Sarah Litvinoff - The Relate Guide to Better Relationships: Practical Ways to Make Your Love Last

CONTENTS

Everyone who falls in love hopes that it will be forever. But the truth is that relationships invariably change. Sarah Litvinoff looks at the practical steps that couples can take to keep their love alive long-term.

In this new edition of Relates bestselling guide, the wisdom, sensitivity and skill of the Relate counsellors is encompassed in a highly readable and practical format to help you:

• understand what makes your partner tick
• assess your compatibility
• learn how to talk, really listen, and understand each other
• improve your sex life
• deepen your love through tackling problems together.

Self-assessment questionnaires, tasks, discussion points and case histories, make this book a positive investment in the future of your relationship.

Sarah Litvinoff works as a life coach and writer from her home in East London. A former chair of The Working Mothers Association, she has written over 20 books including 3 titles for Relate and is regularly published in national newspapers and magazines. www.sarahlitvinoff.com

This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the authors and publishers rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

Epub ISBN: 9781407072432

Version 1.0

www.randomhouse.co.uk

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Copyright 1991 Sarah Litvinoff and Relate

Sarah Litvinoff and Relate have asserted their moral right to be identified as the authors of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise without the prior permission of the copyright owners.

First published in 1992 by Vermilion

This edition published in 2001 by Vermilion,

an imprint of Ebury Press, Random House,

20 Vauxhall Bridge Road, London SW1V 2SA

www.randomhouse.co.uk

Addresses for companies within The Random House Group can be found at www.randomhouse.co.uk

The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9780091856700

For my daughter Jemilah, my nephews Julian and Lucian and my brother Aaron:

in the hope that this book will help you build the loving and

lasting relationships that you all deserve.

You may also be interested in the following Vermilion titles:

After the Affair by Julia Cole

Loving in Later Life by Marj Thoburn and Suzy Powling

Sex in Loving Relationships by Sarah Litvinoff

Starting Again by Sarah Litvinoff

Staying Together by Susan Quilliam

Step-Families by Suzie Hayman

Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam

Throughout the text there are boxes consisting of tasks, quizzes and talking points. A few of these are actual tasks used by Relate counsellors; the others have been especially designed by the author to help you discover things about yourself and each other that would usually emerge during counselling.

Many of the tasks require pen and paper. You will be making lists or notes under various headings. The quizzes can be answered on the page, although you might like to make a copy of some of them so that you and your partner can complete them separately. The talking points raise issues that it would be interesting or useful for you to discuss together, or pick up on a point in the text that you might want to think about further.

It is hoped that you will complete many of these together as a couple, but you should only do so if you are both keen. You can also gain useful insights by doing them alone.

With grateful thanks to the chairperson of Relate, Ann Leck, a counsellor herself, who read the manuscript as it was being written and made helpful comments. Also to Pauline Batchelor, formerly publications manager of Relate, who helped so much in determining the form the book should take.

Thanks are also due to the following counsellors who provided the backbone of the book by sharing their experiences of clients, and to the employees of Relate who were involved in the book at various stages: Laurel Aarons, Angela Allen, Hilary Andrews, Lyn Bailey, Anita Blum, Val Brewin, Eleanor Briggs, Ann Bryan, Christine Buerk, Pamela Cavendish, Heather Clark, Jan Clark, Alison Clegg, Simon Coles, Jay Davies, Aileen Dempsey, Martin Dodd, Jaci Elliott, Vicky Erich, Helen Evans, Kathy Fox, Judy Goldby, Linda Griffiths, Alan Gudgin, Lizzy Harrison-Cripps, Carolyn Meller, Anne Healey, Gillian Hill, Sue Kennedy, Trish Lebus, Liz Lynch, Peter McCabe, Sue Mervyn Jones, David Mills, Jan Needham, Liz Newnham, Melanie Pany, Sylvia Payne, Shirley Pinfold, Mary Read, Gillina Richardson, Linda Shore, Zelda West-Meads. Olive Whittington, Carol Wine.

Thank you to Henneke Sharif for compiling the organisations list in the Further Help Section.

Problems can sometimes threaten to overwhelm a relationship. Help from a skilled counsellor allows people to sort out their own feelings and untangle the problems, and to learn skills which will help them cope with future difficulties in a constructive way. This is the rewarding work which the charity Relate is dedicated to helping people develop their relationships creatively.

Each stage of life brings its own challenge. The life changes attendant on marriage itself having children, moving house, changing jobs, retirement, all of these are normal. Some changes are unexpected. Relate helps people to cope with these transitions as they are happening and to equip them with the skills they need to deal with life changes in the future.

Much of Relates energy is directed towards helping people think about the cornerstones upon which relationships are built and how these can be fostered and maintained over time. Building a strong relationship needs the ability to communicate and to negotiate and manage conflict as well as sexual and physical intimacy. The ability of each partner to put the other first, a willingness to see things from the others point of view, even when not agreeing with them and an enjoyment of each others company these qualities cement a relationship.

It is never too late to learn. It is never too late to brighten up a relationship. The Relate Guide to Better Relationships will help you to do just that. The wisdom, sensitivity and skill of the Relate counsellors is encompassed in this highly readable and practical guide. With 60 years cumulative experience of couple counselling, the experts at Relate know how to overcome difficulties and create a strong, long-lasting relationship. The Relate Guide to Better Relationships, complete with quizzes, tasks, discussion points and case histories, explains how to make your love last.