Lauren M. Hug - The Professional Womans Guide to Getting Promoted

When I was little, I didn't think there was a big difference between boys and girls.

I understood the obvious differences in biology, of course. But I didn't perceive a tremendous difference in the way boys and girls thought or behaved. To be more accurate, I didn't see myself as all that different from the boys I played with, held my own against, and often bested on the playground.

When I entered the business world, however, I came face to face with the depth of difference between the way men and women behave and communicate in the workplace. I saw how my relational, inclusive, perfectionist approach differed dramatically from the results-oriented, win-at-all-costs, fast-is-better-than-perfect approach of my male clients and colleagues. For me, it was important that people felt valued, experienced camaraderie, and shared a sense of accomplishment. For the men I worked with, it was important to achieve results and move ahead.

What does this have to do with getting promoted? Well, asking for a promotion and contract negotiations presented another area of vivid difference between men and women. I, along with many professional women, worried about appearing too aggressive, greedy, or demanding. I considered how each request might impact my carefully cultivated business relationships. At the same time, I watched my husband boldly negotiate favorable terms for everything from employment contracts to legal deals to the purchase of cars and housesnever once worrying how he would be perceived by the other party. What was his secret , I wondered.

Since a lot of my business activities involved interactions with men, I began asking my husband to act as my male translator. When an e-mail from a male colleague worried me, I'd ask my husband how he would interpret the message. When it came time to negotiate a contract, I'd ask my husband how he would approach the negotiation table. When a confrontation loomed, I'd ask my husband what he would say and how he would comport himself. I'd ask him what my male counterparts were thinking, hoping for, and expecting.

As I incorporated many of my husband's insights, suggestions, and approaches into my business communication practices, I saw instantaneous results. Male clients and colleagues clearly preferred my direct, straightforward approach to the more time-consuming, relational communication styles of other women. Promotion conversations became easier as I trained myself to view them objectively instead of as a potential strain on relationships. I became more adept at negotiations as well, learning to value my position more highly and stop making assumptions about what the other party valued.

I remember thinking how fortunate I was to have access to these empowering male insights. Seeing things from a male perspective provided me with more tools to accomplish my professional goals.