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Interior and Cover Designer: Eric Pratt
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Illustrations Joseph Carrington, 2020. courtesy Marta DeMartini.
ISBN: Print 978-1-64739-058-7 | eBook 978-1-64739-059-4
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To Irene. You never said too much or too little, but just enough. And it was always perfect for the occasion.
I never considered myself a particularly good communicator. I was more the type to be curled up with a book than interacting with other kids. And as an introvert, I was more of a listener than a talker. At the same time, my grade-school teachers frequently noted that I was friendly but chatted too much in class. What gives?
Years later, after studying the sciences, I found myself spending more time alone in the lab than socializing with friends and family. I came to realize I really needed to brush up on my communication skills, particularly in small-talk situations. I tended to avoid networking events that would have helped me advance my career simply because I wasnt sure what to say to strangers, and I hated the initial awkwardness of walking into a room and not knowing how to approach a group. It always took me a while to warm up. I even avoided chitchat by sitting in the corner and pretending to check my cell phone for an urgent message. On the other hand, I was always the last to leave the event because I eventually hit my stride and enjoyed being in the company of new people.
With the inevitable twists and turns of my career path (something most people today can probably relate to), I was always shifting roles, whether at work or in my personal life. After some time working as a teacher, I went on to become an IT consultant. I then made a dramatic switch and ended up singing professionally for a living. This change meant I had to regularly converse with new clients as well as audience members at parties and other social events. Within the space of a few years, my job morphed from convincing noisy teenagers to settle down to study to encouraging my audiences to forget their woes and get on the dance floor. At the same time, I was movingNew York, Atlanta, Londonand each time needing to make new friends.
Now I work as a communication specialist. As a speaking coach, consultant, and keynote speaker, I help individuals, companies, and organizations devise communication strategies or improve their performance at conferences and meetings.
Throughout my journey, Ive become increasingly curious about the kinds of skills we need for successful everyday communication, whether its conversing with followers on social media (as I do as an entrepreneur and small-business owner), calming down an angry friend, or dodging unwanted advances from strangers. Some people are naturally great at communicating and always seem to know the right thing to say. Others have to learn from experience, and thats fine, too. We all have the capacity to be great at interacting. Effective communication is a learnable skill.
Whether youre studying, working, or retired or are single or attached, you can benefit from learning to communicate effectively. This book will give you tools and strategies to clearly and appropriately communicate in everyday face-to-face interactions as well as on social media and messaging apps. You will also walk away with ways to communicate effectively in unique and unpredictable situations.
This chapter explores why its so important to have good communication skills, and what you can achieve when you can communicate effectively. Some people are lucky enough to develop great communication skills at a young age. Either their parents or mentors teach them these skills, or they just come naturally. But if thats not you, rest assured you can learn these skills, and this book will help.
Vital Life Skills
Human beings are social creatures. From our early days as cave people living in groups, it was necessary to communicate, even if the language we spoke was more akin to guttural utterances and rough gestures than fully formed words. According to a 2012 article in Psychology Today , in prehistoric times, humans who werent able to communicate their value to the group or who irritated those around them likely wouldnt survive for long. Being ostracized would have meant almost certain death. Life would have been short and brutal (or, rather, even shorter and more brutal). Today, the stakes for poor communication arent quite so high, although we may not always feel that way. Sure, the chances of being singled out and literally eaten by a wild beast are almost nonexistent, but we still need to communicate to thrive and avoid a similar fate, figuratively speaking.
