Marci L. Seither - Empty Nest: Strategies to Help Your Kids Take Flight

Copyright 2014
by Marci Seither

2014 eISBN 978-0-8341-3279-5

Printed in the
United States of America

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Cover Design: Jacque Cork/Ryan Deo
Interior Design: Sharon Page

All Scripture quotations not otherwise designated are from the Holy Bible, New International Version (NIV). Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Permission to quote from the following copyrighted versions of the Bible is acknowledged with appreciation:

The New American Standard Bible (NASB), copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995.

The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT), copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, IL 60188. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Seither, Marci.

Empty nest : strategies to help your kids take flight / Marci Seither.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8341-3222-1 (pbk.)

1. Parent and adult childReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Separation (Psychology)Religious aspects. 3. Adjustment (Psychology)Religious aspectsChristianity. 4. Life skills. I. Title.

BV4529.S425 2014

248.8'45dc23

2013036006

This book is dedicated to my husband John.

After twenty-eight years of marriage, having six kids together, and experiencing a lifetime of adventure, I still love getting up and having a cup of coffee with you in the morning.

CONTENTS

W ell, lose a daughter gain an office! my dad jokingly said when I moved out.

He was kidding as usual, but I think it really masked the pain of saying good-bye. Not just to the child who was moving out of her room with the daisy wallpaper, but to everything else, such as daily interaction, family dinners, and all the traditions that we wrap around our families.

Sometimes it is so hard to put into words what we are really feeling because often we dont know what we are feeling ourselves. There is silent mourning. It is parents rite of passage as they witness their children stretch their wings at the edge of the nest and finally lift off.

The cycle continues from one generation to the next. Before I knew it, I helplessly looked on as my kids began to box up some of their items. Some they planned to take and others were put into the attic. Clothes were packed away, leaving empty dresser drawers that still smelled like snowboard wax and fabric softener. For the first time I thought about all the gray-haired women who stopped me in the grocery store as I tried consoling a cranky toddler.

These are the best years, they would smile with a far-off look in their eyes. They go by so quickly, so cherish them while you can. Then they shuffled away, leaving me standing there with a blank stare and smelling a lot like peanut butter and baby wipes. I looked like a wrinkle bomb had exploded within my kill zone. I had no idea what they were talking about. Now I fully understand because in their wisdom they were right.

Anyone who has kids has probably heard the same words. Anyone who has kids who have left home or will soon leave home knows that those words of wisdom are true. And now I find myself telling the same thing to young moms only without the gray hair, thanks to LOreal Mocha Medium Brown, and without the shuffle.

HOW TO FOCUSAND HOW TO BREATHE

I have no idea what all the unfocused breathers did before the official term pant-blow became part of the natural birth vocabulary. No one mentions the two major Lamaze class points during other medical endeavors. I have yet to hear my dentist ask, How would you like a natural root canal? or Maybe you should find a focal point before we start doing your filling. Yeah, I would find a focal point. It would be the bright exit sign right over the door. For anyone who has had the experience of being in a birthing class, you know that breathing and focusing are esteemed as an art form.

About three months after our marriage, John came home from work one evening to find a surprise when he opened the freezer section of our small refrigerator.

Honey, he asked, wondering if it may have something to do with my part-time job working at a preschool. What is up with all the boxes of juice bars in the freezer?

Oh, I responded. I was out shopping and they just sounded so refreshing, so I picked some up.

Three boxes for two people? he asked. Mmm.

The next morning when the thought of finishing my first cup of coffee began to gag me, we instantly knew we werent just two people living in our one-bedroom apartment.

Maybe you should take a pregnancy test, he suggested.

Those were before the days of home pregnancy tests, so I made an appointment and went in then went home and waited for the nurse to call with the results. The next day I was informed that I had passed with flying colors!

A follow-up appointment was made, and I joined the ranks of a new group. I was officially a mother-to-be.

After being weighed and measured I was sent home again, only this time with a cute diaper bag, compliments of a baby formula company, a small bale of coupons for items I might need in the near future, and a large book titled What to Expect When Youre Expecting. I read and reread the book several times during that first trimester in between experiencing another term I quickly learned: morning sickness.

Before we knew it, we were enrolled in a natural birthing class with a room full of pregnant women and their coaches. John practiced rubbing my lower back with a tennis ball. I was starting to fill out the bright-colored maternity tops that looked like they were made for gigantic Oompa Loompas, and both of us were pretty anxious as my due date approached.

From the rafters over my parents garage we retrieved the old wicker bassinet that had already cradled two generations. Lovingly we scrubbed it, and my grandmother sewed new bedding. Then we added a soft blanket and a cuddly windup bear that played lullabies. The diaper bag and my overnight case were packed and ready to grab at the first twinges of labor.

The feeling of having your bag carefully packed and ready to take to the hospital is a stark contrast to watching your child pack his or her own bag and leave home without you.

I was so thankful to have nine months to prepare for bringing our first baby into the world. How odd it is that we often dont have that luxury of time and undivided attention to prepare our hearts when it is time to release them into the world.

TIME TO FIND A FOCAL POINT

Breathing is something we do naturally. It can also be something we do intentionally, so find a focal point. For the first nine months they needed you to help them grow and depended on you for oxygen. Little lungs expanded, followed by the sweetest sound of your babys first cry.

Just like the day they were born, soon it will be time to push them out and cut the umbilical cord. Only this time it is often the parents who need oxygen to breathe through this natural transition from one stage of parenting to the next.