Julie Ann Barnhill - One Tough Mother: Its Time to Step Up and Be the Mom

ONE TOUGH
Mother

Its Time to Step Up
and Be the Mom

Julie Barnhill

For Becky, Brenda, Reilly, and Suzie.
Your schlecke counsel was just what
One Tough Mother needed.
I love you all more than I can say, almost.

2007 by Julie Barnhill

Published by Fleming H. Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Printed in the United States of America

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Barnhill, Julie Ann, 1965

One tough mother : its time to step up and be the mom / Julie Barnhill.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 10: 0-8007-3230-8 (pbk.)
ISBN 978-0-8007-3230-1 (pbk.)
1. MotherhoodReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4529.18.B384 2007
248.8'431dc22 2007021589

Scripture is taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Published in association with the literary agencies of Alive Communications, Inc., 7680 Goddard Street, Suite 200, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80920, and Fedd & Company, Inc., 9759 Concord Pass, Brentwood, Tennessee 37027.

Contents

1 Behold! The Power of Murle
Introducing One Tough Mother

2 First Things First
One Tough Mother Basics

3 Sit Down and Shut Up
Nonnegotiable #1: Be the Boss (without Apology!)

4 Diagnosis: Average
Nonnegotiable #2: Delight in Your Perfectly OrdinaryChild

5 Analyze This
Nonnegotiable #3: Stop Tinkering with the Inane

6 Non, Nyet, Nada, Nein, Nulle
Nonnegotiable #4: Say No Like You Mean It

7 Scrapbooking: A Womans Descent into Madness
Nonnegotiable #5: Get a Hobby Other Than Your Kid

8 Truly, Madly, Deeply
Nonnegotiable #6: Love Them Like Crazy

9 These Things I Know to Be True
Nonnegotiable #7: Remember Its All Worth It

10 Just Say It
Nonnegotiable #8: Leave Nothing Unspoken

11 My Kingdom for a Slingshot
Nonnegotiable #9: Face Your Giants

12 Youre Only a Failure If You Quit, Like, Forever
Nonnegotiable #10: Never Give Up

1
Behold! The Power of Murle

Slightly graying hair coupled with a steely gaze and stern voice of certaintyMrs. Murle Woolston had formidable down to an exact science. As a kid at my friend Angies house, I knew it was a given that Murle the Moms Rules would be strictly enforced. And if you were even mildly intelligent, you adhered to said Rules willingly and obediently. No questions asked.

Rule #1: During indoor games of hide-and-seek, Murles bedroom was unequivocally a No-Play Zone.

Rule #2: Hardcover Encyclopedia Britannica and accompanying World Almanacs (which I found utterly fascinating and loved to read) were to be returned to their appropriate shelf space after usepronto.

Rule #3: The back laundry room door was not to be used for entering or exiting the house; the garage entrance was preferred.

Rule #4: When running through the house... uh, wait a minute, running wasnt allowed in Murles house.

Rule #5: One was neverno, neverallowed to curiously poke objects through the metal grates of the electrical wall heating units inset along the narrow hallway leading to Angies back bedroom. (And oh, how those mesmerizing coils begged to be prodded with a pencil, toothpick, or plastic-coated hairpin!)

Around age six, I could no longer stave off the temptation to test Rule #5, and I defiantly stuck my right pointer finger through the grate, gleefully making contact with the beckoning glowing metal.

Bad idea.

Not only did I burn myself and wind up crying like a, well, six-year-old, but I had to seek comfort and medical attention from the only adult in the house. (Yes, that would be Murle.)

Holding my hand in hers, Murle carefully dabbed a spot of ointment on the tip of my throbbing finger, then queried with aforementioned stern voice, Julie, how did you burn your finger? Trust me on thisnever in all my years of playing paper dolls (many of you dont have the slightest clue what Im referring to, do you?), listening to vinyl 45 records, or playing Twister did it ever occur to me to try to pull one over on Angies mom.

Nope. I told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the finger-poking truth.

Amazingly enough, she didnt yell or spank mebut believe me, I would have preferred either if it had meant I could get out of the room faster. Gently wrapping a protective Band-Aid around my injury, Murle leaned forward ever so slightly in the chair she was sitting on, locked eyes with me, and declared in that utterly distinctive, gravelly voice of hers, This wont happen again. And it never did, for even a first grader could deduce the foolishness of messing with Murle.

Thirty-plus years later and I easily recall the Rules, but you know what I cant remember? Murle actually verbalizing any one of them, or for that matter writing them on a playroom chalkboard or posting them with magnets on a refrigerator door. No, the dos and donts for childhood guests in the Woolston household were successfully transmitted via mothering osmosisvia the power of that steely gaze, via sheer maternal authority and presence.

Murle didnt suffer fools lightlyparticularly foolish childrenand was consistently resolute in her dictates and self-assured in her demeanor. Never once did she consult Angie or me as to our feelings regarding the Murle Rules. And never once did I witness her waffle or wax and wane on a decision needing to be made. Her yess were yes and her nos were no.

No, you may not roll out a double batch of sugar cookie dough on the island counter.

Yes, you may spend the night, but call your mother first and get her permission.

No, you may not listen to Disco Duck on Randys eight-track stereo.

Yes, you may visit Angies grandmabut youd better mind her rules and not drive her crazy!

Quick and decisive were her actions and rulings. And I liked that, for I always knew where I stood with a mom like Murle. She had a distinctive nonnegotiable way about her which I have come to appreciate and embrace even more over the past two decades of mothering my own three children as well as keeping tabs on a few squirrelly neighborhood kids.

Believe me, for a high-spirited child such as myself, nonnegotiable was a good thing because I took advantage of every inch a mom unwittingly surrendered.

Take soft-spoken Patsy Lybarger, for instance, who ruled with a decidedly different edict than the Power of Murle. Her softer parenting style unwittingly contributed to and encouraged my jumping on her childrens beds, eating cereal in her living room, and clandestinely carrying a dead bird into her house and digging through her bedroom closet for a shoe box in which to bury it. Dont misunderstand; Mrs. Lybarger was a wonderful woman. In fact, Id nominate Mrs. Lybarger as the sweetest, most thoughtful mom on the entire Buchanan block.