Olsen - 50 after 50: reframing the next chapter in your life

Praise for 50 After 50

Maria Olsen has opened her heart in this deeply personal story that travels from deep despair through an affirming journey to renewal and joy. A compelling story that offers advice and encouragement for anyone seeking purpose, passion, and happiness. Robin Gerber , author of Leadership the Eleanor Roosevelt Way: Timeless Strategies from the First Lady of Courage and Katharine Graham: The Leadership Journey of an American Icon

Olsen is provocatively honest in her new book, 50 After 50 , as she openly talks about delicate topics from her past. I applaud her ability to re-create herself and seek her bliss. This book shows how we can all change our mind-set and transform ourselves if we choose. I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking their best life. Trish Earnest , addictions clinician and author of Blood on the Walls: A Womans Journey From Rebellion to Redemption

I am so glad Olsen is mapping out her explorations and encouraging other women to go on their own adventures. I work with a lot of women who turn 50 and say What now? Whats next? Who am I? I love the idea of explorations, experiments, and deep dives during this beautiful stage in life. What a gift to have this conversation. Aging is really the privilege of a lifetime. Pleasance Silicki , health coach, teacher, and author of Delight: Eight Principles for Living with Joy and Ease

Olsen has the courage and knows the importance of conquering fears, fulfilling dreams, and taking new steps at every stage of life. Id follow her anywhere! Iris Krasnow , best-selling author of relationship books

It feels like a miracle! Just as I am entering the final countdown to 50 myself, embarking on a career change, and as our youngest child has left for school, Olsen, who I have long admired, sent me her delectable manuscript. This book is now cherished reading and a guidebook to the next chapter of my life. As soon as I put it down Ill be starting my own 50 after 50 list and will get busy checking them off! Aviva Goldfarb , author and entrepreneur; founder of The Six OClock Scramble

50 After 50

50 After 50

Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life

Maria Leonard Olsen

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York London

Published by Rowman & Littlefield

A wholly owned subsidiary of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

www.rowman.com

Unit A, Whitacre Mews, 26-34 Stannary Street, London SE11 4AB

Copyright 2018 by Rowman & Littlefield

All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Olsen, Maria Leonard, author.

Title: 50 after 50 : reframing the next chapter of your life / Maria Leonard Olsen.

Other titles: Fifty after fifty

Description: Lanham : Rowman & Littlefield, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017052855 (print) | LCCN 2017054665 (ebook) | ISBN 9781538109656 (Electronic) | ISBN 9781538109649 (cloth : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Middle agePsychological aspects. | Change (Psychology) | Rejuvenation. | AgingPsychological aspects.

Classification: LCC BF724.6 (ebook) | LCC BF724.6 .O47 2018 (print) | DDC 155.67/19dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017052855

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

Printed in the United States of America

To my sisters in sobriety,

especially Sandy, the woman who helped save me from myself

Preface

Maria 2.0, or Out of the Mud Comes the Lotus

A t age 50, I drank my way out of my 25-year marriage. I had, against advice I knew, put all my eggs in the motherhood basket, willfully derailing my successful law career. As teenagers, my precious children did not need me in the hands-on way they had previously. In fact, they were dirtying the nest in preparation for going off to college and beyond. My husband and I had grown apart because, among other things that were entirely my fault, we failed to nurture that important relationship. I was depressed and stuck.

As I turned 50, I had the distinct feeling that I was on the downward slope of my life. Actuarially speaking, I was. So when I turned 50, my gift to myself was to go on a crusade to make the most of whatever time I had left. I set out to do 50 new things that were, perhaps, significant only to me. The list spanned physical challenges, adventure, travel, spiritual work, and lifestyle changes. Each taught me something about myself and how I wanted to live the next decade and more of my life.

We all have challenges in life and cards we are dealt that we would rather not face. Life does not go as planned. But each of us can adapt and reshape our circumstances moving forward.

I had a lot of darkness in my past. It was painful to come to terms with some of that. But I took the necessary steps for me to heal. I have heard that the lotus flower grows out of mud. It took me a long time to appreciate my mud....

I had always been a bit of a dilettante. I was fairly good at many things, but expert at none. Part of that had to do with my desire to evade introspection. I spent much of my life running away from myselfrunning so fast so that I would not have time to look within. When my therapist asked me what made me happy, aside from my children, I had no answer. When I reflect on this now, I am astounded. I suppose I really did not know who I was in any meaningful way. For the most part, I just took on roles that were expected of me and subjugated my desires unless they coincided or meshed with the given role. Pursuing 50 new things was part of my quest to determine who I was at my core and what cultivated joy for me.

The definition of happiness is debatable. In my youth, it meant pleasure and excitement. Those things can contribute to happiness, but I was looking for something less fleeting. At 50, happiness for me means contentment, serenity, and peacewith some spice mixed in.

I set off on a spiritual retreat, to search for clues about the authentic me and the meaning of my life. I actually went to rehab first, which was spiritualso spiritual that I went five times. What planted the seeds of my transformation was a retreat led by don Miguel Ruiz in Teotihuacan, Mexico. I now strive to live my life according to the tenets of his book, The Four Agreements . These Four Agreements and the Twelve Steps for recovering alcoholics provided the road map for the next chapter of my life.

So eager was I to share my new way of living that I joined forces with friend, Dr. Nicole Cutts, and led some writers spiritual/empowerment retreats. Our tribe of women writers and seekers continues to support each other and check in on our writing and other projects. Participants have called our Vision Quest Writing Retreats healing and affirming, and full of love, authenticity, and breakthrough.

I came to terms with being middle-aged. I didnt actually like the way I looked in the mirror, so I looked in the mirror less. I had been a lifelong athlete of some sort, and had run three marathons. The fire for running had dimmed since nearing and turning 50, and my knees rebelled at the beatings they had taken. I took up walking, and run-walking. I took more time appreciating nature as I moved along. I did daily gratitude lists in my mind and on paper. I prayed, sometimes reciting rosaries in my mind.