Shrein H. Bahrami MFT - The Loneliness Companion: A Practical Guide for Improving Your Self-Esteem and Finding Comfort in Yourself

Copyright 2019 by Rockridge Press, Emeryville, California

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courtesy of Tory Putnam

ISBN: Print 978-1-64152-702-6 eBook 978-1-64152-703-3

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I DEDICATE THIS BOOK TO MY SISTERS, RAQUEL, ROYA, NASREIN, AND MINA, MY GREATEST BALMS TO LONELINESS.

CONTENTS

A s I began to tell family, friends, and colleagues my plan to write a book on loneliness, time and again I was surprised by their responses. Instead of discomfort or deflection, they showed genuine interest in the topic, often opening up about their own experiences. Even strangers I chatted with as I sat writing in coffee shops remarked how important they felt this issue is and pondered why people seem more isolated from each other than ever before. Many pointed to the shift our society has made from one once focused on community and family to one that prizes independence and individualism. Consequently, relationships feel more fleeting and superficial as work and external markers of success take precedent. Others wondered about the impact of social media and whether or not it has actually improved our ability to connect. These questions and observations inspired me to continue my research and understanding of our relationship with loneliness and how to heal it.

As a psychotherapist, I have the unique opportunity of being invited into my clients personal journeys as they seek to heal the parts of themselves that are in pain and yearn for something different. Often, the most challenging work has been in making changes in their relationships, whether it be with family, friends, colleagues, or intimate partners.

When faced with so many elements out of our control because another persons needs, wants, and opinions are involved, we understandably want to give up or surrender to the status quo. Yet the key to change rests within you and your ability to choose your perspective. Particularly in intimate relationships, whether you are recovering after a breakup, surviving the highs and lows of dating, or weathering the storms of a long-term relationship, the way in which you navigate your experiences significantly impacts your level of loneliness. Each persons life is unique, yet many of our challenges are universal. We often suffer silently, believing we are the only ones going through it. The lens through which we view our lives and judge our current experiences is largely influenced by the past, making it difficult to see things in a different way and get unstuck from patterns that no longer serve us.

After a decade of clinical work and training, my approach is composed of techniques from several evidence-based treatment models that address the mind, body, and spirit, resulting in lasting change. In my sessions with clients, I support them in applying these tools to their own challenges and have witnessed powerful, life-changing outcomes.

My hope is that you find this book to be a comprehensive, yet approachable guide to addressing your loneliness and improving your sense of connection with others. Each chapter will explore a facet of loneliness, from the causes and impact on your health to how you can lessen its grip on your life and enjoy moments of solitude. I have included multiple exercises within each chapter to help you practice and apply the tools to your life right now. I recommend using a journal while you make your way through this book, as there will be writing prompts for reflection on your own experiences. Lastly, peppered throughout each chapter are stories of my own clients journeys while addressing their challenges with connection. My intention for including these stories is to help you feel less alone as you make this journey and to be a source of hope that change is possible.

I am so glad you have chosen to take this step in addressing your loneliness. I understand how difficult it may have been just to acknowledge a desire to make a change in this area of your life. Yet nearly every important change we make in our lives begins with resistance. I am certain that if you continue reading and push through the internal barriers, you will come away with a greater understanding of why your struggle with loneliness exists, why it isnt your fault, and how to go about creating the types of relationships you desire as you move forward.

Were born alone, live alone, and die alone. Only through love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that were not alone.