Ted Bunch - The Book of Dares: 100 Ways for Boys to Be Kind, Bold, and Brave

Text copyright 2021 by A Call to Men

Cover art copyright 2021 by Jay Roeder

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Dear Boys,

The book you hold in your hands is magical. It will give you powers.

Well, okay, it wont teach you spells that can get you out of an upcoming test or that let you turn yourself into a hologram.But it can help you here and now to show you the greatest trick of all: how to break out of the Man Box.

Weve coined the term Man Box to describe the rules that our society expects boys to obey as they grow up and become real men. Youve probably heard people say things like Man up! and Boys dont cry and Dont act like a girl! These phrases are not only dangerous but insulting to the complexities of being a boy.

These messages tell you that its not okay to show emotions or be anything less than brave, strong, and confident all the time. But boys are human! Its not just okay to be vulnerable, scared, and sadits natural. And yet, the Man Box isnt about that. The Man Box stops you from being your true, authentic self by limiting what you think you can do. And that isnt cool.

Just as Houdini escaped from the belly of a whale, you can escape the Man Box. But unlike Houdini, you dont need to break free in under fifteen minutestheres no time limit here.

The Book of Dares is ongoing. You dont have to read it from cover to cover in your first sitting, or even in your second. You can pick it up over and over, whenever you want. And you definitely dont have to do the dares in orderyou can skip around to whichever ones sound most fun. The more dares you do, the more confident youll feel about who you truly are, what makes you special, and how to treat people around you with kindness and respect. It contains all the ingredients you need to make your real life the best life.

Weve spoken with thousands of boys like you around the world about the idea of dares. Unanimously, boys agree that dares are terrifying. Its impossible to know the outcome of a dareand scary to imagine a bad one. With every dare, theres potential for embarrassment, shame, and being laughed atin other words: judgment. Theres pressure, not only to go through with the dare, but to accept the challenge in the first place. Both are ways of showing youre tough or proving your manhood.

And yet boys told us that they still find dares appealing, that theyre fascinated with dare culture and the respect earned by completing dares. Not to mention that it feels a little bit like living on the edge.

Think about the last time you were dared to do something. How did it feel before and after? Were you afraid? Did it feel risky?

The dares in this book might feel risky, too, but theyre based on education from more than twenty years of experience weve had working with boys in middle and high schoolsas well as men in the National Football League, the National Basketball Association, Major League Baseball, Major League Soccer, the National Hockey League, the United States military, corporations, organizations, world leaders, and students in colleges and universities.

There are so many good things about being a boymore than we can mentionand you should be able to name them if someone asks you to. A boys strength isnt measured by his muscles or the outdated ideas that his dads and grandads generations followed. Strength and masculinity can be conveyed in countless waysintelligence, vulnerability, sensitivity, empathy, the bravery to ask for help and to seek forgiveness and to challenge problematic notions.

The dares in this book will allow you to understand what healthy manhood, authenticity, leadership, and gender equity are all about. Together, the dares presented here will give you the tools to develop healthy attitudes and behaviors that value yourself and others.

Remember: youre already a great kid, and were just here to support you in becoming the great est version of yourself. Thank you for daring to live and grow into a healthy manhood! (And, yes, you can absolutely count that as one dare youve already successfully completed.)

Ted and Anna Marie

DARE TO DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE EVEN IF ITS NOT SOMETHING BOYS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO

Once you stop attaching gender to activities and objects, a world of possibilities opens up to you. Want to plant a garden? See a musical? Write a poem? Go for it! Are you afraid that the guys would give you side eye and make fun of you if they knew you wanted to do these things? Show them that men everywhere grow food and flowers in gardens, especially chefs and cooks. Show them that men go to the theater and perform onstage. Show them that poetry is created by men like hip-hop artist Chance the Rapper and author Robert Frost, who wrote The Road Not Taken. Be like Frost and try a different path. Because thats being real. And being real means doing the things you love even if other people dont understand why you love them. Shutting down parts of yourself because youre afraid of how others might perceive you is unhealthy and prevents you from being your truest self.

Set out to do one thing you love that absolutely, positively brings you joy. Do it to inspire the people around you to be their authentic selves, too!

DARE TO INCLUDE GIRLS IN SPORTS

Think back to when you were younger. Did you play sports with girls, either just for fun or on an organized team? Maybe it was soccer or basketball on the playground. Why, do you think, do boys typically play sports only with other boys after a certain age?

Well, its because boys are taught to view girls as less athletic, talented, or aggressive than they are. Which could make you think girls are weak. That cant be truejust look at powerhouse female athletes like Serena Williams, Megan Rapinoe, Diana Taurasi, and Simone Biles.