Catherine DePino - How to Ask for and Get What You Want: Commonsense Tips That Work

How to Ask for and Get What You Want

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York London

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: DePino, Catherine, author.

Title: How to ask for and get what you want : commonsense tips that work / Catherine DePino.

Description: Lanham : Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, 2020. | Includes bibliographical references. | Summary: This book that employs mindfulness principles to address how to ask and receive in different situations, such as dealing with partners, children, and businessesProvided by publisher.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020003693 (print) | LCCN 2020003694 (ebook) | ISBN 9781475857191 (cloth) | ISBN 9781475857207 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Mindfulness (Psychology) | Negotiation. | Self-help techniques.

Classification: LCC BF637.M56 D47 2020 (print) | LCC BF637.M56 (ebook) | DDC 158.2dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020003693

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020003694

TM The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information Sciences Permanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

For my grandson, Cole Andrew: You light up our lives with your winning ways and magical smile. May you always find joy in every day. Love, Nonna

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Matthew 7:7, from the New International Version of the Bible

Id like to thank Carlie Wall, managing editor, for her competence and kindness, and Dr. Tom Koerner, vice president and editorial director, for his support and encouragement. I am grateful to Catherine Herman, an exemplary editorial assistant in production, for her expertise, willingness to help, and caring ways. I appreciate my daughter Shayna DePino Kudgiss expertise as a school counselor for the books education section. Thanks to my husband, Dr. Andrew DePino, who served on the local school board, for information in the education section about school boards.

How to Use This Book

Weve all experienced frustration asking for and getting what we want. It plays out regularly with our partners, kids, employers, and businesses we patronize. Sometimes we dont bother to ask for what we want, even when its perfectly reasonable, thinking it will create hard feelings or spark an argument. Often, its because we dont think we can succeed in getting what we want. But nothing could be further from the truth.

This book will help you learn how to ask for what you want and get good results. It teaches you how to stay in the game by using the right words. It also shows you how to build rapport by using positive body language. The more you know about what makes people operate as they do, the better chance you have of helping them see things your way.

Ive based the material in this book upon my years of experience as a tough cookie mom/teacher/grandmom who knows what she wants and doesnt hesitate to ask for it. Most of the time, I succeed, and I want you to also. Thats why I wrote this book.

The most important aspect to negotiating anything is getting the other person on your side. That means the person youre asking has to like and respect you enough to do what you want. When I taught high school, I learned quickly that if I wanted students to learn and cooperate, I had to find a way to get them to like and trust me.

If they found me boring or bossy, it would put a damper on establishing rapport with them so theyd be more likely to succeed in school and love learning. I had to show them that I was in control and command so they would see me as strong and assertive rather than a pushover. Thats what you have to do to get people to cooperate and give you what you want.

Im not saying its easy. Its more like a tightrope walk, a matter of balance, where people have to both like and respect you at the same time. Ill show you how to get people on your side to help you get what you want.

In many cases, people go on living with issues they could have easily remedied by asking a partner, child, boss, or company to grant them what they want by using simple yet magic words youll find in chapter 1. Its important to talk so people listen if you want to get what youre seeking. This chapter shows how to speak assertively, use body language, and build rapport to your advantage so youll have the best chance of getting what you want. Finally, if you show curiosity about people, youll understand them better and will have a better chance of their granting your wishes.

Negotiating with someone on the phone often proves more challenging than talking in person because you cant read the verbal cues or body language the other person projects. Your chances of getting what you want rest mainly on what you say and how the other person responds, so phone conversations often present more challenges than face-to-face encounters. See chapter 2 for tips about how to request things on the phone and when its helpful to go to a higher level for help. When youre asking for something on the phone, be willing to go to the next level if youre not satisfied with the first person you encounter.

Its sometimes harder to ask and receive from a partner than with others because youre closely connected. Thats the scope of chapter 3. Its important to know when and how to ask to get the results you want. If you follow the advice in chapter 3, it can help your partner become more involved with the kids by providing him with more opportunities to bond with them. Besides dealing with relationship issues between you, your partner, and your children, chapter 3 addresses asking for and getting the spiritual and physical intimacy thats important to your relationship. Along with all the other chapters, this one also shows how practicing mindfulness can enhance family relationships.

Consider this example with your teenage son: he talks back, balks at doing homework, and responds to your suggestions with grunts, groans, and guffaws. Does this sound familiar? Discover ideas for getting your child to listen and respond to your requests in chapter 4. This chapter also emphasizes the importance of standing by what you say when dealing with your kids. At the same time, it helps to cut your children some slack when they will benefit by that approach. Flexibility in child-raising helps immeasurably. Most important, encourage your children to make their own decisions, but stay close by to guide them.

Youll find ideas about how to strike good deals with home services, restaurants, cars, and vacation rentals in chapter 5. Moreover, youll get advice about how to negotiate when your TV/internet bundle bill is due. Every time spring rolls around, the cable company raises it. That makes you think of switching to another company you dislike more because of its low-speed internet and lack of top-quality free movies.