Rolf Nabb - How to Talk to People: A Quick Guide to Small Talk and Big Conversations

How to Talk to People

A Quick Guide to Small Talk and Big Conversations

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How to Talk to People

A Quick Guide to Small Talk and Big Conversations

Rolf Nabb

Artrum Media

How to Talk to People: A Quick Guide to Small Talk and Big Conversations. Copyright 2020 by Rolf Nabb.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission. For information go to www.artrummedia.com.

Published by Artrum Media.

eBook ISBN13: 978-1-938107-76-4

eBook ISBN10: 1-938107-76-4

Disclaimer: This book is not intended to replace medical advice or be a substitute for a psychologist. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse affects of this book. Neither author nor publisher is liable for information contained herein.

For the conversationally challenged.

Contents

Talking to People

Not everybody has the gift of gab, but almost everybody wants to communicate well. They may say they dont, but they do. This is because, on some level, everybody wants to connect to other people in a meaningful way. Its just something humans do. Even if its not in words or conversation, most people want to express themselves. Whether its through art or good deeds, or just good old gabbing, people want to reach out to the world. They want people to know who they are and what they think. Sure, some people just want to be left alone. However, when they are sitting or standing in close quarters with you in either a social or business setting, even these stand-offish types realize how uncomfortable it is to be in close proximity to another person without talking.

Its true. Its natural to talk to other people but sometimes its incredibly awkward. Especially in social situations. Even more so when the situation is either forced or accidental like at work, in an elevator or standing in line at the DMV. Or maybe its because a person perceives the other individual as being above them or possibly better than them, or are intimidated by them in some way.

I know Ive certainly been in this situation and thats why one day after being at a social engagement for work and finding myself in one awkward situation after another, I decided to get to work on this. I decided to research what works and what doesnt in regards to small talk and starting casual conversations. While doing this, I found out that I wasnt unusual in my situation. A great many people out there also simply dont know how to start conversations. Once they get going, a lot of them are okay but its that initial jumping off point, that initial point of contact thats so difficult.

In other words, its like being at the eighth grade dance and everybody wants to dance but everyone is afraid to get started. As a result, people stay to themselves and end up standing by the wall.

One of the most awkward things about starting conversations is that most likely the person youre trying to talk to is in the same predicament. They are as unsure of how to start a conversation as you are and thats what this book is about. Its how to nudge conversations that are waiting to get started into getting started.

As far as using your phone in the original sense as a talking device, while this is not the focus of the book, the techniques well go over can be adapted for phone conversations as well and you can use them to more effectively communicate. In regards to texting, thats also not the point of this book. While its a form of communication, its not the same as talking. Its also one of the reasons why people cant communicate in a person to person setting any longer. Its simply too easy to send a message to another person without engaging in the nuances of real life human interaction.

In a nutshell, thats what conversation is all about. Its about being able to engage with other people on a personal level. Whether they are big or small, important or casual, conversations are simply people talking to people. The only real difference is the subject matter and setting. Whether its a superficial or on a deeper level, its about communication. And the focus is going to be conversation. How to start them, how to end them and how to make them work in a way that benefits everybody. And doing it face to face, person to person. Also, how to get them started and have people think youre the kind of person they would want to talk with. I mean, anybody can go up and talk to somebody, but to have that person want to talk to you and be glad that they did, thats getting it right. Knowing what to say is a critical skill that can help you in many facets of your life. Your social life as well as career will only get better as a result of developing it. While a lot of people will say, Why this stuff is just common sense! Everybody knows this! The fact of the matter is that this isnt true. If it was common sense, wouldnt everybody already know it?

Real Magic: Talking to People

You know how in the movies and books, someone says an incantation and magic happens? Hocus pocus! Open sesame! Its then that things get going.

Its magic, right?

Well, good conversation is kind of similar. You say a few words, the right words and things also happen. You find out information. Someone agrees to do something for you. You agree to do something for someone else. You put a plan in motion, etc In other words, things get done.

Effective conversation is real magic. And unlike a magical spell you cast, anybody can do it. You dont have to go to a special school for wizards to learn how it works. Words can have real power and if you know how to use them, its amazing what you can get done, both in your personal and business life. Its like a key that you use to unlock the universe. All it takes is a little knowledge, confidence and experience.

Its that easy.

How to Talk to Everybody

A lot of people are intimidated when they talk to other people. Especially people who they think are either richer, more powerful or are in a higher position than them either professionally or socially. And this is understandable. However, while its reasonable that you are a little intimidated, you shouldnt be afraid. As the saying goes, people are people and if you can talk to one person, you can talk to another one just as well. And this is true. The most important thing is to be yourself and have something to say. Just keep in mind that people like to talk and if youre a person who has a good attitude and is personable, theyll be glad to engage with you.

Whether they are just regular folks or CEOs, if they are in a social or professional situation with you, they are the same as you. Sure, some of them may be snobby or maybe even rude, but this is on themnot you. Dont be daunted by another persons position or bad attitude. If youre having a shared experience with them, like standing in line at the DMV or at the grocery store, believe me at that moment they are in the same boat as you and they are probably feeling just as awkward as you are about interacting. The same thing goes if youre asking for a raise or have a great suggestion at work.

So how do you approach them if you cant help but be intimidated? Is there any kind of technique or secret if you lack confidence?

The answer is yes and no.