Laura Markham - Peaceful parent, happy kids: how to stop yelling and start connecting

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

Dr. Laura Markham offers us suggestions that help us create strong relationships with our children. If we all followed Dr. Lauras original and authentic advice, we would indeed change the world.

Peggy OMara, founder of Mothering.com

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids can change your parenting life. Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and how to avoid parental burnout in the process.

Patty Wipfler, founder of HandinHandParenting.org

Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with compassion as she gives them priceless, easy-to-use strategies to create a secure, healthy attachment with their child.

Lysa Parker and Barbara Nicholson, founders of Attachment Parenting International and authors of Attached at the Heart

Dr. Laura Markhams guidance on fostering connection and coaching instead of controlling are important ideas, and they can make a huge difference in your life as a parent. Her explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves firstbefore we can help regulate our childrenis a revolutionary idea. Read it and youll see why she calls her work Aha! Parenting.

Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting

Dr. Laura Markhams work is practical, easy to apply, and transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and fellow parent.

Jacqueline Green, host of The Great Parenting Show

A much-needed resource... encouragement and actionable, doable advice for parents to strengthen their connection with their children and take care of themselves. Clearly helps parents see how what they are doing today impacts and influences what happens tomorrow, yet the tone is gentle and nonjudgmental. Such a user-friendly format for (often) weary parents. Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org

Dr. Laura Markhams compassion, wisdom, common sense, love, and understanding radiate in each carefully chosen word, example, and suggestion throughout this well-written, easy-to-read, delicious book. From her chapter on effectively managing anger, Listen to your anger, rather than act on it, to my favorite quote, Your child is acting like a child because he is one, youll know youve found your parenting bible. Thank you, Dr. Laura.

Rev. Susan Nason, parent educator and consultant

My entire family dynamic has positively changed, and I attribute it mostly to Dr. Laura Markham and AhaParenting.com. I suspect you will not think it corny when I say you are changing the world.

Jennifer Andersen, OurMuddyBoots.com

Ive searched high and low for parenting guidance that is sensible, simple, effective, and adaptable. That does not heap guilt upon me. That strikes a chord so its easy to remember when I need it most. I have found it in Dr. Laura Markham. My relationship with my four-year-old has improved a thousandfold since trying your methods. The way you teach this simple message of love has made it revolutionary for me.

Daniela, mother of girls, ages two and four

Following your advice has meant our son rarely has tantrums anymore. Dr. Lauras advice really works and makes being a parent (and a child, Id say) much better. I dont pretend I am perfect all the time, but she helps me learn and do better by my son.

Beatrice, mother of a two-year-old boy

You have enabled me to change myself, something I never thought I could do. Your writing taught me to really reflect on who I was first, which was key to my ability to reflect on myself as a parent.

Kimberley Yvette Price, TheSingleCrunch.com

Dr. Laura, I tell everyone I know and even strangers about your peaceful form of parenting. Instead of creating blow-up moments, you are creating connections, loving times, and sharing real emotions with our children. Thank you, Dr. Laura Markham, for bringing so much knowledge and love to parenting.

Carrie B., mother of two boys under age four

Peaceful Parent,
HAPPY KIDS

How to Stop Yelling
and Start Connecting

DR. LAURA MARKHAM

A Perigee Book

A PERIGEE BOOK

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Ireland, 25 St. Stephens Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books, Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North 2193, South Africa Penguin China, B7 Jaiming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China

Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

Copyright 2012 by Laura Markham, PhD

Text design by Laura K. Corless

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

PERIGEE is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

The P design is a trademark belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

First edition: December 2012

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Markham, Laura.

Peaceful parent, happy kids : how to stop yelling and start connecting / Laura Markham.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-101-61362-7

1. Child rearing. 2. Parent and child. I. Title.

HQ769.M2857 2013

649'.1dc23 2012031273

Most Perigee books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, or educational use. Special books, or book excerpts, can also be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: Special Markets, Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014.

For Daniel, Eli, and Alice,
Who taught me to love.

And for parents everywhere,
Whose love is shaping the next generation,
and transforming humanity:
Our future rests on your shoulders.

One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world.

CHARLES RAISON

Contents

FOREWORD

My next-door neighbors taught me a great lesson one morning as I watched David teach his seven-year-old son, Kelly, how to push the gas-powered lawn mower around the yard. As he was showing him how to turn the mower around at the end of the lawn, his wife, Jan, called to him to ask a question. When David turned to answer the question, Kelly pushed the lawn mower right through the flower bed at the edge of the lawnleaving a two-foot-wide path leveled to the ground!