Karia - Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

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Akash Karia
#1 Bestselling Author of How Successful People Think Differently

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TABLE OF CONETNS

Chapter One
CREATING A STELLAR FIRST IMPRESSION WITH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

Chapter Two
BREAKING THROUGH FEAR AND BREAKING THE ICE

Chapter Three
SEAL A MEMORABLE VERBAL IMPRESSION IN 30 SECONDS

Chapter Four
BECOME AN ACTIVE LISTENER

Chapter Five
MAKE YOUR PERSONALITY SHINE

Chapter Six
GOING FROM INTRODUCTION TO INTIMACY

Chapter Seven
KEEP YOUR CONVERSATION ALIVE

Chapter Eight
AVOID STOPPING A CONVERSATION COLD

Chapter Nine
HOW TO END THE CONVERSATION POSITIVELY

Chapter Ten
WRAP UP: FOLLOWING UP ON A CONVERSATION TO DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 1

CREATING A STELLAR FIRST IMPRESSION WITH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

How quickly do you make judgments about people?

Wed like to think that we dont judge people until we get to know them. But the truth is it only takes a tenth of a second to make an accurate judgment about someone you meet or see.

Research shows that this is true. In 2005, a study conducted by Alex Todorov, a psychologist at Princeton University, along with his student research assistant Janine Willis, proved this. During the study, participants were asked to watch a short video less than a second of political candidates. They were then asked to predict who would win the election. Whats so interesting is that with just that tiny exposure to video, the participants made correct predictions 70% of the time.

What does that mean? It means that most of us make instant judgments that have a real impact over time.

As a speaker, you need to be able to create a great first impression within a tenth of a second. How do you do that? I have five surefire techniques that will help you to do just that.

TECHNIQUE #1: MAKE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC

Whether you realize it or not, people can immediately pick up on your energy. When you go into any type of interaction a job interview or even a social party people will quickly know how youre feeling internally.

If you feel nervous, that energy will permeate the room and everyone will know it. If you feel angry, you can turn people off immediately as they sense your negative energy. Even if you try to mask it, youll be sending out energy waves that cant be hidden.

This is one way that people develop a gut feeling about you they pick up on your energy. And most people are very good at picking up on this whether they know it or not. That makes it important for you to go into any interaction by setting the right intention beforehand.

So, what is the right intention?

As an introvert myself, Ive found that the best way to approach any interaction and achieve maximum success is to do it with ENTHUSIASM. That means making a conscious decision to be enthusiastic instead of anxious.

But can you really control your energy that well?

In fact, it is possible to create feelings of happiness and enthusiasm. Two different studies conducted by Yuna L. Ferguson, a researcher at Knox College, and Kennon M. Sheldon, a researcher at the University of Missouri, found that its possible to change your own mood.

Researchers asked two groups of participants to listen to music that is considered happy. One group was told to try to avoid relaxing and improving their moods while the other group was told to consciously work toward feeling happier. Other groups were asked to do the same thing without the happy music.

In the end, the group that was the happiest was the one that both listened to happy music and focused on trying to feel happy as well.

What that means for you is that you can make a conscious decision to be happy and you can also make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. We have much more control over our emotions and energy than you might think!

Whats the reward for going into an interaction with enthusiasm? People will see you as open and positive and theyll respond well to you. But when you lead with nervous and anxious energy, you tend to close yourself off to others.

So heres what I encourage you to do: Make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. By doing so, your body language will naturally mirror that emotion. Youll exude positive, friendly, and warm energy that will draw people to you and help them to see you in a positive light.

Try This:

Before you go to your next social gathering, make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. It will help to think of the excitement of making new friends or the taste of the delicious party food (you can focus on anything positive about the event).

You might even want to try snapping your fingers to snap yourself out of anxiety. This helps to break up nervous energy and allows you to refocus on becoming enthusiastic instead.

Exercise is another way to help use up nervous energy and promote a more relaxed, but enthusiastic energy. Before a big event try going for a ten-minute walk or jog or even do a few jumping jacks.

TECHNIQUE #2: BE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE

How you hold yourself says a lot about how you feel even though this may be an unconscious message. What is your body language saying about you?

When youre preparing to go into any interaction, its important to be aware of your body language and make sure that its sending the message you want it to send.

Take a moment and write down the characteristics you want people to associate with you as soon as they see you. Write down at least five characteristics. Some examples include:

• confident
• open
• enthusiastic
• bold
• strong
• comfortable in your own skin

Next, I want you to think of someone who embodies these characteristics. Who comes to mind?

Once you have a particular person in your mind, visualize him or her. How does he or she stand? What do you notice about his or her movement? What type of posture are you envisioning?

Now, take on that same posture. Are your shoulders pointed up or slumped down? Is your back straight or bent over? Notice all the adjustments you have to make in order to exhibit the same posture.

Once youve achieved a similar posture, pay attention to how it feels. This is the posture that you want to have when you go into any interaction.

According to social psychologist and Harvard faculty member Amy Cuddy (www.AkashKaria.com/Amy), your body language not only affects how people see you but also how you see yourself. Her research has shown that when you stand in a high-confidence posture, your confidence levels also increase.