Deborah Smith Pegues - Socially Smart in 60 Seconds: Etiquette Dos and Donts for Personal and Professional Success

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

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Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Cover and interior photos iStockphoto

SOCIALLY SMART IN 60 SECONDS

Copyright 2009 by Deborah Smith Pegues

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pegues, Deborah Smith, 1950-

Socially smart in 60 seconds / Deborah Smith Pegues.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p. ).

ISBN 978-0-7369-2050-6 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-3654-5 (eBook)

1. Etiquette. I. Title.

BJ1853.P44 2009

395dc22

2008020281

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This book could not have come to fruition without the contribution of many wonderful people who desire to see the world demonstrate more civility and culture. Special appreciation goes to the members of my dream team at Harvest House Publishers: Terry Glaspey, director of acquisitions and development, for his encouragement, creativity, and always-sage advice; and Peggy Wright, Kim Moore, and the editorial staff for their diligence and commitment to producing a quality work.

Special thanks go to my friends Josie Martin and Lainie Sloane, consummate etiquette mavens, for their preliminary critique and invaluable input.

Numerous other individuals either shared their insight, social blunders, and pet peeves or they prayed for the project. They include Judge Mablean Ephraim, Paul Jackson Jr., Tyrone Potts, Kelvin and Delisa Kelley, Gene Smith, Alvin and Pamela Kelley, Redelia Fowler, Billie Rodgers, Harold and Ruth Kelley, Pamela Johnson, Kecia Ephraim, Monique Swoope, Dana Lacy, Keeley Garth, Dana Smith, Debbie Ducre, Sandra Sims Arceneaux, and Darlene Bowman.

Finally, words could never fully express my gratitude to my husband, Darnell, for his never-ending sacrifices and support to facilitate my writing efforts.

Contents

W hile attending graduate school at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, I accepted a dinner date with a fellow student who was also enrolled in the Master in Business Administration (MBA) program. The server at the slightly upscale restaurant brought us a finger bowl after our main course. Of course, we were supposed to simply dip our fingers in the small bowl of warm water and then dab them dry on the napkin. Perhaps it was the slice of lemon in the water that caused the confusion. Before I knew it, my brilliant date picked up his bowl and drank the water. I was mortified! Of course, wisdom dictated that I not react or comment, but I thought to myself, He is in dire need of etiquette training!

Even though we wish we could forget them, we have all made a social faux pas or two at some point in time. Unfortunately, such behavior can hinder our progress professionally, socially, and even relationally. Thats why Im writing this book. I have always been fascinated by the rules of etiquette. Growing up, I read every article and book that came my way regarding proper behavior and social graces. No one in particular encouraged my passion. I simply wanted to know how to do things right.

Immediately after graduating from the MBA program, I enrolled in the John Robert Powers finishing school. I went beyond the standard six-week course and opted for the one-year teaching curriculum. I knew that being socially polished would increase my confidence and put me at a professional advantage. The only trepidation I had about taking the course was the fear that such training would cause me to become a social perfectionist who was no fun at casual events such as picnics and ballgames. I did not want to become the etiquette cop who wrote ticketsverbal or silentto everyone who violated proper social behavior. My fear proved to be unfounded. I learned that the whole concept of etiquette is centered on three guiding principles: consideration, convenience, and common sense. Observing proper protocol should never make others feel inferior or uncomfortable in any way.

The training at John Robert Powers was one of the best investments Ive ever made. While I do not consider myself an etiquette expert, I do feel a responsibility as a Confidence Coach to provide a quick tool that will help eliminate or minimize the social insecurity and embarrassment of simply not knowing how to behave in certain situations.

As an inspirational writer, I faced somewhat of a dilemma in approaching this project. While I have a passion for teaching people how to incorporate the Bible into every aspect of their daily lives, I wrestled with the idea of trying to write an etiquette book with an inspirational twist. Further, I was concerned that potential Christian readers might consider social protocols and manners to be worldly concernsand certainly not something that heavenly minded folks needed to spend much time pursuing. After all, using the wrong fork was not going to doom anybody to eternity with the devil and his infamous fork.

My wrestling came to a halt when I realized that etiquette is indeed the considerate, convenient, and common sense way of relating to others. The underlying principles of such behavior come directly from the Scriptures: Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise (Luke 6:31). Certainly, anyone claiming to be Gods child must be even more motivated to model the highest standard of social and professional manners.

I have heard some refer to social graces as Southern hospitality. However, as I study the Bible, I realize that it is really scriptural hospitality. God mandates certain protocols for interacting with others whether one is a Southerner or not. A former Southerner, I now live in Los Angeles, California. It is a melting pot of people of various cultures who interact with each other at warp speedand often with great indifference. Needless to say, kindness and consideration are not the daily norm. I would love for this book to spark a movement that would abate this trend.

I have established two goals in writing this book: First, I want to instruct or remind you how to do things right so that you can gain the social confidence you need to succeed in the world. Second, I want to challenge you not only to do things right, but to do the right thing. Yes, doing things the proper way may enhance your career, bring you into favor with influential people, or earn you a reputation as the consummate host, but these things are secondary benefits. God has established a code of behavior that He wants to be the standard in His kingdom. I call it Kingdom Etiquette, and the rules havent changed since the beginning of time. God always wants us to do the right thingeven when others misbehave toward us. Extending grace is the right thing to do. Columnist Thomas Sowell says, Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.