Catherine Gillet - The Shyness Solution: Easy Instructions for Overcoming Shyness and Social Anxiety

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

King Whitney Jr.

Congratulations for choosing to embark on this journey of transforming your shyness into strength. As you practice the exercises in this book, you will solve your shyness. Give yourself a giant pat on the back for your determination and motivation. And remember, fear of failure is a natural and perfectly normal response when we venture into new territory. You have made a decision and choice to change your life for the better and you will succeed. You are not aiming for perfection here. The only thing required of you for success is a willingness to try. If you have a setback or disappointment, great! Youve now joined the rest of the world. Every difficult situation you encounter is an opportunity for growth and greater self-awareness. It all depends on how you look at it. And now you are free to choose to look at your life in a hopeful, optimistic way. Once you have set the course of your life in a positive direction, there is no turning back. You now have nothing to lose besides your feelings of isolation, sadness, and pain. You are entitled to have the life you want. You deserve to be joyful and content with who you are. Living a rich, full, and meaningful existence is your birthright. Go for it!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love, 1992

The Shyness Solution is about transformation. It begins with acceptance of yourself as who you are and as you move through these pages, you will move toward a greater understanding and compassion for what you may have believed and experienced as a personal and social liabilityshyness.

The journey toward self-acceptance and self-awareness is not easy. You will be challenged to rethink and deprogram shyness as stigma into shyness as strength.

If you are convinced that shyness is a negative trait which must be fought, conquered, defeated, and overcome, you will be asked to consider the positive aspects of this personality trait, of which there are many.

If you suffer from a diagnosed severe anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and/or profound social phobia and fear resulting in debilitating panic attacks, you should seek the help of a professional trained in these disorders and then return to this book in the future.

The Shyness Solution is written for those of you who would like to dispel feelings of self-consciousness, inadequacy, and painful isolation from your lives. You will be asked to reconsider assumptions and negative self-definitions you may have held for years. The sojourn you will take may not be easy, but since the goal is a new attitude of self-compassion, enthusiasm, and hope, it will be well worth the time you spend. By listening to your inner wisdom and making friends with your shyness, you will be free to move in the world and your life with greater confidence and joy.

Through the exercises you will find in the following chapters, you will be assisted in identifying long-held beliefs about yourself and you will be given the tools to confront what is no longer working in your life and the encouragement you need to make a change.

As we embark on this journey of transformation, shyness will not be seen as a stigma to be ashamed of, but as a strength which can enrich your life and give you the courage to be yourself, fully, in any situation, social or otherwise. And you will be given practical assignments and advice on how to achieve your personal goal of finding a solution to your isolation and loneliness which your shyness may have contributed to.

As you follow the guidelines in this book you will find that acceptance will replace fear, positive affirmation will replace habitual negative self-image, and anxiety will be transformed into confidence.

Chapter One, Too Shy?, includes a questionnaire, which will help you rate your shyness level. You may be very surprised at the results!

Chapter Two, Once Bitten, Twice Shy, explores the ways in which past experiences and years of being labeled shy can be understood and solved with specific strategies designed to break the cycle of habitual shyness.

Chapter Three, Shy Fox, explores the healthy and productive aspects of shyness. Traits like tact, reserve, and modesty are valuable assets of the shy personality and are often overlooked in our Type A driven culture.

Chapter Four, Shy Charm, talks about other benefits of shyness, which can enhance your relationships with family, friends, and love interests. Among others, the techniques of Thought Stopping and Acting as If, will be offered to assist you in transforming the manner in which you present yourself in the world of others.

Chapter Five, Fun Shy, offers other strategies aimed at developing the ability to enjoy the company of others. This chapter also includes tips to assist you in The Art of Conversation and how to feel less self-conscious when in a group or unfamiliar situation.

Chapter Six, Love Shy, delves into the mystery of attraction. You will learn why you may be reluctant to get involved in relationships, why they may be difficult to sustain, and finally, how to engage a love interest and feel safe while risking intimacy. It also offers specific locations and situations, which will assist you in expanding your social connections, circle of friends, and potential love interests.

Chapter Seven, Life of the Party, includes techniques for engaging in social situations comfortably and offers a new perspective on what it really means to be the life of any party or social gathering.

Chapter Eight, Youre Too Loud, So Ill Be Quiet, discusses how what is termed shyness is often a reaction to the rhythms of a relationship or social dynamic where one many feel reluctant to assert themselves when surrounded by the non-shy. This chapter will also give you the understanding that you can choose who you wish to associate with and offers advice on types of people you may want to seek out, and types to avoid as you begin enlarging your social circle. This chapter also explores assertiveness versus aggression and how to ask for what you need and want from others in your relationships and career.

Chapter Nine, Painfully Shy: Along with offering advice such as seeking professional help, etc., for those who suffer from extreme social anxiety and phobia, this chapter also provides resources for support and connection with others who are on the same journey you are, as you continue your transformation from shy-fearful to shy-confident and strong.