Brad Wilcox - The Best-Kept Secrets of Parenting: 18 Principles that Can Change Everything

[Acknowledgments]

We are grateful for the opportunity weve had to write this book and for all who have helped in the process. We would especially like to thank the individuals at FamiliusChristopher Robbins, Brooke Jorden, Maggie Wickes, David Miles, and the rest of the design and marketing teamfor the countless hours theyve spent editing and designing this book.

Thanks also to the many people who contributed to the book by letting us share their examples and stories. Thanks to our friends who supported us and taught us about following our dreams, including Sally White, Hal and Barbara Jones, and Robert Parker. And finally, a big thank you to our own families, whose love supported us through this processespecially Debi Wilcox, Aimee Robbins, and Rob and Liz Robbins. We are overjoyed to be striving toward family happiness with you by our sides.

[Authors Note]

Dear parent,

What you are about to read, if applied, will change everything! The pages that follow contain eighteen secrets of parenting that will increase family unity, family happiness, and family communication. We hope to be helpful guides on the road to a stronger family. As a parent whose children are grown and out of the home and an adult whos just moved out of the home, weve combined the perspectives of a parent raising children and a child being raised to assemble these secrets. Allow us to introduce ourselves:

Hello, Im Brad Wilcox. I am a professor in the Department of Teacher Education at Brigham Young University where I also work with youth programs such as Especially For Youth. I taught sixth grade in Provo before obtaining my PhD in Education at the University of Wyoming.

My wife Debi and I have four children and four grandchildren. Our family has lived for a time in New Zealand and also in Chile.

I am the author of Straight Talk for Parents: What Teenagers Wish They Could Tell You and Tips for Tackling Teenage Troubles . I have spoken on the topic of effective parenting to groups across the United States, Europe, Australia, and Japan.

Reading, writing, teaching, and traveling are some of my favorite endeavors. I love peanut M&Ms and pepperoni pizza, but I realize thats not too healthy, so Im trying really hard to learn to like salads.

Hi, Im Jerrick Robbins. Welcome to The Best-Kept Secrets of Parenting ! I have to admit, I felt very apprehensive at first about approaching this topic since Im not yet a parent. However, I have two wonderful examples in my mom and dad; they showed me by their actions how to raise a family. Im the oldest of seven children spread out over seventeen years. As a teenager, I watched how my parents interacted with my younger siblings with great interestmostly for information I could use to get out of doing chores later that week. Instead of accomplishing that admittedly self-serving motivation, I learned to appreciate the way my parents taught, disciplined, and communicated with their children. I learned firsthand the benefits of good parenting because I was the beneficiary of good parenting.

Im originally from a city called Henderson, Nevada. Many of my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived close by while I was growing up, which provided me with even more great examples of parents trying hard to help their families grow closer together. I love all sports, but in high school I settled on volleyball and still love playing it. Singing in choirs, reading good books, spending time with my family, and fiddling around with architecture are some of my favorite hobbies. I will soon finish my Bachelors degree in English at Brigham Young University.

Weas authors of this booksincerely believe that these eighteen principles can help you and your family achieve greater family happiness. We have seen these principles change everything for our families, and they can do the same for you. Whatever stage of life youre in with your family, there is something for you in this book. We hope you enjoy it!

Best wishes,

Brad & Jerrick

[Introduction]

A few years ago, during the hot summer month of July, Jerricks familyhe, his parents, and six younger siblingswere attempting to drive from Las Vegas to Colorado Springs in only one day. Take nearly twelve hours of uninterrupted time in the car together, complete with restless toddlers and another child prone to motion sickness, and you have the recipe for an unforgettable family trip!

The bags were finally packed, and somehowmiraculouslythey all fit into the Suburban along with the children. The family pulled out of the driveway only a couple of hours behind schedule. Fifteen minutes into the drive, the customary chant began: Mom... Dad... Are we there yet? That was shortly followed by calls of Im hungry, Mom, hes touching me, Luggage is falling on my head, and Shes not wearing her seatbelt. And of course there was the constant bickering between children about the temperature in the car being either too hot or too cold.

One particular child, Trevor, a ten-year-old boy with lots of energy and a passion for pestering, began wreaking havoc. This was his dream situationall his siblings were within arms reach, unable to escape his torturous teasing. In his mind, Christmas had come early. After a few attempts at pulling his sisters hair without Dad noticing, Dad noticed. Hands to yourself! he bellowed from the drivers seat.

Not to be distracted from his goal, Trevor realized that not only was everyone in the family within reach, they were also within earshot. He immediately began a beautiful rendition of his favorite tune: Oh, Id love to be an Oscar Mayer wiener, then everyone would be in lovewithme! He continued to repeat the song over and over again until Mom wished she could give everyone in the car earplugs.

Amidst groans and whines from the other children, Dads voice pierced the fray. OK Trevor, everyone, quiet game. One, two, threego.

Due to the familys competitive nature, there was blessed silence for approximately five seconds, followed by the loveable voice of energetic Trevor calling out, I lost! Oh, Id love to be... The tears of laughter that simple statement initiated impaired Dads vision so much that an accident almost occurred. The next eleven hours were more of the same, but despite all the obstacles, the family safely made it to their destination.

Family life can be much like this road tripunpredictable and full of challenges, problems, and laughter along the way. We might even feel a little carsick because of all the twists and turns in the road. As we navigate lifes potholes, we may often think, Are we there yet? Is this trip ever going to end? However, there are some secrets that can make getting there more predictable with fewer challenges. The following pages cover eighteen of these secrets, from using the roadmap of effective communication to the short-cuts of alleviating negative stress and pressure. They remind us to refuel by maintaining positive attitudes and a long-term perspective. To help, weve included principles of action at the end of each chapter. These principles of action include questions that can help you examine the progress your family has made in your journey. Our hope is that the information, stories, and advice contained in this book will help you map your road to family happiness.

[Secret #1]

Laugh a Lot