50Minutes.com - Simple Solutions to Shyness: Easy tips to become more confident and outgoing

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. (Marie Curie, scientist and two-time winner of the Nobel Prize)

While the Collins English Dictionary defines a shy person as someone who is nervous and uncomfortable in the company of other people, the French psychiatrist Christophe Andr gives a much more precise definition. According to him, this psychological mechanism manifests itself in an individual when they are faced with anxiety-inducing social situations. Although the shy person has a clear desire to build relationships and interact with those around them, they become withdrawn and avoidant in order to escape the embarrassment and discomfort they experience.

Shyness is a universal problem which can affect anyone, regardless of their gender, nationality or social status. Some great personalities were reportedly extremely shy, sometimes to an unhealthy extent. According to a study carried out by the American psychologist Philip Zimbardo at Stanford University, almost one person in two admits to feeling shy on a daily basis. These results have been confirmed by other studies carried out across the world.

Did you know?

The French actor Jacques Villeret (1951-2005) was extremely shy, but this did not stop him from having a successful film career. He once claimed that he did not trust people who were not shy, as he saw this as abnormal (Durieux, 2008).

Shyness can occur at any age, and is part of the normal development of every individual. For example, in the 1960s the American psychoanalyst Ren Spitz drew attention to a particular phenomenon, which he called eight-month anxiety and which manifests itself in the infant as a fear of strangers and a refusal to leave the arms of its attachment figure, usually the mother. Most children between the ages of two and three also go through a phase of shyness around strangers, which may be longer or shorter depending on their personality. Adolescents are also not immune to shyness: according to a study carried out on a sample of some 10 000 American teenagers between the ages of 13 and 18, around 50% of young people describe themselves as shy, and almost 12% display signs of social phobia (Burstein, Ameli-Grillon and Merikangas, 2011). This fear of the unfamiliar generally disappears in adulthood, although this is not always the case. It is also worth pointing out that adults who never suffered from shyness as children can by affected by social anxiety.

When I was a child, I used to talk to everyone and I wasnt afraid of interacting with strangers. That all changed when I reached adolescence. Some of my classmates started to reject me and make fun of me, for no good reason, just because they didnt like the way I dressed or talked. I must have been 13. That was when I started to withdraw into myself. (Sarah, 25)

It is easier to recognise shyness by the symptoms which characterise it than by the situations which trigger it. However, a distinctive feature of shyness is that it is always linked to social situations; indeed, shyness only exists in relation to other people. Although this makes it difficult to draw up a concrete list of anxiety-inducing situations which cause significant stress and encourage a person to become shy, it is nonetheless possible to outline general social circumstances which trigger the feeling of discomfort and unease that shy people suffer from. In most cases, this embarrassment manifests itself when we become the centre of attention and all eyes are on us, because we feel that there is nowhere to hide and judgement, whether it is positive or negative, is now inevitable. Stepping into the spotlight is a significant source of anxiety for shy people. Frequent and unavoidable anxiety-inducing situations include:

• giving a presentation in front of a group of people (class, work colleagues, an audience, etc.);
• sitting an oral exam or being interviewed for a job;
• talking to someone we find attractive;
• having a discussion with someone we admire;
• meeting new people.

The five types of shyness