Arden Greenspan-Goldberg - What Do You Expect? Shes a Teenager!: A Hope and Happiness Guide for Moms with Daughters Ages 11-19

Copyright 2011 by Arden Greenspan-Goldberg
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Greenspan-Goldberg, Arden.

What do you expect? Shes a teenager! : a hope and happiness guide for moms with daughters ages 11-19 / by Arden Greenspan-Goldberg.

p. cm.

1. Mothers and daughters. 2. Teenage girls. 3. Parenting. I. Title.

HQ755.85.G725 2011

306.8743dc22

2011007314

Printed and bound in the United States of America
VP 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my daughter, Samara, whose enthusiasm, smile, and angelic singing voice bring joy to my heart.

My son, Todd, who rocks my soul and stands tall in his being.

My husband, Larry, the love of my life, forty years and counting.

My mom, Ethel, one very smart woman.

I feel deeply blessed and grateful to have some very special people in my life who have given of themselves tirelessly in helping make this book happen.

My heartfelt appreciation goes to my dear daughter, Samara, whose passion, artistry, being, and essence have inspired me to write this book. You have given me real, firsthand experiences of a powerful and enduring mother-daughter connection. Our relationship is built on a strong foundation of love and respect. Thank you for allowing me to share some of the narrative of your life.

To my husband, Larry, who first said to me, Arden, you must write a book to help parents better understand their children, and started lobbying for me to record my experiences as a mother and therapist twenty-two years ago. Thank you for reminding me to write about my passion and my lovesmoms and their tween and teen daughters. You are a sweetheart, the love of my life, and my biggest champion.

Thanks to my son, Todd, who has always been there for me, as I have been for you. You continue to be a source of courage and sunny optimism. We cheer each other on with words of hope and realization: You Can Do It, Believe It, and Be It! You were instrumental in introducing me to your pal Jon Boswell Jr. and his dad, Jon Boswell Sr., an accomplished writer, who then connected me to my agent, Lauren Galit.

To my agent, Lauren Galit, my north star and unwavering compass point of sound direction, I offer a heartfelt thank-you for your faith, smarts, enthusiasm, determination, and confidence in this project and helping it get off the ground. You have guided me from start to finish and galvanized me to be true and strong.

To Tara Moncheck, a very smart, energetic, and talented producer at Parents.tv and Better.tv. You provided me with so many opportunities to work with you and to reach a core audience of savvy, searching moms.

To Juli Auclair, a wonderful anchor and graceful interviewer. It was so much fun working and appearing with you in numerous segments for Parents.tv. Thank you for both your enthusiasm and your encouragement to write this book.

To Christa Bourg, my book proposal collaborator and quick title changer. Thanks for your insights and humor.

To Suelain Moy, my talented collaborator, whose beautiful, poetic, and instinctive way with words breathed life into my vision of advice, vignettes, and stories. Your old-soul spirit and modern, contemporary edge helped me to achieve greater depth, substance, and compassion on the page.

To Shana Drehs, my brilliant and perceptive editor. You provided sharp clarity and focus to our efforts to keep the book content current, relevant, and fresh to generations of moms.

With great appreciation for their invaluable contributions and support of my book, I thank Hope Edelman, Emme, Sondra Kronberg, Dr. Maureen Cooney, Professor Hannah Fox, and Vanessa Van Petten.

A special thanks to Dr. Jane Greer, my dear beloved, treasured friend and colleague for over twenty-two years. Jane, your advice, guidance, love, and support have been so priceless and invaluable to me. You are a wonderful, talented therapist, author, and my pal of pals.

To my sisterhood of the pants dearest friends: Jean, Vicki, Karen, Dorothy, Robin, Beth, Lisa, Jessica, Jeri-Ann, Viv, Marsha, Jen, Tatiana, and Kathy, and all the rest of my family of friends, thank you for countless years of sharing your wisdom, insight, inspiration, support, pride, and love. I couldnt have written this book without you.

Thanks to my mom, Ethel, for your faith in me, and especially your warmth, love, wisdom, support, and excitement for my writing of this book.

To my stepfather, George, I thank you for being my hero, a great joke-teller, and a real good guy.

To my Uncle Larry, for watching over me and looking after me from up above; heres to Blue Skies and 100 Million Miracles forever.

To my dad Gerald, Jerry, your presence has been felt in mystical and magical ways.

To my talented tweenage niece Julie, whose presence warms my heart and soul.

To many of my close relatives, too numerous to name individually, thank you for your love and positive energy.

To my beloved patients: you, you, you know who you are! Thank you for your faith, trust, and confidence in me, for letting me help, advise, and guide you, and for sharing your struggles and triumphs with me. Writing this book has been an amazing life-charging, life-changing journey and learning experience for me.

Some of the names and details in the questions, vignettes, and stories have been sensitively modified to protect the confidentiality of my patients and friends while maintaining the integrity and essence of the message.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul

Emily Dickinson

You thought your husband or partner could push your buttons, but that was before you had her. Daughters, particularly teenage daughters, are gifted in the art of the comeback, the shoulder shrug, the eye roll. And whats really amazing is the way it affects you. Think about how your face gets so hot after your daughter says You ruin everything! or You dont know what youre talking about!

Perhaps your daughter reminds you of yourself when you were her age and all the growing pains you experienced. Maybe you see yourself in her, your good points as well as your notso-good ones. Or maybe you feel you dont have anything in common with your daughter and cant relate to her. No wonder the relationships between mothers and daughters can be so emotionally charged. Being the mother of a teenage daughter can be downright alarming. Consider these bald facts: