Cheri Fuller - What a Son Needs from His Mom

There is an enduring tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart.

Washington Irving

One morning when our first son, Justin, was barely two, I walked into the kitchen after putting his freshly washed jeans and T-shirts in his chest of drawers and turned to the family room, where hed been playing just moments before.

He was gone.

Justin! I called as I looked around. I just saw him playing with his big dump truck . How could he disappear like that?

Justin! Justin! Where are you? Are you hiding? Where are you, honey? I searched all over the house, in every closet and cranny, calling his name, looking under beds and behind doors, thinking he was playing hide-and-seek.

Oh, he must have gone to the backyard. My heart raced as I ran outside, but no Justin. After searching the house one more time, I ran to the front door and found it unlocked. How did he reach the lock? I wondered as I charged outside, calling his name at the top of my lungs.

I didnt see anyone in the yard or in the street. But finally I looked up and saw our little blond, blue-eyed toddler sitting high on the roof above me, smiling and happy as he could be. That smile of conquest said it all: I did it!

Below him was a tall ladder some workmen had left leaning against our house when they went to lunch.

Stay right there and Ill get you! I yelled. Clearly, this pint-size boy wasnt nearly as scared as I was. Mommy, its okay, he called down, looking poised to explore even higher.

Though high places are not my thing, I climbed up the ladder, put my arm around my little boy, and carried him down to safety. This wasnt his last climbing adventure, and I found out later why he had a bent toward climbing. My mother-in-law told me she often found her firstborn son (my husband and Justins dad) in the top of twenty-five-foot trees at the park even as a very young boy.

Justin continued to love high places and to be able to climb out of anything (his car seat, for one) and to the highest part of playground equipment. There were a few scary incidents ahead, like when he climbed to our top kitchen cabinets and ate several of my allergy pills just to see what they tasted like. After that, we got the even more secure child-safety locks and bought a tall geodesic dome for (safe) backyard climbing!

The rest of the story: In college, Justin began bouldering and rock climbing in the Colorado mountains and in climbing gyms, and has loved the sport ever since. He has passed down his passion for climbing to his daughter, Caitlin, who is a competitive rock climber and made it to the U.S. Nationals at the age of eleven. Shes fifteen now, and sport climbing is her favorite athletic endeavor.

Justins roof-climbing adventure was just one early point on the long learning curve called raising boys! Having grown up in the middle of five sisters and a much younger brother, boys were always a bit of a mystery to me. I didnt know much about boy-energy. I was raised in a girl-world of dolls and dancing lessons, tea parties, games, and cute ruffled dresses Mama made for us. When we did pretend play, we donned her high heels and put on her makeup, or pretended to be Florence Nightingale as we played nurse.

My sons costumes and pretend play couldnt have been more different. From a young age, Justin and Christophers favorite costumes were cowboy and army wear, homemade Superman and Batman capes, and boys hats of all kinds: fireman, worker man, army manas they called them.

When we visited my mom on her ranch in east Texas, the boys got to don their cowboy gear and ride a pony, go fishing, and tramp around in the woods with their cousins. I learned early on that some boys had adventure needs Id never thought of or experienced. Over and over as they grew, I saw that these precious boys were different from us females and had unique needs, behavior, communication styles, desires, and ways of processing things in the world around them.

Yet oh, how I love my boys! Through every year of their childhood, middle school, and adolescent years, and into adulthood, Ive learned more and more about raising sons. Now Justin and Chris are grown men, parents themselves. And with three granddaughters and three grandsons, Im still coming to a deeper understanding and enjoyment of the marvelous males around me.

Why a Son Needs His Mom

Maternal love is perhaps the most powerful, positive influence on a sons development and life. Dont let anybody convince you that you are irrelevant in your sons life or that you need to separate from him prematurely. If you are the only woman in an all-male family, it can seem like the boys and your husband are a tight group (especially if he is very involved in their lives). You may even think your sons dont need you. But nothing could be further from the truth!