Fawn Weaver - The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage Youve Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have

2015 by Fawn E. Weaver

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ISBN 978-1-4002-0507-3 (eBook)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Weaver, Fawn, 1976

The argument-free marriage : 28 days to creating the marriage you've always wanted with the spouse you already have / Fawn Weaver.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-4002-0506-6

1. Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Conflict management--Religious aspects--Christianity. I. Title.

BV835.W3845 2015

248.8'44--dc23

2014047902

15 16 17 18 19 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Keith

Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your love.

Thank you for helping me become the best version of me.

Thank you for always striving to be the best version of you.

CONTENTS

by Gary Chapman, Ph.D.

(by Keith Weaver)

MOST OF US GOT MARRIED WHEN WE WERE IN LOVE. WE were carried along by euphoric feelings that we anticipated would last forever. We fully intended to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. But for many of us, life did not go as planned. The euphoric feelings evaporated and were replaced by feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment. Marriage became one long series of arguments with a warm oasis here and there. Unfortunately, many couples never find their way back to emotional intimacy. Some choose divorce, others resign themselves to staying under the same roof, but living separate lives. Essentially they are roommates, though they are likely sleeping in separate rooms.

God did not ordain marriage to make people miserable. God ordained marriage because He knows that two are better than one. Marriage is designed to be a mutually loving, caring, supportive relationship in which both husband and wife encourage each other to reach their potential for good in the world. When this happens, life is beautiful. This is the kind of marriage most of us desired when we said yes to marriage.

However, there is one major factor that keeps many of us from reaching this dream. In a word, it is selfishness. We are all ego-centric. There is a positive aspect of thiswe feed ourselves, get proper rest, exercise, and seek to keep our bodies healthy. But, when self-centeredness becomes selfishness, then, we view all of life with the question: Whats in it for me? This attitude becomes a major hurdle when it is carried into marriage.

Selfishness is the opposite of love. Love is giving for the benefit of another. Selfishness is demanding that others meet my needs. Two demanding peopletwo selfish peoplewill never have the marriage of which they dreamed. The attitude of love is the foundation upon which a healthy marriage is built. When both husband and wife are seeking the well-being of the other, they will build the marriage they have always wanted.

This kind of love is very different from the euphoria of the in-love experience. You did not work to fall in love. It simply happened. But once the euphoria subsides (the average lifespan is two years), then you must decide to keep love alive. This kind of love begins with an attitude, a way of thinking. Love says, I choose to seek your well-being. How may I help you? Every day, you choose to live with an attitude of love or an attitude of selfishness.

This does not mean that I give no thought to my own well-being. Marriage is always a two-way street. We give and we receive. However, too many of us are waiting for our spouses to love us before we are willing to love them. We have failed to reckon with the reality that love stimulates love. It does not matter who starts the process. But when I choose to love you, I make it easier for you to love me.

Selfishness leads to arguments in which each of us is demanding that the other agree with us and do what we desire. Love is seeking to understand the others thoughts and feelings, to negotiate differences, to focus on solutions rather than on winning arguments. We respect each other as individuals worthy of our time and energy. Two loving people will create a healthy marriage.

Having read the book you hold in your hands, I am convinced that Fawn and Keith Weaver have chosen to walk the road of love. That is why Fawn can write about The Argument-Free Marriage. You may be thinking what I thought when I first saw the title: Really? I have been counseling couples for over thirty-five years and not many couples have come into my office with an argument-free marriage. In fact, most of them are there because they are tired of arguing and dont know how to stop.

If you are willing to call a cease-fire on arguments for twenty-eight days, and choose instead an attitude of love toward each other, I believe that this book will help you move toward the marriage youve always wanted. Dont expect perfection, but you can expect growth. Fawn does not paint a primrose path. She is realistic in her expectations and in her advice.

If your spouse is reluctant to join you, dont try to force him or her. Rather, simply request that your spouse walk with you for the first seven days and then decide if he or she wishes to continue. Love makes requests, not demands.

Gary Chapman, Ph.D.
Author of The Five Love Languages

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT YOUR MARRIAGE WOULD be like if you and your spouse didnt argue as much? Maybe you dont call it arguingperhaps you call it loud discussions or spats or airing out your differences or, as I recently heard termed at a marriage conference, intense fellowship. Whatever you call them, you know these disputes can eat away at your marriage, one harsh word at a time.

But what if your marriage could be argument-free? What if you could experience more peace, better communication, and more intimacy in your marriage?

An argument-free marriage is something few people talk about, and for good reason. Many dont think such a union exists. Maybe you, too, have your doubts. Is having an argument-free marriage even possible?