Tricia Goyer - Generation NeXt Parenting: A Savvy Parents Guide to Getting it Right

Dedication

To John, my husband, my love.

Since it takes two, Im glad I have you.
For all the parenting years behind us,
and those still to come God is good!

Im sorry, but Im just thinking of the right words to say .

W HEN IN ROME , W HEN IN R OME , 1988, V IRGIN R ECORDS (USA)

aybe youre like me

In addition to my roles as a parent and writer, Im also characterized as a child of the 70s and 80s. While I often cant remember my three-item shopping list at the grocery store, I can sing word-for-word such oldies playing over the loudspeaker as Eye of the Tiger, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and Beat It.

Like many of my classmates, I wish I could do over my teen years. What a mess they were! And how those years continue to impact me now. Fifteen years ago, I thought the movies Footloose, Pretty in Pink, and The Breakfast Club were the coolest. But now, watching them as an adult, I realize they teach an immorality I dont want passed to my kids. (What was I thinking?)

I also want more for my kids than what I had. Better family connections. A great love for God. And numerous social and educational opportunities that will not only make their childhood great, but will also mold my kids into productive citizens and awesome servants for God. Is that too much to ask?

You may wonder how this book will differ from many of the parenting books out there. For one, Im not the head of any parenting organization, nor do I have a national radio broadcast. I dont have a degree in psychology, child development, or anything useful like that.

Im a young mom (or at least I think so) who graduated from high school in 1989. I wrote a book called Life Interrupted: The Scoop on Being a Young Mom (Zondervan, 2004). Ive also been writing articles for national magazines about kids and parenting for the last ten years. The best part about writing parenting articles is that I can look around, consider my biggest struggles as a parent, and then interview experts for solutions. How cool is that?

This book wont be about how to fix your life and your kids. Instead, the idea emerged after I noticed how different I was from parents in the generations before me. Im one of those people who wants to do it allfind Gods purpose for my life, impact my community, support my spouse, and provide my children every opportunity available to them.

Im not content working nine to five just to bring home a paycheck. I hate the thought of not being actively involved in my kids lives. The dozens of parenting books on my bookshelves confirm Im committed to doing it right. (If only I had time to read them!)

This book is for you. For us. To provide a little hope, a few facts about our generation of parents, and a lot of encouragement to turn to God on this journey.

If you were born between 1961 and 1981, maybe you can relate. Were called Generation X, and to me the X stands for:

eX-cellent people, eX-celling to our potential, and ex-hausted most of the time!

We want to do it all, be it all, and parent as well as possible. And according to the experts who study society, the two words that describe our beliefs are authentic and relationships. We dont want anyone to put on a show for us. We want the real deal. And, of course, what matters most to us is people.

Oh yeah, and one more characteristic of our generation: We are very serious parents. Its true! Just ask the experts, or take a look at what we expect from our children and ourselves. In truth, were all a little more alike than you might imagine.

My Take On It

There are way too many choices and distractions in our lives. Technology keeps us from talking to each other and busy schedules mean we rarely eat together unless its in the car.

Michelle H., Arizona
Born in 1967, mother of two

I feel Gen X parents are constantly comparing ourselves and our children with our friends and their offspring. Not in a keeping up with the Joneses kind of way, but because were insecure about the job were doing as parents. I find myself constantly questioning: Am I providing enough intellectual stimulation for my child? Is my daughter getting enough socialization? Should she have reached x, y, or z milestone by now? Basically, am I really doing a good job? And exactly what does a good job of parenting look like?

Michelle, New Jersey
Born in 1968, mother of one

Were not driven to give our kids the best, but to give them everything. We buy more and more stuff in the hopes it makes us good parents. In order to pay for this stuff, we work harder and harder, which takes time away from our families, which increases the immense load of guilt. Every night of the week is filled with soccer, ballet, piano, tutoring, and we still dont feel like we are giving our kids enough opportunities, so we try harder, and in the end we feel empty, unfulfilled.

Heidi, Minnesota
Born in 1975, mother of two

There are plenty of reasons Gen Xers turned out the way we did. Here are some biggies:

• More of our moms entered the workforce.

• More of our parents divorced.

• Either we were sexually promiscuous or we had friends who were.

• When it came to drugs and alcohol, it was pretty easy to get our hands on them.

• We dont remember prayer as a part of school.

• We do remember every episode of The Cosby Show, and oftentimes we related more to that family than our own.

• We remember the first video we saw on MTV, and musicians like Bruce Springsteen, Tiffany, and Billy Idol were our, uh, idols.

Of course, I could go on, but this book wasnt written just to reminisce about the good ol days. Its about understanding who we are as a generation and why we became the parents we are today. More than that, its about taking our good qualities and discovering how to parent better, for Gods glory.

But before we get into the actual chapters, Im going to end this introduction with a few more facts. The more I read about Gen Xers and the more I interview other young parents, the more I realize we share many of the same desires, hopes, and dreams. We also experience similar struggles in parenting. Who would have thought?