Body Language and Lying
Learn the Secret Meaning Behind Every Move
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
Avon, Massachusetts
Contents
Introduction
Imagine a world where youre never misunderstood, where you never send or receive mixed messages, where you never have to backtrack and say, Hey, thats not what I meant!
Some people view body language as a luxury, something theyll learn about if and when they have the time. These same folks would probably be surprised to learn that experts estimate that a full two-thirds of communication is nonverbal. (Makes learning body language seem like a bit more of a necessity, doesnt it?) So when you are speaking with someone, youre not just processing what theyre saying, youre subconsciously picking up on their movements as well. If their actions jive with their words, then youre likely to decide again, subconsciously that this person is on the up-and-up. If something is off between someones words and movements, however, theres a good chance that youll hold that person at arms length, possibly without realizing why.
Most people want to learn body language for a specific event in their life, like a job interview, a first date, or turning the tables on a big old liar. But what you learn about nonverbal communication can be used in all kinds of situations, from work to school to interacting with your neighbors. Its one thing to know how to charm people with your words; fortifying those words with the right unspoken cues really sells you and your personality to the people around you.
Reading body language can help you navigate your way around almost any situation where you feel you need a key or legend to understand the other persons intention. Think of the information in this book as your Rosetta Stone for decoding your interpersonal relationships. In this book, youll find every motion and gesture youll need to know in order to understand whats really going on in the world around you.
Chapter 1
Trust Me: How to Spot a Liar
One of the main reasons people want to learn how to decipher body language is to defend themselves against dishonesty. Whether youre trying to read the true intentions of your romantic partner, looking to hook into the mind of a seemingly upstanding salesman, or simply attempting to read your best friends true thoughts, its helpful to know the cues that liars display. As always, its best to look for patterns of nonverbal behavior in order to get a feel for the other persons objectives.
Eye Spy
The eyes are one of the most expressive regions of the body. Learning to read the nonverbal message contained in ocular behavior can give you a nice head start on evaluating the rest of a persons body language. So what, exactly, are you looking for in terms of eyes that reveal a deceptive nature?
Brows
Imagine that youve just arrived at work, early as usual. You say hello to the other regular early birds, Dick and Jane. There are no other employees in the building at the moment. You set up your workstation with your coffee and doughnut before remembering that you left your phone in your car. You rush down to retrieve it. Upon returning, you notice that someone has taken a big bite out of your doughnut. You immediately call Dick and Jane on the intercom and ask them to report to you, pronto.
Although youre not a detective, youve watched plenty of cops work on TV shows, so you know how to get to the bottom of this mystery. Your first instinct tells you to look for signs of powdered sugar on the culprit, but it appears that both Dick and Jane have been wiped clean. You throw the accusation out there and wait for a confession.
Of course, they both deny pilfering your sweet. Dicks denial is accompanied by two raised brows; Jane, meanwhile, is frowning. Which set of eyebrows is telling you the truth and which is lying?
Remember, the brows are just the beginning of this process. Dicks raised brows are telling you that he wants you to believe him; Janes brows are telling you that shes highly irritated with you. You cant make a judgment of guilt based on this one feature, so youll have to move on and assess some other nonverbal cues.
Eye Contact
Eye contact is a skill that compulsive liars almost always take the time to perfect. In fact, body language in general is something that a lot of big-time fibbers know a lot about, so you may fall for someones tall tale even if youre looking for signs of untruthfulness. And just to be clear on the issue, this says a lot more about the liar than it does about you you just cant always defend yourself against someone who is determined to deceive others and does so on a regular basis.
For people who arent professional-grade liars, eye contact can be a bit of a tricky thing. Many of these folks the particularly defiant ones who know theyre at fault but also know you cant prove it will hold your gaze far too long, as though staring into your eyes will break your concentration and convince you of their innocence. Its their way of deflecting guilt by turning the tables on you and saying, How dare you doubt me?! A liar who feels ashamed of himself will do just the opposite he wont be able to look at you for more than a second or two. Take a look at Dick and Jane now: Jane wont look at you and Dick has his eyes fixed on yours.
Is There Something in Your Eye?
Excessive blinking is a sign of anxiety and can indicate lying. The next time youre suspicious that someone is telling you a fib, take note of whether their eyes are fluttering like deceptive little wings.
Since these are equally incriminating nonverbal cues, youll have to keep assessing other nonverbal cues to get to the bottom of the mystery.
Pupils
Lying does interesting things to the body. When a person knows hes being deceitful (and he feels badly about it or is worried hell be caught), his body reacts with increased heart rate, increased respiration, and increased blood pressure all of which are human reactions to fear, or the fight-or-flight response.
The physical changes that accompany lying prepare the person to make a run for it or to fight to the death, and they date back to when your ancestors were living in caves, defending themselves against saber-toothed tigers. How does this information relate to the eyes? Well, in an effort to make your eyesight as sharp as possible (so that you can theoretically spot potential trouble) your pupils dilate during the fight-or-flight response. Liars may appear to have dinner plate-sized pupils that is, if you can see those pupils at all. (As youve already read, many fibbers will refuse to make eye contact with you.)
At the moment, Dicks pupils appear to be larger than Janes, but since this can also be a reaction to being accused of misdoings, youll have to dig a little deeper.
Positioning of the Eyes
Do liars hold their eyes wide open or half-closed? This seems to be based on the personality of the liar and whether he thinks hes going to get away with fibbing to you. Professional half-truth tellers (like salesmen) are very careful to keep their eyelids steady, lest they come off looking too eager (wide eyed) or suspicious (squinty eyed). Someone whos less skilled at lying is more likely to widen his eyes to emphasize his point and convince you of his innocence. Unfortunately, this can also be a sign of anger or nervousness, so its not the most reliable way to nail a fibber.
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