Cole - Spice It Up: Spice Up Your Sex Life, Explore Your Fantasies and Kinks, and Blow Your Partners Mind

This might be the tough part for most people.

You might know what you like, and know what sensations you want to try out. Perhaps you saw some porn that seemed really up your alley in all sorts of surprising ways. But none of that matters if you cant bring it up with your partner and have it done to you!

Why are we afraid of approaching our partners, and why are we shy in a way that we normally wouldnt be?

Because we are afraid of them judging us. Rather than attempt to convince you from this fear, Ill just say this: theyve seen you naked and know what your orgasm face looks like. Theyve already judged you and are still having sex with you. They know that people like different things and that vanilla missionary sex isnt ideal for everyone.

If youre with a good partner, you wont be judged for wanting to try something new. They should actually encourage openness, expressiveness, and hearing your true feelings and preferences.

And that should run both ways. Remind thm tht u rnt thr t judg thm nd you might even want to reveal something vulnerable about yourself to set the open and non-judgmental tone.

Th bt w t bring th ti up is not in a rhrd frm, it i bt if it i brught u inidntll and mwht ntnul. Spontaneously as in mentioned in an offhand manner, not that you wont have rehearsed it.

There is a big difference between: Hey, sit down. We need to talk about something. Versus a casual: Hey, I just heard about this. What do you think?

If you want to be slightly more indirect and feel safer doing this, you should concoct a story about the kink or spice that you want to introduce into your sex life.

I just read about this kink what do you think?

OR

My friend just told me he did this what do you think?

Tht way, you arent making a uggtin, u are tting it a probable venture, nd u can gug th reaction of ur rtnr t ur tr. Gently probe their reaction and see how open they might be to it.

When introducing your ideas, however you do it, the key is to not be aggressive or 100% excited and forward about it. This might make them feel forced to do it, even if they arent interested in it, if they see how strongly you want something. Dont push too hard, because then it will cause one party to be happy and the other party be to silent and resentful.

Thats another reason why bringing it up spontaneously and not as a sit-down topic is better. Just put it out there and see how they feel about it without any pressure or expectation from you. The last thing you want your partner to feel is pressure or expectation. Its uncomfortable and downright unsexy.

Its also worth repeating that you hv t rt a f for them t talk but wht th wnt, giv them nugh tim t think n your ming rl, and rvid thm the best nvirnmnt fr their diin t be md in.

No pressure in any of those stages.

Then, giv thm th opportunity t save f and let you (or themselves) down gracefully if they ultimately decide not to engage in whats proposed. You want the decision to be 100% on them but its a delicate balance because youve also implied that you have needs that arent being satisfied, so there must be some degree of compromise.

To make them feel invlvd and ritd, you can g t a x shop where a lt f products related t sexual r rti ntrtinmnt - uh vibrtr, lingerie, nd thr rltd rdut - are ut on display nd ld.