Copyright 2018 by Bonnie J. Rough
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With care and clarity, Bonnie J. Rough breathes new life into our national non-conversation about sex. Taking her cues from other countries sensible approaches, she guides us gently towards a saner and healthier future.
Michael Kimmel, bestselling author of Manhood in America and Guyland
Filled with sweet, poignant, and laugh-out-loud stories, Beyond Birds and Bees is a most accessible and most informative book that will help parents and caring adults become more adept at talking to young people about healthy sexuality. Bonnie J. Rough offers practical advice, gentle encouragement, and is vulnerable enough to let us learn from her own failures and successes. If youre looking for a book that provides a heartfelt and common sense approach to raising sexually healthy children, youve found it!
Al Vernacchio, MSEd, author of For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens About Sexuality, Values, and Health
Bonnie J. Rough has written a brilliant book about sex, gender, justice, and joy, and its one that manages to be simultaneously sobering and buoyant. Her main ingredients for raising healthy kidswonder, humor, and trustconstitute a kind of inspirational worldview, applicable to all aspects of parenting certainly, but even beyond that, to life itself. Im so glad I read it.
Catherine Newman, author of Catastrophic Happiness and Waiting for Birdy
With humor, humility, and gentleness, Bonnie J. Rough takes us on her journey of discovery and leaves us somewhere surprising and wonderful. Along the way, her practical tips add up to a transformative rethinking of what it means to teach our children about sex. This is a book that can help everybody: parents who know what theyre doing, parents who worry they dont have a clue, and the rest of us, too, who never got the loving, tender teaching we deserved.
Lisa Wade, bestselling author of American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus
What a gift! Bonnie J. Rough offers a much-needed breath of fresh air in her wonderful new approach to discussing sex, love, and equality with our kids. Her smart, vigorously well-researched, and funny book is a great guide for families to read and discuss as their kids grow up.
Caroline Grant, Co-director, Sustainable Arts Foundation
Finally: a parenting book that abandons preachiness for a joyful and thoughtful inquiry into how we might guide our kids, and grow with them, as they become healthy, happy young adults. Bonnie J. Roughs experience in the Netherlands and her wide-ranging research offer an inspiring and practical alternative to help children (and their parents) become more comfortable in their own skins.
Sonya Huber, author of Pain Woman Takes Your Keys
Beyond Birds and Bees is a must-read for every parent. With humor and grace, Bonnie J. Rough invites readers to learn alongside her as she embarks on a journey to understand how we can create truly gender equal societies and raise happy and healthy children who celebrate their own bodies. I wish Id read this book when my daughters were little, but Im grateful for it now, because it is never too late to talk openly with our kids about sex, sexuality and our bodies. This book is validating, eye-opening and truly life-changing.
Kate Hopper, author of Use Your Words: A Writing Guide for Mothers and Ready for Air: A Journey Through Premature Motherhood
The conversation Rough starts about sexuality and gender equality in Beyond Birds & Bees is one we all need to be havingwith our partners, our kids, our kids teachers, our legislatorswell: everybody. Read it. Start talking.
Jill Christman, author of Darkroom: A Family Exposure and Borrowed Babies: Apprenticing for Motherhood
To my children
Let us fully realize that sex education is more than a collection of biological facts; it is a preparation for fine living. Boys and girls, and young men and young women, who have grown up with adequate knowledge of sex and its various implications are able to discuss it with self-assurance and sobriety and the saving grace of common sense. And through the extension of this same common sense they may achieve for themselves, for their children and for their fellow-men the good life for all.
Belle S. Mooney, MD
How Shall I Tell My Child? 1944
I was never likely to write a book about sex. I grew up Catholic in a middle-class American suburb where I babysat often, wrote long frilly nature poems, and always waited thirty minutes after eating before jumping into the pool. Despite commendable efforts by my parents and teachers, I was expecting a punctuation mark for my first period, and I thought my breast buds were tumors. By the time I rolled a condom onto a banana in my high school health class, I knew I wouldnt be repeating the exercise anytime soon. My parents had told me they waited until marriage to have sex, and judging by the slinky cat costume in my moms pajama drawer, their love life hadnt suffered. My inexperience didnt stop me from having boyfriends in high school, but my one earnest attempt at fellatio sent my beau into convulsions of laughter rather than throes of ecstasy. (Id been thinking corn on the cob, not popsicle.) Certainly nobody on the yearbook committee nominated me Dr. Ruths protg. Maybe more like her cat sitter. And that made me perfectly happy. But as I got older, my navet kept me from questioning the lopsided culture I cheerfully called my own.
I met my future husband in college, where it never crossed my mind to enroll in a womens studies class or to join in Take Back the Night marches. It failed to strike me as odd that he got to know my anatomy better than I did. As we signed our marriage license, I took his surname without a second thought. I rather liked that Dan took care of lawn mowing, gutter cleaning, and snow shoveling. I figured he was happy I oversaw flower gardens and everything kitchen-related. (We took turns brushing the cat.) Eventually we had a baby, and thats when the inequity of traditional gender roles began to sink in for me. You might think years of street harassment and condescension at work would have clued me in, but for a long time those dynamics hid in plain sight, too normal to notice. Yet how come, in a modern marriage of equals, Dan and I never discussed how having kids would affect my careeror how my default child care role as a mother meant becoming a father would