Kathi Lipp - The Mom Project: 21 Days to a More Connected Family

Great thanks go to Erin MacPherson, who kept this book going even when I was not. You are so talented, and I am so grateful.

Thanks to Cheri Gregory for sharing your insight into the personalities with all of us who are trying to parent those kids who are just like us, and nothing like us.

Thanks to all the parents who shared their stories. You made this a much better book.

Thanks to Amanda, Jeremy, Justen, and Kimber. I know you will be able to use these stories with your therapist someday.

So many thanks go to my team: Angela, Sherri, Brooke, Mikkee, Jen, Lynette, Christina, and Kimberly. Thanks for keeping this dog and pony show going, and for loving God and loving families, and serving both.

Thanks go to Rachelle Gardner and to LaRae Weikert, Rod Morris, and the rest of the Harvest House team. No one need remind me that God put me in the best hands in publishing.

Thanks to our familiesthe Richersons, the Lipps, and the Dobsonsfor giving us the best stories.

And finally to Roger. Two single parents. Blending a family. Of four teenagers. If surviving that is not proof of what an amazing godly man you are, nothing is. You rock my world.

1. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or other local charity in your area.

2. Color pictures together.

3. Do an art or craft project.

4. Take a kickboxing class.

5. Bake cupcakes or cookies and then decorate.

6. Download a free e-book and read it together.

7. Play dress-up.

8. Go on a nature walk.

9. Make homemade play dough.

10. Cook a meal together.

11. Play a sport together (kickball, hoops, softball, soccer).

12. Play Scrabble or another board game.

13. Read stories about heroes and heroines in the Bible.

14. Sing at the top of your lungs to the radio.

15. Make cards for family and friends.

16. Make paper bag puppets.

17. Have a dance party/contest.

18. Write them a note telling them how much you love them and are proud of them.

19. Make a macaroni necklace.

20. Look at photo albums.

21. Go garage sale-ing.

22. Go to a museum.

23. Have a tea party for stuffed animals and/or play figures.

24. Make a book using pictures from magazines.

25. Stack pillows/cushions to make a fort.

26. Plant a garden.

27. Take funny pictures of each other laughing and playing around.

28. Have a picnic.

29. Make your own banana splits with toppings and sprinkles.

30. Download a new iPad app and play together.

31. Go listen to live music.

32. Give a backrub.

33. Write letters to soldiers.

34. Go camping (even if just in the backyard).

35. Make homemade bubbles.

36. Go on a bike ride.

37. Build something with blocks or Legos.

38. Play minigolf.

39. Create an iSpy mission together.

40. Make popcorn and watch movie of their choosing.

41. Go bowling.

42. Play flashlight tag.

43. Go on a scavenger hunt.

44. Learn a magic trick.

45. Start a collection.

46. Make a video of them performing an awesome stunt.

47. Watch funny YouTube videos.

48. Create a secret family code.

49. Make slime with Elmers glue, borax, and water.

50. Search for insects with a magnifying glass.

H eres a newsflash: Not every family has a white picket fence and 2.4 kids and a fuzzy golden retriever named Molly. And when youre trying to connect with stepkids or manage life as a single mom or survive one of the inevitable Id rather connect with Snooki than my mom phases, things can get a bit sticky (and Im not talking about the kind of sticky that comes with connecting over a pan of my famous caramel pecan rolls).

I get that. I have a blended family. I get what its like to coparent and single parent and blended parent and even parent behind a white picket fence. And because of that, I made sure to include tips and suggestions for all types of families in every chapter of this book.

But I still felt like something was missing. And the last thing I wanted to do was leave you with sticky fingers (and no wet wipes) before you started connecting with your kids. So, I asked a few of my smart, savvy friends to help me write this handy FAQs guide full of tips, suggestions, and ideas for parents who want to connect with their kids regardless of their family situation.

FAQs About Connecting with Your Kids When Co-parenting

Answered by Gretchen Schiller

Question: Im divorced, and if Im being honest, Im not a huge fan of my ex. I dont want my interactions with my kids to be poisoned by negativity, but thats how I feel most of the time. What can I do?

First things firstchange the frame. I found this simple technique helped soften my heart tremendously toward my ex-husband. I started viewing my ex solely as my daughters dad. Granted, this is not always feasible (or realistic) in every interaction. However, I found it helpful for simple day-to-day interactions.

So, when he would come to pick up our daughter, I would greet him as if he were a parent picking up his child after a play date. (Even if you have unfinished business on the table, in front of your child is not the place to discuss it or act visibly irritated.) I would open my front door, greet him with a smile, and welcome him into my home. (Important to note: Whether or not he comes in is completely up to him. If he declines, it does not affect you emotionally any more than any other parent declining.) I would continue giving him a detailed report of how his child was during the time she spent at my house.

Heres a trick that seems to work: visualize yourself at your childs school play. Imagine that you see your ex-husband there. Now visualize seeing him as if he were simply one of the other parents in the crowd. Again, this isnt always feasible nor is it always realistic; but I found it helpful in day-to-day interactions.

Question: Every time my kids do something with my ex, I sit at home seething, feeling sulky, lonely, andworst of alljealous. How do I encourage them to connect with their dad in spite of my feelings?

My ex-husband and I divorced two years ago when our daughter was three years old. Im challenged daily with the choice to bloom in my role as a mother by encouraging the relationship between my daughter and her father or deny them time together, succumbing to the very demons that ruined my marriage. Hmmmstrengthen their father-daughter bond or allow toxic poison from the divorce to seep into her life?

Were moms. Therefore warriors. We fight for the emotional health of our children. Our mantra? The 4Ps: Positive Proactive co-Parenting with a whole lotta Patience.

Every sacrifice softens my heart, and I grow as a mother and ex-wife. My co-parenting relationship with my ex is constantly evolving. I work hard to nurture the relationship between him and our daughter. After all, we are still a family, just two different homes. And frankly, who wants to be angry at someone they have to speak with daily for the rest of their lives?

Ive been facedown, sobbing, doubled over in pain trying to co-parent well. It will happen again to meand to you. We should stay down as long as it takes to heal. Hope is always beside us, ready to move forward when we are. Were fighting to give our children the life they deserve. We grasp hope and start walkingit doesnt matter how slowlytoward restoring grace in our hearts, kindness in our words, and love between our child and our ex-husband.

There were thousands of small decisions I made to screw up my marriage. I am proud when I make one of the thousands of decisions to get the friendship right. Each success is a win for my daughters future. A win for God.

By the way, that hope we talked about? Thats Jesus.

FAQs About Connecting with Your Kids in a Blended Family