Sharon - The art of civilized conversation: a guide to expressing yourself with style and grace

O ne person walks into a caf, sits down to a cup of coffee in silence, finishes it, and goes back to the same old day. Two other people walk into that caf, sit down to two cups of coffee, have a good talkand go on their way with fresh energy, comfort, and insight. Simply by connecting them, conversation has changed them. And thats the definition of art. Civilized conversation is an art that transforms everyday life into something richer. It can engage your mind, excite your imagination, and expand your view of the world.

Just as a civilized conversation can get the morning off to a great start, it can enhance your work life all through the day and invigorate an evening of social life. If you enjoy the art of conversation with your family and friends, you will also shine at breakfast with a client, lunch with coworkers, and dinner with your boss. Its the Swiss Army knife of social skills that anyone can learn to use. Take it with you wherever you go, and youll be equipped to turn a seatmate into a confidant, an interviewer into an employer, and an acquaintance into a friend. As an accomplished conversationalist, youll be welcomed everywhere; everyone loves good conversation because it is fun.

Conversation, which is a craft as well as an art, requires only a little talent and a lot of practice. You dont have to be Michelangelo, just a good mechanic. The more you practice, the better you get and the more pleasure it brings. Anyone can refine the art of civilized conversation with virtually anyone else, regardless of dissimilarities in age, status, job, family, or abilities. Good talking skills can help you bridge distances and differences of opinion with people you want to stay close to. If youre new in town or starting a new phase of life, it can smooth the transition. Whether you are beginning to speak English or learning to use it better, the art of conversation will help you with exactly which words to say and when.

This book will help you excel at conversation. It will show you how to talk and listen betterand find more pleasure in doing both. It holds dozens of helpful ideas that will sweeten, smooth, and strengthen your social life so you can look forward to your dayfrom the first good morning to the reflections you share over an evening meal. If you usually fear that you will bungle an introduction at a party, this book will provide you with enough opening lines to knit a safety net. These suggestions will help you enjoy meaningful exchangesnot just fulfill social obligations. They will help you delight in social reparteenot just survive it. By the time you reach the last page of this book, you will be the kind of sparkling conversationalist who also makes other people shine.

Where I grew up in the Midwest, when you get together with someone, you dont just talk; that would be commonplace. Nor do you converse; that would be pretentious. Instead, you visit. You can visit on the phone and visit on the street. Lets just visit with each other awhile means that you welcome each other to a space youve created just by talking. Conversation doesnt get much better than that.

Conversation lets you be an artist every time you open your mouthor shut it. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, The most important art is to omit; the key to being a master conversationalist is to listen at least as much as you talk. Just as the other arts include pauses in a dramatic play, white margins around printed text, and space between a singers phrases, conversation is about silences as well as about words.

In addition to listening well, the other simple principles of civilized conversationdont ramble, dont gossip, dont bore, and disagree carefullyare not arbitrary demands of etiquette; rather, they are based on caring about yourself and about others. Etiquette and manners are not out-of-date rules. Instead, they are generally accepted guidelines for making everyone comfortable enough to connect.

Good conversation is classy, humane, practical, universal, and, when well done, seemingly effortless. It can also be defined by what it is