H. Norman DMin Wright - Relationships That Work

1998 by H. Norman Wright

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

Bethany House Publishers edition published 2014

ISBN 978-1-4412-6777-1

Previously published by Regal Books

Ebook edition originally created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Other versions used are:

AMPScripture taken from THE AMPLIFIED BIBLE, Old Testament copyright 1965, 1987 by the Zondervan Corporation. The Amplified New Testament copyright 1958, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

KJVKing James Version. Authorized King James Version.

NASBScripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

NKJVScripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

RSVFrom the Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1946, 1952, and 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of National Council of the Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

TLBVerses marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Cover Design by Barbara LeVan Fisher
Interior Design by Britt Rocchio
Edited by Ron Durham and David Webb

Contents

How to stop being among the relationally homeless or relational channel surfers.

How to be sure all four pillars or foundation stones of a relationship are balanced and strong.

Your family of origin significantly impacts your relationships and shapes your identity and behavior.

Why do people often get involved sexually before marriage? And why does it so often damage the relationship?

The ideal sequence, from the first glance to sexual intimacy, of relationships that endure. (Ignore them at your peril!)

Signs that indicate when a relationship is healthy or unhealthywhen to hang in, when to move on.

Some relationships you at first think should be long-term may actually have poor potential. How can you tell?

Relational doubts and fears may be well-grounded or mere fantasies. These inventories will help you tell the difference.

How to recognizeand treatsymptoms that can lead to the death of a relationship.

Becoming compatible is like adapting to life in a foreign land. It can be fun if you dont mind living with a foreigner!

How to spot differences in age, race, culture and personal habits that could wreck your relationship.

Genderflex: learning to understand and live with the term opposite, as in opposite sex.

Understanding how personality types differ can enhance your relationship. (Accepting the difference is also essential!)

Whether your relationship is all-out war or purposeful compatibility may depend on these similarities and differences.

Introduction

This book focuses on two major concerns that seem to plague many people today: identifying the positive potentials for a long-term relationshipand avoiding those relationships with incurable negatives. We might call this process, How to Avoid Wasting Your Time, Energy and Money on a Hopeless Relationship.

One or two of the topics here are expanded from a previous book, Finding Your Perfect Mate, published by Harvest House. It would be helpful for you to read that book as well, since it also deals with many of the basic issues singles are concerned with today. They include learning whether marriage is for you or not, dealing with the fear of a relationship, what to do if you havent recovered from a previous relationship, the reasons why youre still single, where to meet the opposite sex and what to say, how to get out of a bad relationship and getting married again.

That was a lot to cover in one book. Hence the need for the book you hold in your hands. The material presented here is based on more than 30 years of talking with those who are single, as well as those who are married. Hopefully this information will help you to develop and build your own quality, lifelong relationship.

The Wide, Wide World of Relationships

Some people are relationally homeless. They relate to others in a pattern that might be called relational channel surfingswitching from one relationship to another without staying with one long enough to connect.

Relationships are all around us. Everywhere. Commercials and TV programs are built on them. We think about them, talk about them and experience them. Well, perhaps the first two. Not all of us have experienced significant relationships, though we may want to. Im not even sure many people know what is meant by the word. Some people are in situations, not relationships. (More on that later.)

Relationships are one of the most significant elements of life. We were created to be in relationships, not to exist without them. Most of our lives are spent in various relationships. Take them away, and our existence becomes sterile. Sure, there are those who appear not to need them, but theyre the exceptions.

The Relationally Homeless

Its a sad fact of life that many people today are part of our societys homeless population. You know who the homeless are. You see them on street corners or in front of the post office. Its not uncommon to see a man or a woman dressed in shabby, dirty clothes standing on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign that reads, Will work for food, or even a family living in an old car on a church parking lot. Ive heard of couples who, unable to earn enough money to pay for a roof over their heads, move from home to home house-sitting or even skipping town before the rent is due. These people are the visibly homeless. But we have many today whose kind of homelessness is not so apparent. They are the relationally homeless.

Many single people suffer with this condition. Just as the physically homeless tend to drift, so do those who are relationally homeless. Theyre unable to find significant others to connect with, or they dont stay in any one relationship long enough to get to know or be known by another person. This jumping around or drifting pattern has been referred to as relational channel surfing. That is, they hop from one relationship to another without ever making a commitment or staying long enough to connect.

Sometimes its fear that keeps us from reaching out and connecting. It could be that closeness is too threatening, so we pull away. Or it could be that the crop of eligibles seems to be reflective of a farming community that recently experienced a drought! Its true that its difficult for any single person today to find someone who is safe, sane and sanctified!