Rolf Nabb - Help for the Shy: Tips for Overcoming Shyness

Help for the Shy

Tips for Overcoming Shyness

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Help for the Shy

Tips for Overcoming Shyness

Rolf Nabb

Artrum Media

Help for the Shy: Tips for Overcoming Shyness. Copyright 2014 by Rolf Nabb.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission. For information go to www.artrummedia.com.

Published by Artrum Media.

eBook ISBN13: 978-1-938107-54-2

eBook ISBN10: 1-938107-54-3

Disclaimer: This book is not intended to replace medical advice or be a substitute for a psychologist. The author and the publisher expressly disclaim responsibility for any adverse affects of this book. Neither author nor publisher is liable for information contained herein.

For the self-conscious.

Help for the Shy

Are you the type of person who has something to say, but cant bring yourself to actually come out and say it? Youre just too afraid to speak up that you just sit there quietly and hope the discussion moves on to something else?

Or are you the type of person who wants to make a big splash? Who wants the world to know who you are? Instead of doing this, however, you choose to remain in the shadows because youre too afraid to put yourself out there.

In other words, are you just too self-conscious and embarrassed to do anything that will make you stand out?

If youre this type of person, you know what its like to be shy.

I know its hard for people who arent shy to understand this, but being shy can be like a cage. It keeps you from meeting other people and away from other people who want to meet you. It literally isolates you. I know that many people who dont understand will say that the answer to overcoming it is to just get out there and to just start talking. Well, this is true, however, with a shy person, this is also the problem. They just cant do this. If they could, they wouldnt be shy .

Thats the purpose of this book. To help people overcome this inability to do what needs to be done to either defeat or deal with shyness. Ive been there. Ive been the person who doesnt speak. Ive been the person whos afraid to put himself out there. I know firsthand how hard it can be to deal with shyness and I also know how easy it can be overcome it once you make the effort to start.

But before we get going, let me state that this book is designed to help people who have trouble interacting with others and/or are timid about new situations. It is not for the chronically social phobic or people who are under psychiatric care. This book mainly details what I did to overcome the problem and how I approached it. One should look at this book as an encouragement from a fellow sufferer on how to get out there and do what needs to be done to overcome basic shyness in business and in your everyday life. Look at it for what it is: Tips for overcoming/dealing with shyness.

Also we need to address the issue of shyness versus introversion. Some people say theyre the same thing. Others say that theyre not. They say shyness is fear-based while introversion is merely a facet of ones personalitythe need to be alone. Well, as far as this book goes, this splitting of hairs doesnt really matter. What Im going to be talking about is shyness, or rather timidity in social and business situations. It is up to the reader to decide whether or not they want to lump this in with introversion or to differentiate it.

First, however, you need to ask yourself a few questions: Do you want to live up to your potential? Do you want to go out there and get what you want? Do want to be the success you know you can be?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then stop letting shyness stop you.

But to even start to overcome/deal with shyness, we need to look at some of the major places it occurs in your life. To understand just how its limiting you, lets look at a few examples of how shyness rears its ugly head in the workplace and beyond.

Do you ever find yourself in a meeting and have something important to say, but are too shy to actually come out and say it? It could be a game changing idea and put a real feather in your cap but you are so reluctant to speak up in public that you let the moment pass and subsequently the accolades go to the person who actually does voice their opinion. Or maybe you stay quiet and someone doesnt steal your spotlight in the meeting and you are able to talk to your supervisor about your ideas privately at a later time when everyone isnt listening. You feel pretty good about yourself until you find out later that hes taken your ideas and made them his own. No one else heard you voice them so whos to question your contention that he didnt come up with them on his own? That is, if youre actually not too bashful to voice a contention.

This is just a peek into the frustrating life of a terminally shy person in the business world.

And what if your shyness isnt just limited to your career? Most likely if youre shy in business, youre also shy in your personal life as well. How many opportunities for love, recreation and enjoyment have passed you by because you were just too scared to speak or just put yourself out there? No doubt they are countless. Maybe your shyness is the root cause of you being looked at as a pushover. Maybe people think they can dominate you because they know that you wont stand up for yourself.

Regardless, this is all shyness and it can usually be traced down to one thing: A fear of being judged.

Look at it this way: We build fences to keep things in. We build fences to keep things out. We do the same thing with walls. We always want to keep things organized and separated. We want to protect our stuff from whats out there to get it, from the people or things that are out to take it or destroy it.

Shyness is the same way except its a little more complex and not nearly as useful as a fence or a wall because all it does is separate us from other people. It keeps us from getting to know them, but more importantly, it keeps them from knowing us. It is a barrier that we build with our minds and can be the source of a lot of misery and frustration. This is why one has to either overcome it or learn to live with it. If not, it will always be a hindrance, not just to a persons career and personal life but also to his self-esteem. How will a person ever be able to achieve his true potential if hes too afraid to actually let someone see his true potential? Athletes may be able to overcome this obstacle because they live in the realm of the physical, but the rest of us? We have to communicate and when we cant, it is hard to go anywhere and it is even harder to get anywhere.

With this established, lets go back to the beginning. Lets go back to where shyness starts childhood . Most people start out being shy. Yes, its true. A lot of people are bashful when they are kids. Im sure that at one point, even the most outgoing and gregarious individual hid behind his mothers skirts in the presence of a stranger. This is natural. Its also a protective mechanism. Children should be intimidated by strangers and strange things. They are so vulnerable they should be a little apprehensive about venturing into new situations. One of the main reasons behind this is because the world is big and they are little. They are afraid of people and situations with whom they arent familiar. And this is a good thing. It helps to keep them safe. But as experience is gained, the world becomes smaller and their confidence grows. They are less afraid and soon the shyness disappears.