Elizabeth Carroll - Marriage boot camp: defeat the top ten marriage killers and build a rock-solid relationship

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Copyright The Marriage Boot Camp, Inc., and WE tv LLC, 2016

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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGIN G-IN-PUBLICATION DAT A:

Carroll, Elizabeth, 1956

Marriage boot camp: defeat the top ten marriage killers and build a rock-solid relationship/Elizabeth and James Carroll.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-451-47677-7 (paperback)

ISBN 978-0-698-40659-9 (ebook)

1. Marriage. 2. Marital quality. 3. Married peoplePsychology. 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Interpersonal conflict. I. Carroll, James, 1954 II. Title.

HQ734.C3235 2015

306.81dc23 2015011862

Designed by Pauline Neuwirth

PUBLISHERS NOTE

Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

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To all the people who serve and volunteer their time and talent to make the original Marriage Boot Camp come to life each and every month.

To our Dallas directorsDavid and Lisa Bishop, Dana Hamman, Art Stone, Jeff and Tamara Hamner, and Ilsa Normanwho have faithfully served the Marriage Boot Camp for decades.

To our Houston and Atlanta directorsCliff and Jeani Poe, Todd and Teresa Hicks, and Angie and Tony Craftwho each share our passion for creating healthy, happy marriages.

To our amazing production team at Thinkfactory Media, headed by Adam Freeman, who have taken our original Marriage Boot Camp ministry and brought it to life for the TV audience.

To our WE tv partnersSuzanne Murch, Lauren Gellert, Marc Juris, and their teamsfor believing in the vision of Marriage Boot Camp.

INTRODUCTION

WELCOME TO MARRIAGE BOOT CAMP!

H AVE YOU BEEN A fan of the Marriage Boot Camp television series on WE tv? Some of you may have seen every season; the first two seasons consisted of participants from the infamous Bridezillas television show, followed by several seasons of reality stars from various television shows and genres. Weve found that putting a mix of all different varieties of couples together in a boot-camp environment is helpful; not only will couples see the snarls and tangles in their own marriages, but seeing the struggles of other couples helps them in their own lives.

While these men and women come from varied socioeconomic backgrounds, educations, and places, they all came into the Marriage Boot Camp program struggling with equally daunting marital problems.

Our Bridezillas were really fascinating. We repeatedly heard from fans of the show that nobody was surprised to find those women having trouble in their relationships; it was what they expected after watching how they behaved toward their future spouses during their wedding planning and on the big day.

But through Marriage Boot Camp, we saw what was behind the tantrums portrayed on their shows and how in some cases, their future spouses had a lot to do with triggering their behavior. We saw the pain couples suffer when one or both of them are dishonest and hiding things. All of them finished our program more aware of their spouses needs and more understanding of the kind of respect and trust a marriage requires. Some of these women were less Bridezilla divas and more legitimately concerned wives. Really, in todays world, if you cannot allow your spouse to look at your cell phone, there are much deeper trust issues that need serious consideration.

What many viewers dont know is that Marriage Boot Camp existed long before the television show first aired in May of 2013. We created Marriage Boot Camp workshops and counseling seminars almost twelve years before we began appearing on television to share our approach to strengthening a marriage. To date more than ten thousand couples have participated in our workshops, and we commissioned a two-year study in 2001 that demonstrated exactly how successful the Marriage Boot Camp protocol is.

Statistically, traditional marriage counseling works only twenty percent of the time. Our study proved that eighty percent of the couples who used Marriage Boot Camp for relationship counseling went on to have happy and successful marriages. Theres nothing else like itno other therapy program can claim a success rate that high.

Why is Marriage Boot Camp so successful? Because it forces struggling couples to step back and reevaluate everything, which includes looking in the mirror at their own issues. We often say that we have to take the marriage apart and look at every component to get to the root of the problem so we can build the marriage back up and give it a chance to work. Our program forces both spouses to not only hear and learn more about the needs and desires and fears of their partners, but we also put them in situations where they actually experience what their spouse is feeling for themselves.

HOW WILL THIS BOOK WORK FOR YOU?

Youve picked up this book because youre struggling in your own relationship and youre wondering if reading this will help. Or youre a massive fan of the show, in which case youll also enjoy reading about the process and gaining more understanding about what youre seeing on television. The original Marriage Boot Camp seminar program tools are what youre seeing on WE tvs reality show, but the show gives us the ability to more graphically and vividly let the campers experience certain aspects of drills that couldnt be executed in a classroom. The book breaks the program down into the steps we use to get these couples from a dark place to an enlightened understanding of each others needs and wants. And eighty percent of the time, its been proven to work to save a relationship in distress.

The foundation for this book comes from the Marriage Boot Camp seminar series and WE tvs reality television show. Weve taken many of the games, drills, and exercises we teach and put them in a readable, functional format to bring you an experience of healing that you can do at home. The chapters contain some guided visualizations that drop the reader into the world of the imagination to consider life from a different perspective. Stories and anecdotes from those who have already gone through the Marriage Boot Camp will illustrate how others have applied our teachings to their own lives. Then we give you several exercises that apply topic-specific activities to your life. By the time youve finished the book, you will have tools for living life and experiencing relationships more fully and more effectively. While there are many things that can negatively impact your marriage, after close to twenty years of shepherding spouses toward their own happily ever after, we have boiled this book down to the top-ten marriage killers: communication problems, sex problems, money disagreements, battling over chores, personality differences, parenting challenges, cheating, inability to resolve conflict, refusing to let go of the past, and issues surrounding the need for forgiveness.