Table of Contents
Ultimate Guides from Cleis Press
The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos
by Violet Blue
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men
by Bill Brent
The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women
by Tristan Taormino
The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio
by Violet Blue
The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians
by Rachel Pepper
The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability
Miriam Kaufman, MD, Cory Silverberg and Fran Odette
The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy
by Violet Blue
The Ultimate Guide to Strap-on Sex
by Karlyn Lotney
For B.L.M.
Foreword
Pussy is a wondrous mystery. Every time I am honored by the company of one, immediately I doubt myself. Even though I have one (a very nice one at that!) and have been lucky enough to have had many, many, many pussies presented to me, in one way or another throughout my adult life, its still daunting. Its still intimidating; it never ceases to be a challenge. It never ceases to be an unanswerable question and the answer to all questions combined. When I sit down at the sacred table, to devour the sumptuous feast laid out lovingly before me, I am in awe.
When it comes to cunt, there are a few very important truths. Every one is different. Every one has its own unique architecture, its own set of rules and regulations, its likes and dislikes. Nature has made it so that its true desire is hidden always, and for those who can unearth its secrets, the rewards are greater than can be imagined. Making a woman come, using your mouth and hands and, well frankly, everything you have in you, is truly an art form. I cant say I am a great artist, but I try. I fail. I succeed at times, and those times keep me going through all the mistakes and minor setbacks and getting-to-know-you embarrassments. Its a fantastic journey and sometimes, its a journey that leads to TMJ. Ow, my jaw.
My advice is simple. Pussy requires patience, persistence, passion. You cant assume what will work on one will work on another. Eating pussy is just a metaphor. Its a process that requires far more than just the act of consuming something. Its more like communion. It is communication with the divine, like prayer. You are giving back to the place where we all come from, the door to all life. So pay it forward.
I cant think of a better guide for your journey, a consummate expert, a gentle guide, the perfect matre d, the sumptuous sommelier, and the most gorgeous dining companion, Violet Blue. Bon apptit!
Margaret Cho
Introduction
When a lover goes down on me, anything can happen. From the first silky caress of a warm tongue on my clitoris to the crashing moment of orgasm as a hot mouth envelops my vulva, I have the possibilities of the world between my legs. The choices for how I want to enjoy cunnilingus are endless. I can be anyone, anywhere at all in my imagination: a woman arrested for speeding, bent over the hood of her caror even a man getting the filthiest blow job of his life. I can role-play with my lover as a ravished femme, a dominant mistress, or a naughty schoolgirl. I can be the one woman my partner desires the most, with their face deliciously pressed between my legs in an act of worship that I can enjoy as either sacred or profane. But whenever, however, wherever it happens, I know Im going to have a sexual experience that is at once tender and intimate, one that results in a powerful, focused orgasm.
It wasnt always like this. I spent more years than I care to admit silently lying back and waiting for my lover to tire of the effort, in a state of either agony or boredom. Sadly, sometimes this happened in relationships that lasted years. I would read erotic stories of women having earth-shattering orgasms from cunnilingus and think, Yeah, right. I would watch movies in which women gasped and shuddered and Id think, What actors. Sometimes it felt somewhat good, but just for a minute. I wondered if it would ever be possible for me to have orgasms from oral sex, let alone the kind of orgasms I had when I masturbated. Could I come with someone right there, up close to my vulva? I doubted that I would ever meet someone who would know how to make me come from cunnilingus. Boy, was I way off.
Now Im an award-winning author and well-known sex educator who teaches and volunteers for sex education programs and helplines. But that doesnt mean I somehow learned some sex voodoo that made me know how to pick the right lovers, or that I gleaned secret sex tricks (like those promised in womens magazines) and suddenlypoof! It works! This book explains that not only does cunnilingus not work like that, this book explains exactly how cunnilingus does work. For both giver and receiver. Its not complicated (unless you like it that way), but there are a few things you should know that will change sex for the betterespecially cunnilingus. They are things everyone interested in cunnilingus should know, but few people tell you about. More on that in a bit.
This book was an enormous undertaking. I read and reread everything about cunnilingus, scoured sex guidebooks and modern erotica, and shook the Internet until it rattled. In addition, I sent out multiple surveys, whose responses came from the United States, Europe, and Canada and covered the full spectrum of gender, sexual orientation, age, race, and ability. I gathered their comments, compiled my research, and married the results to a sex-positive, nonjudgmental approach to sexuality.
The people I surveyed have allowed me to quote them, and youll see their comments woven throughout these pages. A couple of women had interesting stories to tell, and I included those in my text, with names changed to protect the not-so-innocent. For them, and many others, this book brings a sigh of relief. Here, finally, is a refreshingly frank explanation of cunnilingus. Although there is a great deal available on the subject of sex, in the current sea of sex information, cunnilingus seems to often be shown in soft focus, such as in books that allude to yoni kisses. Others offer one-size-fits-all solutions in three easy stepsof course, these guides oversimplify womens sexuality. And sadly, many of these guides consider cunnilingus only an act of foreplay.
Why do sex books cover cunnilingus in only the clumsiest of ways? There are many answers. Number one, I think, is that we live in a pussy-phobic culture. Ladies, keep it covered up, douse it in perfume, cloak it in sterile white capris in sporty tampon commercialsand for crying out loud, dont talk about it. Another reason is that most sex guidebooks are written by staunchly heterosexual women. Nothing wrong with that, unless you want to know what its really like to lick pussy. I think the orientation of the author and the audience should never get in the way of the information. But the trouble is, the authors whove never done it just dont know what its like, and they tiptoe around their ignorance. The male authors are no better: in their guides, they often elevate cunnilingus to divinity status, obscuring it with tantric-this and New-Age-that, perhaps to hide the authors latent sexual shame. Dont they realize that the rest of us look at the Flying Bird Octopus Technique #57 and think, Huh ?
The final reason that guides glaze over cunnilingus is a lack of understanding about anatomy. Its not that they dont know what the body parts are called; its that they dont tell us what to do with those parts. Sure, maybe you can identify the clitoris, perineum, and anusand make up all the fruity names for techniques you wantbut how do these body parts respond to erotic stimulation? We need to retell the story of Female Genital Anatomy 101 from a pleasure perspective: we know where babies come out, but we have no idea how clits like to be licked or how labia prefer to be nibbled.
