Andrea McLean - Confessions of a Menopausal Woman: Everything you wish your friends had told you but didn’t dare

The authors own personal account, experience and view of the menopause should not be relied upon as medical advice. The medical information provided by Dr Tina Peers has been compiled by way of general guidance. It is not a substitute and not to be relied on for medical, healthcare, pharmaceutical or other professional advice on specific circumstances. Please consult with your GP or a qualified health professional on specific health and dietary needs, and do not change, stop or start any treatment or medication without obtaining their advice. If you have a medical condition, please check in with your doctor before trying out any of the authors exercise tips. The author and publishers disclaim, as far as the law allows, any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use, or misuse, of the information in this book, or from any specific health needs that require medical supervision.

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First published in Great Britain in 2018 by Bantam Press

an imprint of Transworld Publishers

Copyright Andrea McLean 2018

Photography by Nicky Johnston

Calligraphy by Carol Kemp

Andrea McLean has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

Every effort has been made to obtain the necessary permissions with reference to copyright material, both illustrative and quoted. We apologize for any omissions in this respect and will be pleased to make the appropriate acknowledgements in any future edition.

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Version 1.0 Epub ISBN 9781473558632

ISBN 9780593080269

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To menopausal women everywhere.
Its OK. Weve got this.

Dear reader,

This is the book I wish Id had when I started my menopause, and the one I hope will help you through yours

It all began with a thirty-second mention on TV that I was going to be off work for a while, recovering from a hysterectomy. In the space of just two days, ten thousand messages came through from viewers, asking to be kept updated; begging for advice, comfort, and for me to share my experience.

I was overwhelmed Over the following weeks, the questions continued to fly in thick and fast, all of them from women desperate for help and support. They wanted to know why Id needed the hysterectomy, and what the operation had been like, because they were about to have one as well and were scared. Other women were telling me they were in exactly the same situation as me: at home recovering, and feeling overwhelmed by the changes that were happening to their mind and body, the fear of the unknown taking them on a downward spiral of worry and anxiety.

It was clear to me that a huge proportion of the female population in the UK was living in fear and confusion. There was no one for them to talk to about their experience, and no one was helping them.

Take away the word menopause and just look at the symptoms women experience during this time: night sweats, joint and muscle pain, memory loss, depression, fatigue, lethargy, loss of libido. How can anyone be expected to carry on a normal life while living in such physical and mental discomfort without support? Its insane when you consider that half the population of the whole world will go through this phase of life and be expected to keep a stiff upper lip, not mention anything and simply get on with it. Not talking about things can make us worry that were the only ones feeling the way we do and that just makes us feel worse, and even more afraid.

There are pages of information on the internet telling us what to expect physically during the menopause, and what to look out for mentally, but when I started on this journey six years ago there wasnt a book that shared with me how it felt, first hand, from someone I knew and trusted. There are some wonderful online forums and sites dedicated to women and their changing needs, but at the time when I personally needed comfort and information, none spoke to me in a voice I liked. Some were frightening and hysterical, if Im honest, and gave my inner what if ? voice a megaphone to shout at me with, which didnt do much to calm the anxious thoughts zooming around inside my head.

When I went back to work and talked about it on Loose Women, the papers picked up on the story and Woman Has Menopause seemed to be, if youll excuse the pun, pretty hot news. I didnt set out to become the poster girl for all this. It happened by default, because I realized that there wasnt any point pretending that I hadnt had a hysterectomy or wasnt going through the menopause, and I could see by the response I was getting how much of a relief women were finding it that someone was talking about the subject. So, I figured I might as well embrace the conversation that was opening up, and push my experience out there, because some of the information women are being given is scary and headline-grabbing and it really doesnt have to be.

I faced up to the fact that a big part of me was afraid to talk about what I was going through for the same reason that other women in the public eye now confide in me at parties that they too have had hysterectomies, that they too are experiencing the change: they dont want anyone to know in case theyre seen as being old. These women ask me for advice while swearing me to secrecy at the same time, because they dont want the industry to think that theyre now past it, and are terrified that theyll be replaced by someone younger and fresher.

Is this because those in positions of power in the entertainment industry truly believe that women over a certain age arent relevant to viewers at home? Who exactly do they think is at home? While I appreciate that entertainment needs to be aspirational at a certain level watching other humans do things that were impressed by (singing, dancing, juggling, answering tricky quiz questions or scaring the life out of politicians, whatever floats your boat ) why does this have a cut-off point for women once they reach a certain age? Why do we have such a culture of youth-centric aspiration?

Ive had so many people from all walks of life stop me and thank me for being open about the menopause, for making them feel that they arent the only ones going through it. Originally, I wasnt going to speak about it publicly because I didnt want to be seen as being old either. I still dont! However, I looked at things again and I shifted my perspective. I saw that this isnt about age the menopause can happen as early as during your thirties and, my God, if youre old then, what hope does any of us (men included) have!

This whole issue is about women experiencing a life change and being too afraid to ask for help or talk to anyone about it. They want to continue to be seen by the rest of the world whether thats their workplace or family or friends as the same vibrant, relevant person theyve always been. And its pretty difficult to feel that way when it seems as if your body is falling apart and your brain has gone for a walk and cant find its way back again.