Debra Jay - It Takes a Family: Creating Lasting Sobriety, Togetherness, and Happiness

Second Edition

It Takes a Family

Creat Lasting Sobriety, Togetherness, and Happiness

Debray Jay, coauthor of Love First and creator of the Structured Family Recovery

Structured Family Recovery has been a gift from God for me. The process allows me to share in my recovery with my family, and it has really helped me understand the family disease of drug and alcohol abuse. The biggest lie I told myself as an addict was that I was only hurting myself. The SFR process has taught me that this is a lie and has been instrumental in the healing process between me and my family.

J. F., recovering from alcohol and drug addiction

Structured Family Recovery helped me save my life. After confronting years of addiction, twelve difficult weeks in treatment, and the prospect of starting over entirely, SFR became an anchor to a loving, nonjudgmental group of friends and family. I am in a place where I feel joy unlike Ive ever experienced, and my relationships with my parents, extended family, and life partner have deepened in ways I couldnt have imagined. SFR has been the perfect complement to my Twelve Step recovery journey, and it introduced and strengthened a connection with my family that most addicts I know dont have. I am so grateful for the opportunity to build my SFR identity, and I look forward to carrying the SFR program and message to the addict that still suffers.

D. C., beloved recovering son

I found the family recovery calls to be very worthwhile. They were particularly challenging as they included my ex-wife as well as my two beloved sons, since I am not on good terms with my ex-wife. This made having an expert who moderated the calls critical to our success. As a show of support for my son, I entered the Twelve Step program. This program has been very beneficial to me as it helped me to reconnect to my faith, which had been dormant. It also forced me to fashion an action plan, which I regularly consult and work on. As a result, I believe I have improved several of my weaknesses. Both sons have said that one of the best results of the SFR meetings has been the four of us coming togethersomething that didnt happen before the calls. For me, the best result is having a weekly window into my sons emotional liveshow they are really feeling. Prior to this, our family rarely shared our emotions. I feel closer to my sons as a result and look forward to our conversations. I enthusiastically recommend Debra Jays program.

W. M., father of a beloved recovering son

Structured Family Recovery allowed me to bridge the gap between my recovery and my familys recovery. This process is unparalleled by any type of therapy I have been part of since my journey began in 2016. It has allowed me time to process sensitive topics in my own Twelve Step meeting with the ability to bring insight gained back to my family in a safe and structured environment. SFR taught me to stay in my own lane of recovery, but if I look over, I will see family traveling down the same road, and that is a priceless gift of recovery.

L. S., wife of a beloved recovering husband

Thank you, Debra Jay, for helping our family to find a clear path forward out of sadness and despair. Our family is working our way through your book for a second time and finding new wisdom and support on each page. We could have so easily fallen apart. And yet, with the help of the Twelve Steps and our wise and patient SFR counselor, this program has given us an opportunity to reflect, learn, and stay connected and supportive of each other.

L. S. H., father-in-law of a beloved recovering son-in-law

The Structured Family Recovery program was a call to action for our family of four at a critical time. We had been impacted by two life-changing events: the marital separation of my husband and I, closely followed by our youngest sons thirty-day stay in rehab. Weekly SFR teleconference sessions brought our geographically distanced family together with a trained SFR counselor to help us focus on a path forward. Wary at first, each of us soon became committed to recovery, both for ourselves and for our family unit. Over time we noticed we communicated better due to the common language that a Twelve Step program offers. With our newly acquired knowledge, tools and practices, we have increased confidence as we approach the future and what it brings.

J. W., mother of beloved recovering son

Our family was reeling. Our son was lost in addiction, with all of the attendant secrecy, lies, erratic behavior, and health issues that can accompany the disease. As parents, we alternated between denial and ineffective overreaction, guilt and excuse-making. We were all in great pain, spinning out of control until we immersed ourselves into Structured Family Recovery. Our son is now five years sober because he, and we, committed to the program. It wasnt easy, but the journey has transformed us all in unimaginable ways. Grateful and blessed cant begin to express how all of us feel!

A. R. and G. R., parents of a beloved recovering son

The Structured Family Recovery program saved our familynot just the addict but our entire family. It guided us to open and honest communication and taught us how to love and trust again while helping us realize our inner strengths and how to use them. We are forever indebted to Debra Jay and her commitment to families and her dedication to helping us find our way back to each other. What we created through SFR is a long-term, ongoing fellowship and commitment to maintaining recovery.

D. C. and M. C., parents of a beloved recovering adult child

I remember being so afraid initially of the SFR phone dialogue, but very quickly that feeling was replaced with an eager anticipation of each meeting. It is such a well-thought-out and thorough program. The topic each week and the goal setting helped us keep focus on the importance of continually working this program. And the collaboration with all of the family members was such an integral component in the commitment and perseverance that we used to motivate ourselves each day.

A true benefit, and one that we believe would never have happened if not for SFR, was the vast array of topics discussed openly and thoughtfully by my adult children with us. We were privileged to hear deep thoughts, desires, and goals of our family. The discussions were intimate and mainly about each of us as individuals. We came away from this past year of SFR with skills and confidence to handle the crises that may come to our lives. And I happily can say that our son is in recovery and maintaining his sobriety. Structured Family Recovery is a tool to build families into stronger units and guide families on what to expect and how to respond to our person who is afflicted. It is a wonderful program that has helped us immensely.

D. F. and S. F., parents of a beloved recovering son

The Structured Family Recovery program has offered me and my dear family the time, focus, and unfailingly positive support to have meaningful conversations. Addiction brought me to this program, but the healing of old wounds and the progress toward building even better family relationships has helped me to look forward to every SFR session.

K. H., mother-in-law of a beloved recovering son-in-law

I remember the exact moment in time when I read the opening pages to Debra Jays It Takes a Family, and I began to feel the slightest dawn of hope emerge in my soul. I was sitting on a bed in a hotel room in a city far away from my own and fully believing that my life was over. My spouse was in an inpatient rehab facility, and I was visiting him. I opened the pages, and I couldnt believe that someone had dedicated her entire career to helping strangers like me. I was overwhelmed at the guidebook in my handit was a flashlight in the dark. During our recovery journey, our SFR counselor was the first person to treat us like a family full of love rather than a broken family.