Speed B. Leas - Discover Your Conflict Management Style

For a number of years, I used a variety of instruments for assessing an individuals usual or preferred conflict styles. None of these was fully satisfactory. So, drawing on the learning and the concepts from those who have gone before me, I developed another tool for helping people look at their conflict behavior.

I am indebted to the writers of two conflict instruments that I have used extensively and from which I have drawn many of the ideas that are contained herein:

Conflict Management Survey, by Jay Hall, published by Teleometrics Intl., P.O. Box 314, The Woodlands, TX 77380.

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann, published by XICOM, Sterling Forest, Tuxedo, NY 10987.

You want to gain insights into your conflict management style? I suggest you fill out the Conflict Inventory at the back of this book.

This instrument has been developed to meet two objectives, to help people:

• become aware of the range of appropriate conflict strategies available to them and when each is appropriate to use;
• become aware of their own preferred styles and reflect on other possible styles they might choose to use more frequently.

This questionnaire is not meant to be a personality inventory that can be relied on to probe the inner workings of a persons mind or emotions. A persons conflict style changes dramatically from situation to situation. Someones behavior will change depending on whom they are arguing with, what the stakes are, and the norms of the situation. (Yelling is okay at a baseball game, but not in a board meeting.) So it is not recommended that one assume that ones style is likely to be the same at home, at work, and in a community organization.

Nor do I make any claims about this inventory being scientifically valid. It is meant only to help the user develop some language to talk about conflict and to reflect on how it can be managed.

This inventory can profitably be used in a number of settings. It can be taken alone, without reference to or conversation with other people. After filling out the form, a person can fill out the score sheet on page 43 and then read the interpretation of the scores without talking with anyone else. It can also be used in conjunction with couples or groups. Asking each person in the relationship or group to fill out the instrument in his or her copy of this publication and then sharing personal scores with each other can be enlightening in terms of improved understanding of the relationship. Some people in very small groups have filled out the instrument reflecting on their own behavior, and then filled out a separate form reflecting on the behavior of their teammates. This can be particularly helpful in giving and receiving feedback on your conflict behaviors.

Discover Your Conflict Management Style was developed primarily for use in churches and synagogues to help members gain insight and skill in dealing with conflicts before they become overly difficult or nasty. You can use this instrument to help members of a congregation or a board become more comfortable with differences and to encourage open and confident sharing of differences and concerns with one another.

A word of caution before you begin: It is not recommended that you attempt to use this instrument in groups or within relationships that are seriously troubled. For the learning to be meaningful, those using this inventory should have some trust between or among them and not be likely to use the gathered insights about someone as a means of further attack and belittling.

Go ahead. Read the following instrument instructions. Answer the questions (see page 35) and figure your score. Do not read the scoring sheets or proceed to the following interpretive text until you have completed the Conflict Inventory.

Instructions

As you answer the questions on the inventory, think of yourself in a particular conflict setting, by this I mean a setting in which you are sometimes or often in conflict. Do not attempt to think of yourself in general or in a variety of settings, but in one particular environment. A setting is an environment, organization, or relationship that has significance for you as distinct from other settings or relationships. For example, a setting might be your relationship with your spouse as distinct from your relationship with your children; it might be your relationships with your co-workers or with your boss; it might be your relationships in your church or synagogue, or on a particular community board.

I have found people get different scores as they think of themselves in each setting. So, if you want to reflect on your conflict behavior at work, and you have filled out this instrument using your understanding of yourself at home, youll need to answer the questions a second time to explore your behavior in the work environment.

It is not a good idea to choose answers based on one particular conflict that may have occurred in your chosen setting. Rather, think in terms of several conflicts that may have occurred in that setting. Also, do not choose the worst conflicts you have experienced in this setting. Try to reflect on yourself in the usual and regular situations that you get into, not those that have been particularly tough or easy. On another occasion, you can fill the inventory out on a particularly difficult or easy conflict.

For each question give an answer that reflects, as close as it can, how you usually respond in this conflict setting. Each question contains a pair of statements describing possible behavior responses. For each pair, circle the A or B statement that is most characteristic of your own behavior. In many cases neither A nor B may be very typical of your behavior; even so, please select the response you would be more likely to make. If you skip questions, the scoring will not be meaningful.

After you have completed and scored the instrument, return to the body of this booklet for explanatory insights that will help you become more effective in various conflict situations.

Note: Do not read until you have completed the Conflict Inventory (see page 35).

This instrument identifies six different styles for managing differences: Persuading, Compelling, Avoiding/Accommodating, Collaborating, Negotiating, and Supporting. Each can be an appropriate style, and none should be thought of as bad or inferior. A certain style can cause a problem when it is used inappropriately, but one should not assume that Avoiding is always wrong or that all conflicts must be confronted. Nor should one assume that Compelling is always inappropriate or that one should make an effort in every situation to collaborate or persuade. In fact, the styles that have been recently touted as always appropriate can be harmful when they are used in contexts that call for other strategies. (For example, using collaborative strategies is inappropriate in situations where people will take advantage of naive people who may become inappropriately vulnerable. Collaboration is also inappropriate when both sides will not or cannot share all information.)

On each scale in this instrument, it is possible for you to score from 0 to 15. The lower your score, the less likely you are to choose this particular strategy or style; the higher your score, the more likely you are to use this style.

The style on which you received the highest score indicates the style with which you feel most comfortable in your chosen setting. The lowest score names the style with which you are least comfortable in this setting. The theory of the inventory is that you are likely to behave more in the modes of your high scores and less in the modes of your low scores.