Jim Daly - The Good Dad: Becoming the Father You Were Meant to Be

Praise for The Good Dad

The Good Dad takes an honest look at the common struggles and pressures fathers face today and offers hope and practical help. Youll find encouragement from Jim Daly to work hard at becoming a better dad.

Dr. Kevin Leman,New York Times bestselling author of Be the Dad She Needs You to Be

Jim Daly not only leads the organization called Focus on the Family, but hes truly focused on his family. This book comes out of experience, know-how, wisdom, expertise, and a deep understanding of the power of fatherhood, both temporally and eternally. The Good Dad should be required reading for every parent around the world!

Brad Lomenick, adviser and brand ambassador for Catalyst and author of The Catalyst Leader

The absence of fathers is one of the major problems in America today, but to that must be added the problem that many fathers actually do not know how to father. Jim Daly is just the right man to write this book, helping all men to understand what it means to be a faithful, stronger, more caring father. Not only is he one of Americas leading experts in family life; he writes from his own experience. I have seen Jim in action as a father, and because of that, Im led to commend this book to everyone. It needs to be in the hands of every man, in order that he can become the father he was meant to be.

Dr. R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, Kentucky

Jim Daly is one of our most trusted, authentic experts when it comes to families. As a father myself, I wholeheartedly recommend The Good Dad to fathers with children of any age as a valuable resource for growing and sustaining a healthy family.

Dr. Tony Evans, founder and president of The Urban Alternative and senior pastor of Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, Dallas Texas

Jims message is a critical one for all dads. It reminds us that there are no perfect dads, yet provides hope that all of us can make a difference in the lives of our children. This book will encourage any dad.

Brian Blomberg, chief development officer, National Center for Fathering

ZONDERVAN

The Good Dad

Copyright 2014 by James Daly

ePub Edition March 2014: ISBN 978-0-310-33181-0

Requests for information should be addressed to:

Zondervan, 3900 Sparks Drive SE, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Daly, Jim, 1961

The good dad : becoming the father you were meant to be / Jim Daly, with Paul Asay. 1st [edition].

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-310-33179-7 (softcover)

1. Fatherhood Religious aspects Christianity. 2. Fathers Religious life. I. Title.

BV4529.17.D35 2014

248.8'421 dc23

2013047062

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Cover design: Studio Gearbox

Cover photography: Thinkstock

Interior design: Beth Shagene

Printed in the United States of America

14 15 16 17 18 19 /DCI/ 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I dedicate this book to my two boys, Trent and Troy.
Our laughter together is a melody of love I will cherish and remember for the rest of my life.
I am beyond proud to be your dad.

Contents

IT WAS DADS NIGHT IN YUCCA VALLEY.

It came like clockwork every year to that hot, dusty California town. The Yucca Valley football team would line the field before a game, each player separated by two or three yards of grass. I was a sophomore, and this was my first Dads Night. We faced the home stands, bleachers full of moms and dads and brothers and sisters. The bright lights of the stadium made us squint.

Normally, I relished standing under those lights. I had always felt pretty comfortable on that field, one of the few places where I ever felt truly at home. But in that moment, on Dads Night, they felt too bright. I felt exposed, embarrassed. I knew what was coming. Right then, in that moment, I wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else. I wanted time to jump ahead ten minutes so I could strap on my helmet, grab the football, and do what I knew how to do.

One by one, the announcer called out the name of a father. The dad would run into the lights and onto the field, jogging through the grass to stand by his son a small celebration, a way to acknowledge the dads who had helped their kids throw a football or taught them how to tackle or made sure they didnt miss practices. Not everyone had a dad there, of course. But back in 1976, we had a lot more intact families than we do today. And those who didnt have a father around typically invited someone else to stand in his place a brother or grandfather or friend.

But that night, I didnt have anyone. I had forgotten to get someone to play my Dad, just for that one night.

Jim Daly, the announcer said over the loudspeaker, and then a pause. Jim Dalys father is not present tonight. Boom, that was it. Down the row it went. I watched as other fathers ran onto the field to hug or shake hands with their sons. And there I stood, alone again.

Want to know how important fathers are? Ask the guy who didnt have one.

Vanishing Dads

When it comes right down to it, life is a series of moments bite-size chunks of time that help define us and shape our view of the world around us. Sometimes you know what they look like in the moment. Sometimes you barely notice them until weeks or months or years later. But then one day, youll look back on them and realize how important they were. And maybe youll say, like I sometimes do, That was something special. Something critical. That was a moment.

We all have moments connected with our fathers, stories that not only helped illustrate what kind of men our own dads were, but maybe point to what they shouldve been. And like it or not, those moments shape how we think about fatherhood itself. Sometimes they can set the bar for us, show us what it means to be a dad. Sometimes they can serve as cautionary tales Man, I never want to act that way, the way my old man did after a few too many beers. Or maybe, like my Dads Night moment, they set themselves apart by their very absence, for the vacuum they left behind.

Every year I struggled with trying to figure out what to do for Dads Night. Every year, I thought, Crap, who can I bring? Every year, I had to scrounge up a substitute Dad to fill in for the real fathers who failed me. My biological father essentially drank himself to death. My stepfather left the day we buried my mother, literally taking a taxi out of my familys life with barely a good-bye. And my foster father... well, for now, lets just call him a little odd. And every one of them had left my life by the time I turned twelve.