Violet Blue - The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy: How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games, Erotic Massage, BDSM and More

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Copyright 2004, 2014 by Violet Blue.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or online reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Cleis Press, Inc.,

2246 Sixth Street, Berkeley, California 94710.

Printed in the United States.

Cover design: Scott Idleman/Blink

Cover photograph: Willie B. Thomas/Getty Images

Text design: Karen Quigg

First Edition.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Trade paper ISBn: 978-1-62778-041-4

E-book ISBN: 978-1-62778-058-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

Contents

San Francisco sex education is a horse of a different color, and in the hands of as skilled a synthesizer of information as Violet Blue, people from every city and town can have a San Fran-frisky sex life, or just the friskiest one on your block. Just deliver yourself into Violets hands as she introduces you to your deepest desires, or at least shows you the doorway through which to walk to find out what they might be.

Not everyone knows for sure what they like sexually and might want to do, which may be one of the biggest challenges for people who want to figure out whats on the menu with a new partner, or one with whom youd like to open up to new erotic possibilities. How do you even negotiate your boundaries and desires if youre not sure what they are? How do you care for a partner who really cant yet be clear enough about their hot spots and no-go zones?

Almost all of us got a terrible sex education. There are exceptions, of courseUnitarians and Scandinavians, students of really brave sex ed teachers, and even a few excellent moms and dadsbut in fact, for most adults, it falls to us at age eighteen to make something of the pleasure-based possibilities of our present and future sex lives. Regardless of your orientation and gender, theres a lot to learn, and endless possibilities to consider. (Ive been teaching a class lately called 7 Billion Sexual Orientationsthats a lot of possibilities.) Besides the obvious problems with this scenarioyoung people who launch into their sex lives unclear on the mechanics of it alltheres the added problem that youll likely hit rough waters in your relationships if you cant talk about sex comfortably and engage in it pleasurably.

So, were lucky to have Violet and the knowledge base she draws from to bring sexual possibilities aplenty into your home via this and her other books. I have known her for many years, having worked with her back in the day at Good Vibrations, the sex shop she references in her opening pages. I was in charge of staff education at that time, helped by Charlie Glickman and other long-time SESAs (sex educator/sales associates), and we saw that Violet was born to do this. She quickly made a name for herself in the world of San Francisco sex education and adventure that I began exploring when I arrived in the Bay Area in the 1980s to get my Ph.D. in sexology. I also learned from the excellent program at San Francisco Sex Information, where I was training coordinator with my partner Robert Morgan Lawrence before we started the Center for Sex & Culture. Violet quickly became an asset at SFSI, too. We were both fortunate that the erotic explorers and sex educators who came before us had created such an amazing world of information, sex-related organizations, and play environments, and such a diverse sexual world that avid students like us could graduate to become teachers.

Theres another thing that can step on peoples tails and put the kibosh on sexual exploration: the thought that there might be something wrong with us sexually. that were not normal. For a society that is as fascinated with sex as we are, we certainly have a funny way of showing it; its like we have to express as much disapproval as necessary to prove were not too pervy, and then we can get down to watching the pervy porn. Well never know how many people have been denied the sex life and identity that would have made them happy because they couldnt get over this fence, but here, too, were lucky that Violet has stepped up. Her light, yet informative, tone makes it seem possible that this sexy fun is accessible to us, too, not just those people. In fact, in the world of San Francisco sex ed, there is an educational model that guides us when we sit down to write or stand up to teach: Its called PLISSIT, and it is what sex therapists are taught to offer you if your sex life is so stuck or fraught that you require their helpful services. They know that you need Permission, Limited Information, and Specific Suggestions (and only possibly Intensive Therapy), which is why Violet appears here too in the role of your permission-giver, teacher, and coach for fantasy exploration. As shut down as many of us have been about our desire for wide-ranging information and experience, it is a vital role indeed.

We dont get much permission in sex education, much hand-holding or support for taking our own road and finding our own thrills. Certainly there is no Explore Your Fantasies! module in most sex ed classes on the planet. But Violet teaches that class here, and if going to sexy school isnt the right fantasy to get you to turn the page, just riffle through your minds collection of decadent desires and put her in a cop uniform or in the directors chair. Whatever you do, entrust her with something especially precious: your fantasy life.

Carol Queen, Ph.D.

Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist and author of

Exhibitionism for the Shy

Sexual fantasy is one of our great cultural obsessionsit is the mirror of desire, reflecting our own, and our lovers, faces. Books devoted to fantasies fly off the shelves of bookstores, encouraging our hunger for more. More fantasy, variety, something different; more unusual, bizarre, and titillating sexual daydreams; more ideas for shared sex play. We want our sex lives to be exciting and diverse, and we want to be electrified, shocked, intrigued, and stimulated by new and unusual ideas for sex.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is for the thousands and thousands of women and men who want their sex lives to be an ever-changing menu of intimate daily specials. We all dream of making our fantasies come trueor at least making them vivid and heart-stopping, like a sexual thrill ride. Few of us tire of wanting to know our lovers fantasies, and we continually quest to satisfy them.

I know this is truebecause Ive spoken to an endless stream of customers who visit the women-run sex toy store where I work. They want to know how to make coupled sex hotter and seek practical inspiration for spicing up their routine. It seems like everyone wants something hotter, newer, more arousing, more inspiring.