Maryanne OBrien - The Elevated Communicator: How to Master Your Style and Strengthen Well-Being at Work

Maryanne OBrien

The Elevated Communicator

How to Master Your Style and Strengthen Well-Being at Work

Expressive Reserved Direct Harmonious

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2021 by Maryanne OBrien

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Tiller Press hardcover edition April 2021

TILLER PRESS and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Jacket design by Patrick Sullivan

Watercolor and silhouette by Shutterstock

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021930550

ISBN 978-1-9821-5472-1

ISBN 978-1-9821-5477-6 (ebook)

W e all want more meaning and purpose in our work. And understandably so! We give so much of ourselves to our jobs, and we need to know that what we do matters. We want to know that our work has a positive impact on another person, our team, our community, and the world around us. We feel it occasionally, but we want to experience meaning in some way, shape, or form every day.

In my life as a consultant, I spend a lot of time talking about purpose. Why we need it, how we get it, where it comes from. Many people think that changing jobs or working for a nonprofit or purpose-driven company is the answer. They believe that if they can just find the right position, theyll feel fulfilled. But purpose doesnt live outside of us. Purpose lives within us and can be expressed every day through what we say and do. Ironically, were searching for something that has always been within our reach.

In order to find purpose through our work, we have to be able to make genuine connections and build trusted relationships with other people. Our colleagues, our clients, the people we share office space with. Being authentic is the bedrock of our success and, yes, purpose. The problem is were not always genuine at work. We fail to show up (or feel that we cannot show up) as our whole selves, and we fail to appreciate the connection between being ourselves, building trust, and feeling a sense of purpose. Like purpose, authenticity comes from a real place within us. We all know when someone is authentic and when theyre not. We can feel it. Have you ever noticed that the people you enjoy working with the most are the ones you trust? When theres trust we feel safe enough to be ourselves. Were more open, creative, and productive, which enables us to have a positive impact on people through our work. And when there isnt trust, we end up avoiding people or in conflicts that cause our work and productivity to suffer.

Communication is essential for cultivating trust and finding meaning. Its central to everything we do. The modern workplace revolves around our ability to share ideas, provide direction, and collaborate. And most of us arent very good communicators day in and day out. The vast majority of us operate with a gap between how we communicate when were stressed and how we know we can communicate when our self-awareness and well-being are strongand stress seems to be winning.

It comes as no surprise that were burning out in record numbers. Were so stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed that its impossible to perform at the level were capable of. We go from meeting to meeting without taking a break. We dont even stop for lunch, let alone take a vacation daytheres always too much to do. We need to learn to take better care of ourselves! The path were on is unsustainable. And it makes communication far more challenging, since we communicate at our level of well-being. This means that when were healthy and energized (physically, emotionally, and mentally) we communicate far more effectively. And when were not, we create more tension, conflict, and stressand round and round we go. If youve ever found yourself feeling irritated, impatient, or quick to judge when youre tired and completely spent, then you know what I mean.

If we want to enjoy what we do (and we do!), we need to put our well-being on the front burner and make it a priority. We need to invest in ourselves and raise our baseline level of well-being so we can communicate and collaborate more effectively and find more meaning in our work.

Youd think that given the importance of communication skillsand the fact that being successful in nearly every job revolves around our ability to get along well with people and build trustthat wed make communication a higher priority. But the truth is that many of our priorities have been upside down for far too long. Weve been taught by our parents, managers, and society to believe that playing the game, with all of its managing up, 24/7 availability, and office politics, is how you win. But if youve been in the workplace for any length of time, you already know that this approach is completely backward.

When we focus on managing up or making ourselves look good, we come across as disingenuous to our coworkers. When we fail to unplug and restore we drain our reserves, becoming more prone to stress, miscommunication, and conflict. And when we play the political game, we stop being ourselves, we dont say what we really think, and we succumb to power plays that damage our relationships. There isnt one successful or satisfying quality in the bunch. This behavior only serves to produce more tension, erode trust, and make it that much more difficult to find meaning in our work.

Imagine how much more effective wed be if we turned the tables to upend the current model. What if we instilled the belief that its everyones responsibility to take care of their well-being? What if we were all genuine with each other? What if we valued managing down more than managing up? What if we all modeled accountability and treated everyone with respect? What if we used our ability to positively impact people and feel more purpose every day? Things would certainly be much better.

Wed set boundaries and take time to recharge, so we could show up positive, energized, and with an open mind. Wed create the bandwidth we need to be patient and listen. And wed be much more willing to share information, collaborate, and problem-solve.

This is just a glimpse into the environment we can create when we get our priorities straight, communicate effectively, and build trust. And from this glimpse its easy to see that when we create this kind of working environment, were set up to experience true success: wed enjoy going to work and find meaning through the positive impact we create all around us.

Sometimes we forget that cultures are made up of people (like us) and that how we show up makes a significant difference. The truth is that