Mike Allsop - High Adventure: Follow your dreams and still be a good dad

First published in 2019

Text Michael Allsop, 2019

Photographs are from the authors private collection.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand.

ISBN 978 1 76063 362 2

eISBN 978 1 76087 173 4

Design by Megan van Staden

To my mum, Joan, who taught me there is no such word as cant

CONTENTS

I am not going to lie. When I found out that Wendy was pregnant the first time, I really thought my life as an adventurer was going to be over. Back then, I thought I was living the dreamI was working as an airline pilot and climbing mountains in my spare time. I could go wherever I wanted and embark on whatever challenges took my fancy. I mean, it doesnt get better than that, right?

Wrong! Having kids has made our lives so much richer and so much more excitingand, in many ways, its been just the beginning of my life as an adventurer. I still get to do all the things I love doing, but now I get to do them with the people I love the most in the world. Youve got to admit, that is pretty cool.

Now, thats not to say that its always been easy. Wendy and I have put in the hard yards to find a way to make adventuring with the family work for us and for the kids. Its involved us having a lot of faith in each other and more than a little bit of courage. Theres this thing I call momentary courage. Its the courage you have in the moment of time required to take the first step. The courage you have in that moment will change your life.

The great thing about having momentary courage is that it means you dont have to be brave all the timejust in the moments when it counts. Ive had many such moments in my life, and I can look back now and see times when having that little bit of courage has changed the course of my life drastically.

When I was climbing Everest, I had this huge feeling of doubt just before we were due to head for the summit. There were a lot of what if? stories rolling through my mind. But it only took courage for that one moment to decide to go for it and I was 100 per cent in!

In some ways, climbing Everest is like going adventuring with my kidsbut with a completely different set of risks to navigate. The courage, commitment and determination required are the same when it comes to climbing Everest or taking the whole family to spend three weeks at altitude in a tiny Sherpa village.

When Wendy and I sit down and talk about possible family adventures, a whole lot of dreams and ideas fly around and Ive got to say some of these ideas are way outside the boxand thats OK, because outside the box is often where the fun lives. Some of the ideas stick and some dont. Choosing what were going to do is much like making any big decision in life, really.

We all know that feeling when youre at a bit of a crossroads and you have a choice about which direction to take. One direction might be safe and secure, while another brings with it a little niggle of doubt. Deep inside, you know that if you set off in that direction you might not make it all the way. Its at those times that you need momentary courage. Sometimes the most courageous thing to do is to recognise the risks and take the easier route, but sometimes you have to take that first step on the path thats lined with challenges. Then things just seem to roll and you start thinking outside the box and you find your momentum.

When I first took Ethan adventuring, he was seven and I was terrified. There we were, trekking in the Himalaya. Ethan was quite happy, while I was scared that I might not be getting the whole parenting thing right. Gradually, though, I began to see that he was loving it and that I was doing a good job.

One of the best things about taking the kids adventuring is seeing them learn about life outside of their comfort zone and seeing them recognise just how much theyre capable of. What Ive realised through our adventures together is that, once you achieve something that you didnt know was possible, you develop a whole new set of beliefsand these beliefs allow you to go on to achieve even greater things.

Throughout all of my adventuring, there have been two things Ive learned not to do. This first is never to listen to the naysayers. There will always be people who have opinions about how you choose to live your life and how you choose to parent your childrenand youre not always going to agree with their opinions. If theyre people who are significant to you, whose opinions you trust and who have your best interests at heart, then absolutely take their views into account. But if theyre not any of those things then take no notice. Every adventure Ive ever doneeither on my own or with the familyhas had its fair share of naysayers, of people who for whatever reason thought I was doing the wrong thing. If I stopped and listened to them, I would never have achieved anything in my life. Instead, take heed of those people who support you and who believe in you; theyre the ones who really have your back.

The second thing Ive learned not to do is fear failure. If youre afraid to fail, youll be afraid to try. I truly believe that fear of failing has killed more dreams than actual failure ever has. The only true failure is never having tried. If youre thinking about taking your kids out adventuring or if youre looking for new ways to connect with and spend time with them, ask yourself this: what would you do if you knew you couldnt fail? Whatever those things are, going out and trying them is an awesome place to start.

I know that the type of adventures we have with our kids arent going to appeal to everyone. When it comes to one-on-one adventures with our kids, I always make sure I listen to them when they talk about what they want to do and what it is they want to achieve. That way were sure that were all getting something out of what were doing. It doesnt have to be something huge or epicthe reality is that kids just love spending quality time with their parents.

When it comes to planning an adventure, Ive developed three super simple tools to help me get things done.

1. DRAW A (DEAD)LINE IN THE SAND

Put a time frame on your adventurewrite down a start date and record what youre planning to do. This helps you to believe you are on your way and gives you something to work towards. It also tells your subconscious mind that something that was a dream is about to become a reality.

2. BASIC BRILLIANCE

If you do the basics well, then youre 90 per cent of the way there. When it comes to adventuring with kids, the fundamentals are safety, health and happiness. If both you and the kids are safe, healthy and happy throughout your journey, then you know youre doing well. If you ever begin to feel overwhelmed or if things feel a bit out of control, its time to focus on the absolute basics and nothing else. Once you realise that you have the basics sorted, youll find a little more capacity to cope and youll get your momentum back.

3. MOMENTARY COURAGE

In that one moment, be courageous. Take the first step. Whatever it is that you want to achieve, whatever is important to youwhether its committing to an adventure or committing to making the most of your lifethen take that step and go out and conquer your mountains!