Linda Mintle - We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigate Conflict

We Need to Talk

We need to talk...

Uh -oh, somethings wrong.

Im in trouble.

Oh no , not again.

What did I do this time?

This is going to be a long night!

Here we go again .

Its amazing how these four short words can stop a conversation and grip us with momentary anxiety. Lets be honest, these words usually mean something is wrong and we are about to go into the world of feelings, a place not everyone likes to visit. If you are smart, you wont begin a conversation with these four words. The phrase We need to talk puts most of us on the defensive.

We need to talk takes time and energy. It can be exhausting and doesnt always end with a quick fix. But the idea behind We need to talk is important to making our relationships work. Its our cue that something needs to be addressed.

How do you respond to these four words? Do you embrace the idea or run for the hills? One reason this phrase makes our hearts skip a beat is because so many of us are uncomfortable working through relationship conflicts. For whatever reasons, we dont have the confidence that we can face conflict without causing more problems. And we dont like the way conflict makes us feel.

The opportunity for conflict exists moment by moment in many different forms. Think about the number of times a day we are faced with conflict. The daily news is filled with international conflictsgroups that cant get along, wars, fighting over resources, and more.

Workplace conflict is so common that consultants and special teams are often brought in to help with team building and conflict resolution. Seminars are offered to build emotional EQ, discover job fit, and understand organizational culture. Mediators work with teams to help them get along and be more productive.

Social conflict is embedded in ideologies, habits of other people, and cultures. It usually involves a struggle for power and is chronicled in stories like John Steinbecks The Grapes of Wrath , the story of the hardship and oppression of migrant workers during the Great Depression, or Ralph Ellisons Invisible Man that takes on the segregated American South of the early part of the twentieth century and documents the struggles of being black and American.

There are physical conflicts like man against the great whale in Melvilles Moby Dick or man struggling for survival in Daniel Defoes Robinson Crusoe . In recent years, conflicts over aid distribution to survivors of hurricanes, earthquakes, and other natural disasters make global news.

Spiritual conflicts are less acknowledged but are real and related to disobedience and rebellion against God. Darkness may oppress the mind. Spiritual strongholds of ignorance, prejudice, lust, false argument, conceit, etc., may take hold.

Conflict can arise within a person as they battle personal demons like addictions and mental illness. Or it can emerge when a person acts in a manner not consistent with their beliefs, like the woman who lives with her boyfriend and believes this is morally wrong or the man who cheats on his taxes and knows this violates the law and his conscience.

Conflict is woven into our daily lives. It shows up oftenin political arguments, disagreements with co-workers, fights with siblings, and marital bickering. Its consequences can bring the end of a marriage, friction between friends, or the loss of a job. Thus, this ever-present conflict can keep us stuck or it can provide growth in our relationships. To deal with conflict, we do need to talk.