Editors of Adams Media - Body Language and Relationships: Learn the Secret Meaning Behind Every Move
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Raised eyebrows, rubbing ones chin, angled shoulders whats it all mean? Master the art of nonverbal communication and youll unlock these secrets and more. Body Language and Relationships is your quick course in interpreting body language in all types of romantic encounters. Now youll know just what your partner is thinkingwithout a word being said. Raised eyebrows, rubbing ones chin, angled shoulders whats it all mean? Master the art of nonverbal communication and youll unlock these secrets and more. Body Language and Relationships is your quick course in interpreting body language in all types of romantic encounters. Now youll know just what your partner is thinkingwithout a word being said.
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Body Language and Relationships
Learn the Secret Meaning Behind Every Move
Adams Media, a division of F+W Media, Inc.
Avon, Massachusetts
Contents
Introduction
Imagine a world where youre never misunderstood, where you never send or receive mixed messages, where you never have to backtrack and say, Hey, thats not what I meant!
Some people view body language as a luxury, something theyll learn about if and when they have the time. These same folks would probably be surprised to learn that experts estimate that a full two-thirds of communication is nonverbal. (Makes learning body language seem like a bit more of a necessity, doesnt it?) So when you are speaking with someone, youre not just processing what theyre saying, youre subconsciously picking up on their movements as well. If their actions jive with their words, then youre likely to decide again, subconsciously that this person is on the up-and-up. If something is off between someones words and movements, however, theres a good chance that youll hold that person at arms length, possibly without realizing why.
Most people want to learn body language for a specific event in their life, like a job interview, a first date, or turning the tables on a big old liar. But what you learn about nonverbal communication can be used in all kinds of situations, from work to school to interacting with your neighbors. Its one thing to know how to charm people with your words; fortifying those words with the right unspoken cues really sells you and your personality to the people around you.
Reading body language can help you navigate your way around almost any situation where you feel you need a key or legend to understand the other persons intention. Think of the information in this book as your Rosetta Stone for decoding your interpersonal relationships. In this book, youll find every motion and gesture youll need to know in order to understand whats really going on in the world around you.
Part I
Love at First Sight
Does love at first sight really exist, or is that a myth perpetuated on physical attraction? While the statistics are hazy on how many long-term relationships began with a single glance across a crowded room, body language can certainly add or detract from the message youre sending out to potential mates. Whether you appear approachable or standoffish, for example, can matter far more than whether youre the most beautiful person on the face of the earth.
Wait, didnt you just read that theres more to attraction than empirical beauty? Yes, you did, but you cant deny the fact that a good-looking human being attracts a lot of attention at least initially. Some people have their specific types (you prefer blondes, while your friend likes dark hair), but a symmetrical, youthful face without flaws (more on those in a minute) is generally believed to be attractive.
Now, obviously, no one is perfect, and flawed people of all ages manage to find love. How do they do it? Is beauty really more than skin deep, or do they simply settle for what they get and make the most of it?
Heres the thing with physical beauty and attraction: Not everyone is born with model-like features. Then again, model-like features dont automatically bestow personality upon a person (which is not to say that extraordinarily good looks and a great personality are mutually exclusive). What do men and women find sexiest in a mate? Confidence. (Note that doesnt say cockiness.) A sense of being self-assured in who you are and what you have to offer someone else is something everyone needs to bring to the table in any relationship, regardless of looks.
Lets say you know someone who isnt a classic beauty, but men love her anyway. What is she doing that youre not? Shes simply projecting her confidence and enjoyment of others through her body language. At a party, for example, she:
- Places herself near the center of activity instead of hiding in the corner
- Stands tall, projecting confidence
- Smiles, laughs, and makes eye contact when she speaks to others
- Uses small touches to convey the message, Hey, were friends
- Angles herself and her head toward whomever shes speaking to
Shes not doing anything outrageous or even out of the ordinary; what she is doing is showing a genuine interest in the people around her and welcoming people into her world. Most people will respond to this kind of solicitous behavior in a positive way that is, theyll want to get to know her. Depending on how brilliant a conversationalist she is or how funny she may be, she may have men eating out of her hand by the end of the night. Oh, and by the way, shes 10 pounds overweight and has a zit on her chin. Shes just the kind of girl others would look at and say, Whats she doing with that great-looking guy? Maybe that guy was powerless to defend himself against her charms, and just as importantly she never doubted for one second that the two of them belonged together.
Many average-looking men feel as though the deck is stacked against them. They wander out to the nightclubs where they spot women who are dressed to kill none of whom will speak to them. This is a valid complaint, so step one is to expand your horizons and look beyond the nightclubs. Its hard to break into a pack of girls, and chances are if youve spotted a real beauty at the bar, someone else has his eye on her, too.
This is not to say that you should adopt an attitude of defeatism its just best to know when and where to put forth your best efforts. Parties are often a much better setting for meeting someone because you can actually talk to each other in more than three-word phrases (and without shouting). This setup makes it much easier to put your confident body language into action.
So what kind of body language do women look for in the standard good guy (in other words, the guy who will treat them well and not make them wait by the phone for a call that never comes)?
- Eye contact
- Smiling
- A confident posture
- Some sign of humility (perhaps a hand in the pocket, or the occasional shrug)
Now, theres an entire subset of women who prefer the bad boy to the good guy, and theres a huge difference in nonverbal cues between these two men. Where the good guys entire presence is based on showing his interest in the woman, the bad boy is cocky beyond belief and woos one woman while checking out the other talent. If youre trying to quit your bad boy ways, reread the above list and practice your body language skills. Eye contact is especially important when it comes to convincing a woman that youre more than a player.
If youve heard it once, youve heard it a hundred times: Men play at love to get sex; women play at sex to get love. These words are never truer than in the initial moments of the pickup. Even in this day and age of sexually liberated women and sensitive men, the roles are more often than not the same as always: The guy is looking for a hookup and the girl is looking for more. Can you tell a persons true intention about where this is all going from his or her body language?
Actually, oftentimes you can. Some body language rules of thumb for women who are looking for a potential mate are:
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